


Eye for an Eye

by AfiaAberdeen



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Agony, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bandages, Being Lost, Blindness, Blood and Injury, Book 2: Earth, Crying, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Enemies to Lovers, Episode: s02e07 Zuko Alone, Episode: s02e08 The Chase, Episode: s02e09 Bitter Work, F/M, Family Issues, Fear, Healing, Heavy Angst, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), Implied Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Injury Recovery, Insecurity, Iroh vs Earthbenders, Japanese Culture, Katara/Zuko First Kiss, Love/Hate, Pain, Psychological Trauma, Rain, Red/Blue Dragon, Reunion, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Torturing, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tears, Thunderstorms, Turtleduck(s), Zuko (Avatar) whump, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, Zuko vs Earthbenders, Zuko's Childhood (Avatar), Zuko's Scar (Avatar)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:28:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 23
Words: 58,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22439533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AfiaAberdeen/pseuds/AfiaAberdeen
Summary: Zuko tries his best to be a good person, but a terrible fateful night changes his life forever. He’s a traitor. He’s hated by the Fire Nation and the entire world. He’s rejected by everybody. It’s like a spreading virus. One hates him and so everyone else does.
Relationships: Aang & Appa (Avatar), Aang & Sokka (Avatar), Aang & Toph Beifong, Aang & Zuko (Avatar), Aang/Katara (Avatar), Azula & Iroh (Avatar), Iroh & Ozai (Avatar), Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), Katara & Sokka (Avatar), Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka & Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar), Toph Beifong & Katara, Toph Beifong & Sokka, Toph Beifong & Zuko
Comments: 103
Kudos: 447
Collections: avatar tingz





	1. Hated and Loved

_The city is shroud in the cold and harsh early morning silence, occasionally perturbed by a short and scattered bird’s song or a dog’s yap. There is a gloomy fortress that lay in the center of winding sidewalks and dark alleys on a small hill surrounded by a dirty stone wall. The flags are hanging helplessly on its masts, even the slightest breeze doesn’t disturb the oppressive tranquility._

_The eastern gate of the city is connected to the foot of the fortress by an unusually wide and straight alley with craftsmen’s workshops, taverns and shops close to each other, eagerly awaiting crowds and the normal day-to-day life of the city._

_But that early morning’s idyll is disturbed by the monotonous hoofing into the cold pavement. Several city guards, lazily leaning on their spears, lifts their heads and looks at the lonely rider. He wears a vast dark red hood and rides with his head down, but it’s clear from the harsh and firm posture and the well-worn weapons hanging at the saddle that he had seen many battles. One after another, guards nodds their heads respectfully._

_The rider’s gaze slides down an almost empty alley and touches the fortress towers. More than a year ago, he walked down the same alley towards the gate. A wall with massive ferreous gates rises in front of his eyes. He knows what’s waiting for him inside. It might have been easier to never come back here again. But it no longer matters. Perhaps when he finally sees him, the soul will be filled with pain again. Only pain is still reminiscent of his late life. At least this part of humanity is still to him._

_Formerly the heart burned with hatred, deep and brutal, but over time it faded, leaving only an endless emptiness. He no longer saw the spring blooming in nature, the unfolding flowers, green leaves. No longer heard the birds sing, the swish of the trees. All that’s left is memories, and it’s just disjointed, incoherent. And, occasionally, a deep, cold pain that permeates the emptiness of the soul._

_Reality suddenly disappears, the world perishes in the emptiness..._

Zuko sits by the fire and listens to the soothing Uncle’s voice. The day after he lost his mother, he never got to hear any tales before bed. He didn’t want that anyway. He didn’t like fairy tales, he was an adult from an early age, he wanted to be a strong man and take a part in the Hundred Years’ War.

But it’s not even a fairy tale. Iroh tells him a true story. That story probably has some deeper meaning that his Uncle is trying to reveal to him, but he is too tired to try to find out. Damn Iroh, always talks hints and tries to teach him things. He doesn’t need help. He never needed to. Help means you are weak and vulnerable, and he wanted to be a man, not a whining boy. Real men don’t cry. Real men show no pain. And he never wanted anyone to feel sorry for him.

_And who would be anyways?_

He is a traitor. He is hated by the Fire Nation and by entire world. He is rejected by everybody. Even by those he is trying to help. No matter how hard he tries, he cannot escape the fact he is from the Fire Nation. And no matter that he does something good, he is still evil in the eyes of all of them. It’s like a spreading virus. One hates him and so everyone else does.

YOU’VE ALWAYS THROWN EVERYTHING YOU COULD AT ME! WELL I CAN TAKE IT! AND NOW I CAN GIVE IT BACK! COME ON! STRIKE ME! YOU’VE NEVER HELD BACK BEFORE!

But the lightning never came. Zuko was left standing on the mountain, crying and screaming. Waiting for something without even knowing what it is. Tears ran down his cheeks, along with the coldest rain in the world. He was soaking wet but he didn’t care. It would have been much better that lightning would have hit him. Then, at least, he would have known if he really could give it back. And even if not... even if...

_He would be dead, and he wouldn’t care._

Iroh found him lying in a puddle of mud, his hands were wrapping his knees, body trembling from the cold or maybe more out of frustration and obscurity of his miserable empty life.

“Zuko!” He screamed painfully and stumbled next to his so beloved nephew, trying to lift him off the ground. “I was so worried about you, you know that? I thought our ways were separating again. I don’t want to lose you, you must to understand me.”

“Why, Uncle?” No matter how hard Iroh tried to lift him, Zuko fell on his knees and clasped his hands under his stomach as if trying to suppress the settled pain. “I’m worthless and pathetic. I don’t belong anywhere and I’m not worthy of your attention and care. I’m not worthy of anyone’s attention... not even my own...”

“I know it’s hard for you, but you have to go ahead and stop looking at your past. You have to look at your future. At the one you want. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dark it is. You have to find your way to that light.”

“But how, Uncle?! How can’t I look at the past? Three years have passed since my banishment, but I still can’t forget what happened. Anything of it! How can I look at my future when I can’t see it?! I make mistakes one after another and I don’t know how to fix them!”

“You need time to heal, and it will be a very long process.” Iroh patted his wet hair and tried to lift him off the ground again. “You’re a lost and complicated young man, Zuko, but I believe in you. You can do anything you want.”

“But my father hates me! And all I want is for him to love me! And to do that I need the Avatar.”

“You don’t need your father’s love to do the right thing. Ozai has punished you for speaking out of term, but you can create a better life for yourself without trying to show him your respect and love by doing something undoable.”

“And what do you suggest me to do?! Forget I have a father?! Make mistake after mistake until I finally find what I really need?!”

“It doesn’t matter how many mistakes you make. Ozai disallow mistakes, but it estrange him away from humanness. You make mistakes, you learn from them, and then you do what is best for you. It shows how much of a human you are. There is nothing wrong with making mistakes if you feel sorry for everything you’ve done. And it doesn’t matter how things will work out, I will always be with you.”

“Have you even looked at me?!” Zuko covered his face with his palms, sobbing. “Have you seen my face?! How could you ever want to be with... someone like... me?!”

“Because I love you as my son, Zuko. And that’s all that matters.” Iroh gently cupped his hands and pulled them away from his face, then landed Zuko’s chin in his own palms, tilting his head against his face. “I don’t care if you are weak or strong, scarred or not, I will be here to support you. Your scar doesn’t show that you are weak. The scar shows how wrong and cruel your father is. He isn’t worth your tears. He’s not worth your pain at all.”

Zuko finally lifted his eyes slowly. Very slowly, the cold rain still washing his hopeless-looking face. And their gazes met. Iroh’s eyes were sincere and tender. Even though he was smiling, you could see the pain in them. The pain for a struggling boy who is now his only and dearest son. After all, Zuko needs one next to him, he’s still a child even if he cannot admit it.

He couldn’t remember everything that followed thereafter, he only knew that Iroh carried him back to their camp. He could feel his warm strong arms grasping his body from the back, holding him from falling. Probably they were riding on an ostrich-horse, he could feel a light, slumberous bouncing. It was no longer raining. In order to calm his mind, Zuko tried to imagine that he is still nine years old and his father carrying him on his brawny back. And then, his consciousness fell somewhere very, very deep.

And now, here they are, sitting by the fire and warming up as if nothing had happened at all. Only their looks can show something else...

Focusing his golden eyes into the flames flying around his face, Zuko thinks about... something. Dark circles are visible beneath those tired eyes, full of unspeakable pain. Iroh wants to talk to him about his weakness when they were on the mountain, but knows he will be silent. Self-contained, just like every time. Iroh knows Zuko will never talk about it himself, that he is ashamed of his weakness, that he tried to be strong, but he failed. He’s just too proud to talk about it, and it hurt Iroh badly. All the time.

“Stop looking at me, I’m fine!” Zuko grits his teeth and turning his back slides into a dark corner. His arms crossed over his chest, his legs bent, with his feet underneath his body. He looks angry and just stares at the wall. And because of the fire throwing light on that wall, he sees a dark rising shadow, then he feels a loving hand gently touching his shoulder.

“You have to take a rest, my nephew.” The shadow owner says. “Tomorrow will be a better day. I’m sure you’ll learn some new things.”

“I’ll try.” Zuko’s voice no longer sounds angry. He knows there is nothing to be angry about, his Uncle is trying to help him. And Iroh knows he’s a good but stubborn boy so he’s patient. “I’m sorry. I didn’t have to act the way I did.”

And no longer wanting to say anything else, he goes to his bed. Lying, with his face turned to the wall, he pulls the blanket up to his ears. He hears Iroh sigh deeply and reach for him with a swish, then pulling his blanket, covering his back more securely. Zuko wants to say that he is fine like that and he is not a little boy, but somehow only silence escapes from his mouth. This little gesture looks kind of cute to him and he can barely hold his tears. After all, when he was banished, he had no one around, the only one who always supported him was Uncle. He is lucky to have at least someone.

“His name’s Lee.” Zuko says suddenly while his Uncle is still kneeling next to him. He can feel his confused look so he continues. “The boy I met when our ways were parted. He thought of me as if I were his brother, Sen Su, who is currently in war. He somehow admired me, wanted me to stay longer, to teach him how to fight. But then, he was kidnapped by some Earth Kingdom soldiers. They were bullies, I had no choice but to show them who I am. And after everything I did for him, the boy just shoved in my face how much he hates me. And just because I’m from the Fire Nation.”

His voice sounds bitter now. For a while, there is a complete silence. Iroh thinks about what his nephew said, then his hand goes up to caress his hair. They are as soft as silk, but even softer is the hand that carefully travels down to the cheeks to brush the tears away. Zuko doesn’t want to show that he’s crying, and Iroh understands that well and doesn’t try to talk about it.

“The world is cold and ruthless, my dear.” Finally, Iroh says. “Not all the people are as understanding as they seem. Sometimes you do something good, but they don’t accept it because they know your roots. But just because you’re from the Fire Nation it doesn’t make you bad. And just because they don’t know who you really are, it doesn’t mean that you can’t try to show them, even if you fail over and over again. Don’t make yourself fall because of their opinions.”

“But... I’m lost, Uncle.” His voice sounds sad and miserable this time. “I don’t know who I am anymore.”

“There’s a simple truth you need to acknowledge.” He’s silent for a moment, as if trying to think his words through. “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, Zuko.”

“But what does that even mean?”

“If we keep punishing those we deem cruel, then we’re no better than the bad people ourselves. This boy hates you for who you are, and what he did is wrong, indeed, but if you keep your head clear, you will know that you can’t hate him back, because it will only cause more hatred. Don’t let that hatred to overpower you. Let your wisdom take the lead.”

“I think, I’m disappointed, but... I don’t hate him, Uncle.”

“Good. I knew you don’t.”

Zuko turns to him and smiles. The edges of his eyes are wet with tears, he is so eager to cry again, but he tries his best to smile, not to show his weakness. And then he falls into his Uncle’s arms. His shaking hands presses against his shoulder blades, fingers clenching the garment he wears. He doesn’t want to leave or let his Uncle go.

_Never again._


	2. Zuko vs. Erthbenders

Zuko is already asleep, but soon his ears catches some kind of noise outside. His eyes wide open, he listens to what’s going on and hears whispers around. Trying to make no sound, he rises from the bedding, his hand aiming at the dao swords leaning against the wall, next to the pillow. For a moment, Zuko glances at his Uncle, but he is sleeping hard, his front facing the wall. He wonders how Iroh can be such a heavy sleeper and so confident about himself when there are so many bandits around and a war going on, plus, they are refugees, anyone can recognize who they really are and take them back to the Fire Nation, and most importantly, to Azula.

Zuko slowly walks to the door, looks at his Uncle again, his eyes softening. Deciding not to wake him up, the young man lowers the handle and goes outside. His body is immediately shrouded by the cool air and the skin is shuddered by large, cold drops of rain. The rain had just begun, a big storm just waiting ahead.

But soon Zuko feels some kind of danger and ignores the cold. Holding his swords at his waist, he looks around and slowly walks forward. Suddenly, he senses a person beside himself, frightened, he turns around and instinctively lifts his swords. The opponent moves too, his somehow weird sword slides through Zuko’s blade and then slams to the ground with tremendous power thus forcing Zuko to fall. As soon as his head hits the ground, he feels a tight grip on his neck, swords fall out of his hands and the boy is desperately trying to loosen the fingers that clench his throat.

Soon, he’s short of air, eyes shut, feels as if the strength is abandoning his whole body. For a moment, Zuko thinks he’s going to die, but with his other hand he finds a stone and with all the force hits the attacker. When the grip finally releases, Zuko turns around on his back and kicks him away. They rise from the ground simultaneously. Only then, Zuko sees that the guy is just a few years older than him. By his clothing and solid stance, he can tell that the guy is an earthbender.

“What are you doing?!” Zuko asks angrily.

“You won’t fool me, I know who you are. The scar proves it all. Leave these lands or everyone will know you are from the Fire Nation.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Trying to deny it?” Zuko can see a smirk on his face. “Show me what you have then, you little pesk.”

His piercing eyes glow in the dark. He tramples with his foot, and a boulder shots at Zuko incredibly fast. He tries to reach for swords, lying within a few meters of him, but another boulder presses him to the ground.

“Do you really think you can easily get me over?”

Zuko jumps up and gets closer to his opponent. Strangely, he can no longer see that strange sword, but sees the bender pulling out a dagger. Zuko frantically turns to the side, trying to get a slightest chance of grabbing his swords. From his turn, the opponent loses his balance, so Zuko clenches his fist for impact. But the hit is too weak and too sudden, after all, he is not a master of fist fighting and he doesn’t want to use his firebending to reveal himself.

When the fist slides down the opponent’s face for the second time, they both cling to the ground. Earthbender’s hand entangles in his cloak and Zuko becomes superior, and starts hitting the opponent from all sides while trying to knock out his dagger. The bender frees his hand and hits Zuko in the ribs, tries to jab twice, but unsuccessfully. Then, he jumps up behind Zuko, but he turns around skillfully, falls on his feet and slips closer. The enemy holds the dagger with both hands, causing Zuko to grip it, protecting himself from danger. They struggle for a few seconds about the position of the dagger; the earthbender tries to target at Zuko, and Zuko doesn’t let him.

And finally they jump on their feet again. The stranger throws a nervous glance at Zuko, ready to attack at any moment. Zuko strikes him right in the back of the head, the bender falls on his back, but doesn’t lose consciousness and stands up. Then he punches Zuko in the jaw so badly the boy rolls ten yards forward. After that, he gets closer, grabs the child, but a strong hit pushes him away.

Zuko hastily lifts his head, the opponent jumps on him right away. They fall again and punch each other, rolling on the ground. The earthbender tries to press his opponent under himself, but he slips out in a deceptively sudden movement, rolls, and continues punching his face. Losing his patience, the bender lifts the boulder and throws his opponent down.

Zuko slowly gets up. The opponent looks tired and brushes the blood from his split lip with the left hand. When he sees youngster’s looks on him, he smiles creepily, with desire to fight him more. Preparing for the attack, the opponents start circling each other. They breathe heavily, but at times they laugh, slightly carefree, however, Zuko feels his laughter burgeoning with hateress. He feels dizzy in his head, chest and knuckles hurt.

Zuko attacks the opponent and finally knocks dagger out of his hands. The stranger strikes Zuko so hard that he screams and smacks his opponent in stomach. Then they both jump off each other. Heavily catching their breaths, they look each other in the eye. The earthbender seems gone far crazy with excitement and impatience.

After a few moments, he sees a fist approaching him. By retreating backwards, he hits Zuko in already damaged ear. It seems as if the brain were turning over in his head, he feels his body slam into something, but somehow manages to stand up and push himself forward, anywhere but away from danger. But the earthbender catches up and hits him in the back. Avoiding, Zuko pushes something away, he can barely stand on his feet, vision is getting madly blurry. The opponent goes straight at him, clutching something long in his hand—a rod or a stick—it’s hard to understand. He goes flabby as if he’s drunk, his face is dirty and bloody. Zuko retreats, frightened that he didn’t seem to understand that they fight until one of them dies.

The fight is even more violent now than before. Zuko jumps to his opponent, but the rod smashes into his shoulder, and it all gets numb. The kid never realized that he could be in so much pain. The earthbender, as if losing his head, squeezes Zuko in his arms and slams him on the ground.

As soon as he is on top, he picks up the dagger, grabs Zuko by the head and presses him to the ground. Zuko seeks to strike, but the guy bents over and shoves the dagger in his stomach, feeling a narrow short blade yanking his clothes, getting into the body. Zuko doesn’t understand immediately and still resists. The stranger clings to him, as if hiding in his arms could avoid hits. The dagger goes even deeper. Zuko moans, his hands suddenly loosens and falls down. The earthbender deftly jumps off, his muscles all tense.

_Zuko, please, my love, listen to me. Everything I’ve done, I’ve done to protect you. Remember this, Zuko. No matter how things may seem to change, never forget who you are._

Zuko lies motionless, eyes closed. He hears his mother’s voice in his head. No, he can’t show he is a firebender. Not this time. The last time he listened to that voice, he was rejected and hated. He can’t fall for that again. He needs to hide who he really is.

Zuko can’t see, but feel the earthbender coming closer, imagine the smile on his face when he knows he is winning this fight. But he can’t move and save himself, he’s too tired. Wants to fall asleep permanently, let everything end as soon as possible. Wait, no, he doesn’t want to die! He can’t die, even if his whole life has been nothing but suffering and lies.

Suddenly, he hears voices and his eyes wide open. There are several people around, probably also benders. They aren’t moving, just looking at him and waiting for something. Of course, Zuko heard some whispers before leaving the house, how could he forget? The earthbender didn’t come here alone, and now that Zuko has been defeated, they will lock him in the cell and take him to the Fire Nation. To Azula. He lost again. Even though he didn’t show himself as a firebender, he still lost. He hated failure, but he hated himself even more for not knowing how to win, how to think things through. Maybe his father was right, maybe he was lucky to be born. He’s a loser, a disgrace for his family.

At that moment, Zuko sees the fire coming down in front of him. Earthbenders retreat.

“Uncle! Uncle!” Zuko screams joyfully, feeling relieved, tears run down his cheeks.

“Crush his hands!” One of the benders says in an agitated voice. “Hurry up!”

Zuko tries to use his fire—his Uncle showed them that they are the firebenders anyway—but huge boulders oppress his hands before the fire comes out. He hears a dreadful scream and only later realizes it’s his own voice. It’s so dreadful that he is terribly scared himself, he doesn’t understand how he can scream like that, he has never heard such a painful scream in his life. Even when his father burned his face in front of everyone, he quickly lost consciousness and didn’t feel physical pain for long. But not this time.

He tries to pull his hands out from under the boulders, but only rips an even more painful voice from his throat. He feels his muscles tearing apart and his bones crack. If he tries to pull again he would probably lose his hands permanently, so he tries not to move them anymore. And everything will be fine, right? Uncle will save him... soon, just wait a little more... a little...

And he feels the legs tighten. They want to crush his legs too that he couldn’t escape! But suddenly he remembers the fire breath, his only solution. Without waiting, he tries to calm down and inhales deeply. As he exhales with a sudden blow, fire spreads around and the earthbenders retreat. Somebody’s screaming, probably got hit.

Zuko wants to inhale again and just breathe the fire until all the dangerous obstacles will finally leave him, but the one he had fought before, raises a boulder. In his arms, that boulder changes into a sword and without a doubt to have mercy he makes a swing amain. The voice gets stuck in Zuko’s throat when his eyes suddenly goes blank and he sees nothing but darkness. Blood floods his whole face, running through his ears and neck. He cannot understand what he is feeling because the pain is too great to call it pain.

“Uncle, Uncle, please!” He cries out with a voice that is still left. But nobody responds. He knows his Uncle won’t save him, but desperately seeks for the last hope. Iroh can’t protect him, he is still wounded after Azula struck him, and the enemies are too much to overcome for one man. He probably lost that fight just as terribly as he did.

Zuko wants to get up and save his so beloved Uncle, he knows he’s the only one who loves him like no one else would. Even more pain flooded his chest when he thought that maybe Iroh is now lying somewhere nearby, wounded worse than him, but he just can’t see him. Or maybe things are worse, maybe Iroh will never get up again and he will be left forever alone.

Zuko already knows—and doesn’t feel now—that something is wrong here. Uncle wouldn’t let him suffer, be injured or die, he would surely save him, he would have saved as soon as he heard his screams. But he doesn’t show himself, no longer shows even the slightest sign that he is alive, that the earthbenders haven’t hurt him.

He is praying for spirits and for all the higher powers to bring this nightmare to an end. He even thinks that if the Avatar showed up and saved him, he would take that humiliation to keep his Uncle safe. And he feels the rain... The small droplets slowly fall on his face, gradually turning into large drops, washing away the blood that flows down and absorbs into the ground. Nobody moves or he hears anything in a rustle. Are these trees? The body is permeated by an even greater cold and fear. And darkness...

_But no one shows up..._

_And nobody saves them..._


	3. An Empty Soul...

_They were all young, arrogant, fearless, full of desire to prove their love for their homeland. Wanted to become heroes. They rushed to the first battle with their heads raised proudly, shouting meaningless slogans, waving their sleek new swords. Only to be greeted by death. Reality stabbed like a sword into the hearts—there are no heroes in war. After a month only a few of them remained alive, and they were jealous of the fallen; same madness every day, blood, pointless killings..._

_Everyone he knew, his friends, the brothers of the gun, perished in front of his eyes... Quickly, victory was no different than defeat. One bloody day followed another, most of which was left out of memory, only blank gaps between them. But all the time there was hope burning in his heart, a source of life—Lu Ten was waiting... Only because of his eyes, his smile, his touch, it was worth fighting for, it was worth living in a bloody nightmare. But a week ago, the news came, the final blow that destroyed his soul..._

_A wall with massive ferreous gates rises in front of his eyes. He knows what’s waiting for him inside. It might have been easier to never come back here again. But it no longer matters. Perhaps when he finally sees him, the soul will be filled with pain again. Only pain is still reminiscent of his late life. At least this part of humanity is still to him._

_Formerly the heart burned with hatred, deep and brutal, but over time it faded, leaving only an endless emptiness. He no longer saw the spring blooming in nature, the unfolding flowers, green leaves. No longer heard the birds sing, the swish of the trees. All that’s left is memories, and it’s just disjointed, incoherent. And, occasionally, a deep, cold pain that permeates the emptiness of the soul._

_“Stop.”_

_The hoofing detains—the ostrich-horse stops at the gate of the fortress. The rider lifts his head, removes his hood and looks at the guards. They exchange glances, but quickly bow their heads._

_“General Iroh...”_

_“Open the gate.”_

_The rider’s senseless and empty, whispering voice makes the guards tense up again. For a moment, it seems as if they were trying to say something, but they change their minds. The gates creak and slowly open._

_As soon as he enters the main hallway of the citadel, he is met by a senior counselor, obese, dressed in gilded grandiose clothes. This man never saw the real world, he doesn’t know how his subordinates live, he never left the fortress at least once in the last year to look around, to keep an eye on common run._

_“General Iroh. I see, the message has reached you...” His voice is full of sweet, artificial sympathy._

_“Where is he?” A cold voice reverberates in the room. All the people in the hall turn to the General, and the silence prevails._

_The counselor shudders nervously, with sweat dripping down his forehead. “In his apartments.” This time, no more hypocrisy is heard in his voice, only fear, full of wonder._

_Here is the door in front of him. The end of the world awaits behind them. He doesn’t know what he’ll do after, where he’ll go, how he’ll live—but it doesn’t matter anymore. Doesn’t matter from the moment his eyes ran through the first lines of the fateful letter. Then he cried, blazed with hatred, but the fire that burned in his heart and sustained his life went out forever. All that’s left now is just this senseless existence and desire to look at him for the last time._

_The hand slowly grips the iron handle. A few soldiers and maids standing at the end of the hallway look nervously, but they don’t dare to approach or say a word—they don’t perceive, they cannot comprehend his feelings. Maybe they think he is in despair, in pain. And they are wrong. No more tears run down his face again._

_The door opens and he enters a familiar room. Suddenly, the thoughts are filled with an avalanche of memories: all those wonderful evenings, unforgettable nights... Now it all seems distant and hazy, unrealistic. It’s like a forbidden paradise you can’t go back to. Windows, carpet, closet, desk..._

_The eyes run smoothly through an old and intrusive image, in which each stroke is deeply engraved in memory. Long red curtains, old bed, decorated with wood trim ornaments. And on neat, flawlessly ironed beds, Lu Ten is the only clear form, a bright figure in a blurred and faded world. Rich black neatly combed hair touch his shoulders, face, calm and emotionless, eyes closed as if he’s sleeping. But never waking up again... A burning word rises in front of his eyes, darker than a darkest nightmare, a word sharper than a sword, deadly and merciless—killed..._

_Reality suddenly disappears, the world perishes in the emptiness. As if in a dream, a hand strokes his silky hair. The same hand that recently used to hold the sword with the dripping blood of enemies. Would he forgive? Would he understand, how he is now, what that means... How many fates did he killed with this hand? How many more empty souls have been released into the world?_

_“I thought you might want to see him as soon as he came out of this world...” The counselor’s voice, silent and sweet, full of sarcastic artificial sympathy, flows like a poison. “Deep compassion, it goes without saying.”_

_The counselor’s figure is like a ghost crawling into a room and stopping at the bed._

_“That painful irony of fate... After so much hassle and struggle, a contemptible knife to your back. Once again, deep sympathy. But a war is a war. No doubt, you understand: in war, sometimes we have to sacrifice ourselves, but our fight is for a noble purpose...”_

_“Get out and leave us alone.”_

_“Yes, yes... of course. Excuse me, General...” A barely noticeable smile disappears of the counselor’s lips. “I just came to announce that your brother wants to see you now.”_

_After a last glimpse of Lu Ten’s body, the counselor leaves as silently as always._

_For the “noble” purpose. A noble purpose... Is the one who did this to Lu Ten also did this for a “noble” purpose?.._

_The hall is already full of people. Various squires, scribes, generals, fiercely arguing over huge maps. At the end of the red carpet in the middle, you can see a huge flaming throne, where the new Fire Lord, Ozai, sits with his scepter in one hand, and his head resting on his palm. Black hair tied in a knot on pate, with a golden crown on top, the rest of the loose hair covering his shoulders. And eyes... They burn with a hot but at the same time freezing cold flame._

_The General approaches the throne and, according to tradition, kneels on the floor, lowering his head. Better let his brother not to see his eyes._

_“Brother!” A clear and powerful voice echoes in the hall. “Finally, you came back. My heart breaks knowing how you feel. This disaster hurt me no less than you. But I promise to you, they will pay for this! Our armies will crush them to the ground!”_

_Doesn’t he understand?_

_“We will do justice, both for Lu Ten and your wife...”_

_Wife... Doesn’t he feel the same? What kind of justice? You cannot shed the blood because of the shed blood... not like this... never again..._

_“No, my brother, I’m not going back. Not anymore.”_

_Suddenly, silence fills the room. Everyone’s eyes turn to the General, as if he had said the stupidest and craziest thing in the world. Guards nervously squeeze their spears, but the Lord’s face, little by little, changes from amazement to sympathy._

_“You don’t understand what you’re saying... But you just need to rest and recover.”_

_Recover? His soul is already dead. It died at the very second he read that heartbreaking letter. There is no way back._

_“As soon as you rest, you will seek revenge.” The Lord’s voice continues to strike like a thunder. “I have no doubt that the last day you will lead our troops to the inevitable victory.”_

_“No.” A word like a blade cuts through the air, cold and fierce. “I retire.”_

_Everybody in hall gasps in awe, most faces are succumbed by the shadows of fear. A few silent whispers are heard around: “he’s insane... that was too much for him...” And this time, Ozai’s face changes to furious._

_“What?! Do you mean we’ve been fighting in vain all this time? They are enemies! Pathetic enemies! It will only end when I see their King’s HEAD at MY FEET. And DO NOT DARE to say “NO” anymore! Aren’t we suffering enough because of them?!”_

_Enough... The people of Ba Sing Se has suffered enough, because the Fire Nation started this war. They are the real enemies. They themselves are pathetic enemies. Even Iroh himself. He knows now that violence isn’t an answer, but that flame in his brother’s eyes—in the eyes of them all—it’s just madness... that imperfect humanity. Drama with no end. Generals, kings, soldiers, common people—like stupid sheeps, without realizing anything, fall from the edge of the same abyss. Is it fate? To die of your own madness?_

_Like so many times before, the General’s hand only takes a moment on the way to the sword’s scabbard and back. And he leaves without an answer._

_That morning the city was awakened by announcement from the fortress. The townspeople listens anxiously. They don’t know yet that the battle is over..._


	4. ... and Broken Body

_Zuko, please, my love, listen to me..._

Ursa’s soft and soothing voice flows like a lullaby. Like a cocoon, the body is wrapped by warmth and tenderness, and at the same time by omnipotent protection. He wants to never leave that cocoon, listen to that voice, imagine that everything is perfectly fine, but reality suddenly strikes his body like a lightning—Ursa isn’t here, it’s just a voice. Voice can’t help. Voice can’t protect from anything. The past can’t help the present. Ursa is gone, or even dead. She can’t just come and protect him.

Protect him from what? Memory works hard as if clouded by drowsiness. However, consciousness gradually returns. Slowly, very slowly, he begins to understand things, to remember obscure details. It seems that everything happened eternity ago, the images are so vague, blurry, as if it’s all just a dream. Zuko still doesn’t fully understand if it’s reality, his head is heavy like a stone and it hurts terribly. It feels like his head is about to split in half.

Earthbenders... stone sword... fighting... the rain of tears... wait, or was it just a rain? He can’t understand, but can clearly imagine Uncle’s face when he was humiliated by those benders. They don’t understand. They will never understand. They don’t know that Zuko is not evil, even if he is from the Fire Nation. Not all of them are that bad. Ozai... is the biggest evil, he’s controlling everyone. His father... the person he was used to admire. But now? How can he look at him with the same admiration? After everything he did and what he is possibly going to do? After left him with a permanent scar? He thought all the time that he was worthy of this punishment, that that scar showed how he disrespected his country, his people, and his father. But Ozai just made him think so. The truth was far more painful.

But Uncle always supported him and was always sincere... Even on the day he got his face burned, Iroh was next to him all the time, trying to reduce his suffering. Zuko can still hear his soft voice, gentle hands stroking his hair and face, as he cried with unbearable pain. However, the mental pain back then was even more unbearable. His body was broken into thousands of shards, but so was the soul. He thought he will never gather those shards together again, never return to his normal self, but if it wasn’t Uncle, he wouldn’t have come out of that mire. Now he has himself, but some shards are still missing and he can’t find them anywhere.

And now Zuko finally remembers what happened. After the earthbender drew his stone sword, he saw nothing but felt the rain washing his face and heard his own voice screaming for help.

_But his Uncle didn’t respond..._

He tries to open his eyes, but fails, as if they were glued together. Then he tries to stand up slowly, but a terrible pain pierce his hands and he remains lying down, trying to figure out where he is. And where is Uncle? Maybe they were captured by earthbenders and taken to the Fire Nation? The Prince listens; the wind blows around him, bending the trees, and it means that they can’t be in the Fire Nation, they are still in the woods. He’s not sure if Uncle is with him though, he can’t feel anything lying near him, he only knows that he himself lies in dirt. His body shivers from the cold.

How much time has passed? A day? Or two? Or just a few hours? He can’t perceive in time, he can’t see it’s day or night now, as if someone had turned off the light. As if he had lost his vision or was thrown into a deep pit with no source of light. Despite that, Zuko tries to stand up again, only this time leaning on the ground by his elbows. The bones of his hands broke after the earthbenders pressed them with boulders, and the pain still remains, only slightly decreased.

After the second try, when he fails to get up, he tries again, this time holding his elbows firmly to the ground to prevent them from slipping down, lifts his upper body to turn himself over. When he does, he curls his legs under his belly, putting his calves to the ground, and lifts his upper body again. Now he kneels, but that doesn’t improve the situation, he still can’t see anything and can’t go anywhere with his condition.

“Uncle! Uncle?!” Zuko’s voice sounds like a wail in this mad silence, echoes somewhere far away and disappears into the distance. He’s all alone. Uncle is not here and it only sows more fear in him. Maybe he’s lying dead somewhere... Or maybe escaped... But how? No matter how hard Zuko tries to remember, he fails to restore memories of how he got rid of his enemies, after all, he was about to die. Obscurity plagues him even more, and he never felt so scared... No, he can’t succumb to fear, he must to go further and find Iroh. He’ll try a little... just a little more and...

Zuko’s legs don’t move, no matter how much he wants to stand up. They are heavy as if not a part of his body, as if he is trying to lift some other thing. The earthbenders haven’t crushed them, he can’t feel even the slightest wound, but maybe his body is just too weak to go. He feels hopeless, he can only wait for help, and his mind is gradually filled with anger. How can he just wait for help when Uncle is probably waiting for him? How can he just lie when his life depends on him? How can he be so weak? And the worst part that he decided not to show his firebend when he needed it most, and then it was too late to use it...

Zuko tries to calm his mind and takes a deep breath. He hears nothing for a while but his own inhaling and exhaling, but soon his ears catch some branch crack in the woods. His regular breathing disrupts immediately.

“Who’s there?!” He asks, frightened.

“No, don’t do anything you’ll regret later!” He hears a timid girl’s voice behind his back. “I’m not here to hurt you!”

“Who... who are you?” Zuko recognizes that voice deep inside his mind, but his brain tries to reject the thought.

The girl ignores his question and moves closer. “What happened to you? Why are you all alone here?”

Zuko’s tense. He doesn’t want to remember what happened that night and doesn’t want to restore the pain, so he tries to be strong and not to show that his broken hands and the wound he has in his stomach hurts. The wound in his stomach isn’t deep, but he still feels it, which prevents him from thinking clearly.

“That’s fine, you don’t have to tell me, but you need help and I’ll save you.” Zuko hears that the girl is already close, tries to stand up and go by himself, but falls to the ground, moaning.

“Where do you plan to go in this condition?” She asks. “Although I am blind, I can feel your heartbeat and see your wounds. You shouldn’t walk with such a head injury.”

“I don’t need any help.” He hisses through his teeth.

“No, you are wrong. If I leave you here, you’ll die.”

“Why should you worry about that?”

Zuko can’t hear the answer, but soon he feels a hand gently landing on his face, carefully caressing his eyes, nose and lips as if trying to examine every curve of his facade. He’s eager to grab that hand, he’s angry that someone without permission just touches his scar, but gets restrained and just waits for the hand to pull away.

“They hit you hard.” The girl’s voice sounds a little troubled. “I know who can help you, but you have to go with me and don’t resist.”

The Prince thinks for a minute. Does his head make tricks on him or does he really recognize that voice? Can she really be that girl? The day Azula struck Iroh with lightning, she was with the Avatar and his group and helped them to defeat his sister. Even more anger floods his body. How can she just come and say she will help him if she is clearly on the Avatar’s side? After all, she should be his deadly enemy. Those who go along with the Avatar and prevent him from catching the boy, all are his enemies. Enemies can’t help their enemies, they must hate each other!

“How do you know how many people I fought?” He asks firmly.

“I don’t, but you are strong, I can sense it. One person can’t do so much harm to you. If we don’t hurry, your wounds will get infected, let me lift you out of that dirt.”

“I told you, I don’t need any help. Leave me alone.”

“No, you must to get some treatment.” She opposes.

“Not from a peasant like you, Earthbender. I know who you are!”

“I have a name, you know. You can call me Toph. Lucky, I am too good today to beat you up for it. At least, I have a heart, unlike your stone heart, Firebender!”

“Don’t act like you don’t know my name. They probably told a lot of horrible things about me.”

“Are you still talking?”

“YES, I AM.”

“I see, you still have enough strength to argue. Maybe you’re not as hurt as I thought at first. It probably best if I just go now and forget that I found you here, because it’s so easy, right?”

Her voice is full of doubt, but Zuko can hear her steps moving away from him. He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t care what she’ll do next. He doesn’t need his enemies help, he better die. He doesn’t know what was on his mind when he prayed for Avatar’s help to keep his Uncle safe. He doesn’t want that humiliation and anyone’s pity...

But suddenly, he hears Toph approaching again, then feels her hands grip him tightly and lift him off the ground. With her hand on his back, she helps him to sit.

“You stupid, you really don’t care about yourself?” She laughs nervously.

“You are the one who’s stupid.” Zuko cuts off. “I can burn your ass to ashes.”

“But you won’t.” Toph is smiling now. “No matter what they say, I feel good in you. You’re not bad, you’re just lost. You may not admit it now, but you know it yourself.”

“You sound exactly the same as my Uncle.” Zuko grumbles.

“Is it good or bad?”

“Both.” Toph clamps his waist harder and helps him to rise up, but he can’t even stand without her hands otherwise he would flop to the ground. His legs still don’t obey him as if they were wooden, and he hates it even more.

“Can you walk?” The Earthbender asks. “Your legs doesn’t feel to be injured. How long have you been lying here?”

“I don’t know.” Leaning on Toph, Zuko tries to go. He feels like he’s going to throw up, it’s so bad, but he has to go. He hates that someone helps him, that treats him like a child. So what that he feels bad? That he is hurt? After all, he’s a man, and he wants to be treated like a man. Nobody but Uncle helped him before and that was more than enough.

But if he doesn’t want to die for real, he must forget his pride, he knows that deep down inside, though it’s very difficult to do so. Maybe he simply doesn’t believe that anyone without his Uncle wants to help him. So many years have passed since his mother disappeared somewhere, when he was left without anything. In the last few years, everyone has betrayed him and hurt him, even the ones he loved, so now he has trouble believing in good and he doesn’t want to be attached and get disappointed again. But it’s too difficult for him to think about it now, his body is broken, full of wounds, just as his soul, destroyed and weak. But how is it possible to live with destroyed body and soul? How did he manage to survive for so long?

_Isn’t it because he still wants to live, but tries to fool himself that he doesn’t?_

“Are you... scared of me?” Zuko’s voice sounds uncomfortable after a long silence.

“What?” Toph places his hand over her shoulder and they slowly move forward. Each step sacrifices more and more strength, but the Prince tries to pretend that it’s not that bad.

“I can feel it. Your voice is nervous... you are scared of me... because I am a Firebender?”

“No. Why did you assumed this?” She laughs, her voice sounds like tiny chimes, moving along with the light wind. He wants to scream because he thinks that not only Toph herself but her voice is also helping him. He somehow likes that laugh, it calms his nerves and he can’t build his strength to resist. Why did he deserve her help? Or maybe it’s a curse? After all, she’ll take him to the Avatar and his friends, who won’t be overjoyed to see him. He will probably have to flee without getting any treatment.

Toph feels his strength slowly drying out, no matter how strong he is, and she tries her best to make it as easy as possible for him to go and carry most of his weight. Zuko feels it and he is embarrassed, he tries to go by himself as much as he can. She’s still a little girl, much smaller than him, so his legs slip with each step and half-drag on the ground. Until he loses his strength completely and his body gets limp.

He’s still conscious though, but he wants to fall asleep so he doesn’t have to feel humiliated. But is it really humiliation? His brain begins to doubt. He never asked for help, this girl decided to help him herself. She doesn’t pay attention who he is, that he now looks like a vagrant and a scoundrel, she doesn’t mock him as the earthbenders did. She is as caring as his Uncle, trying to see only the good in him, and ignoring the bad for some reasons. Maybe because that good part is bigger than the bad one and his whole body is drowned in obscurity and pain, because his father wants the bad part to grow bigger.

Uncle... Zuko miss him so much that it hurts. He imagines that it’s him who carries him away from all the problems, from the pain. And tries to hold back the tears in his eyes.

Why does everything have to be so difficult?


	5. In the Claws of Darkness

_Zuko is running. He doesn’t know where, he’s just running away. He can’t see, it’s too dark, and it scares him even more. He runs like he has never run before, his legs hurt, but he knows he can’t stop. He can’t turn around because danger awaits behind his back and he has to think only about his life. But what about Uncle? He can’t see him, he can’t see anything anymore, only an absolute darkness swallowing up everything around. Zuko feels that he is slowly succumbing to the darkness, that it will swallow him the same way it swallowed his light, but tries not to give up._

_But suddenly he feels the ground slipping under his feet. For a moment, his toes touch the rocks falling off the mount from which he slipped, and the next moment he is soaring in an airless space, desperately seeking for ground. Zuko screams, but in the limitless space his voice is no longer hearable. He wants to rip out whatever voice he can from his throat, to cry all his pain, but his lungs run out of air. At that moment, he feels lying on something soft. It’s his bed. The soft crimson coverlet, the same walls he was used to seeing since his childhood, the ceiling..._

_Fingers tightly grip the coverlet. He is still unable to breathe, his chest hurts like it’s about to burst out. Zuko can’t move, only feel the terrible burning pain that engulfs his body, and he sees only the golden eyes in front of him._

_“Come to me...”_

_The pain..._

_“I've been waiting for you for so long...”_

_Welcoming hands..._

_The pain..._

_“You need me. Only I can help you...”_

_The pain..._

_“You belong to me...”_

_Golden eyes..._

_He can’t hear anything anymore, because everything is withhold by groaning and shouting behind his back. He is no longer in his bed. Somebody is trying to fold him into his mind again. He and his golden eyes... Ozai, he knows that Zuko now is more vulnerable than before. The boy doesn’t have the strength to resist him._

_He screams compellingly and collapses._

_“Come in... I’m waiting for you...”_

_Terrible heat floods his whole body._

_“You know you can’t run anymore...”_

_At the same time, the cold plucks him out of the grip of a burning flame._

Zuko opens his eyes. He can’t see the face accurately, but he can still feel the power that terrifies him.

“It’s all right, we are almost there.” A gentle voice tries to calm him down.

Zuko’s dry lips mumbles a word. “Uncle?”

“I’m not your Uncle. But I can be anyone you want me to be.”

The Prince can’t say anything anymore. He wants to ask Toph a lot of questions, but when his lips open for another word, only a quiet, unclear sound comes out of him.

“You’ll have plenty of time to talk later.” She says. “Save your strength by now, you’ll need it. I know it should be hard, my friends once said some details about you. They’re not your fans after everything you’ve done to them and I don’t know if Katara will want to heal you, but believe me, she’ll have to. Although she is stubborn sometimes, she is not a heartless monster and she will never let you die. She’s a healer, you know? Her instinct is to heal, not to kill–probably the best thing about her.”

Toph’s voice strangely calms him down a bit and he doesn’t utter a word. He wants to hear her voice, wants to know that she still hasn’t left him in this immense forest, wants to feel the moment she will finally do so when she gets tired of carrying his weak and heavy body. But she doesn’t. She continues to carry him. And she will carry him all the way until they reach her camp. But he doesn’t know it and doubts it.

And then what? Zuko is well aware that Aang and his friends will not be glad to see him and all that Toph is doing for him is in vain. But it’s too hard for him to do something now, no matter what happens, sooner or later he’ll end up in the woods where it all started, alone, it doesn’t matter Toph leaves him here or not, her friends will definitely throw him away. Toph doesn’t know Zuko. She doesn’t know how much he hurt her friends, she wasn’t there. If she knew, she would probably leave him immediately. How couldn’t everyone he hurt? Even Katara, who she says leaves no one to die? She would be glad if he died, why shouldn’t she throw him away? It’s impossible, she can’t help her enemy, she’ll never heal him. He’ll never let her...

“Hey Zuko, we’re finally here!” The girl says in a joyful voice. “Don’t get tense, I’ll make them to heal you, I promise.”

“Why?” He is amazed at how clearly and firmly he asks that question even if he feels completely emaciated.

Toph seems a bit delaying in answering, as if trying to understand what he was asking. “I told you, I see good in you. I’m not saying that’s all, I just feel you need a second chance to rethink your choices. My friends might not understand, but I know more than they think. I recently met your Uncle, we had a long conversation about you...”

She goes a little further and stops. Zuko wants to ask her what exactly they were talking about him, but his hand that held over her shoulder slides down and he feels himself falling to the ground. His head touches something uneven, like a tree or a wooden wall, he can’t tell.

“Don’t worry, I’ll call my friends to help me lift you up and get you to a better place. Wait a minute, I’ll be back.”

The Prince hears Toph’s steps fading away in the distance, but she desn’t go far, because he can clearly hear her talking to her friends. But he still can’t see them. He still can’t see anything, as if the light had disappeared from his eyes, as if he is blind.

“Wait, what?!” Zuko catches an astonishing boyish voice and tries to understand who it belongs to. Probably to Katara’s brother, the boy who showed how brave he was, because he tried to attack him without any bending skills on the very first day they met. “You brought Zuko to our camp?! Are you crazy?! He is going to kill us all!”

“Do you hear what I say? He is injured, badly injured. He can’t kill us! I thought maybe Katara could help to heal him.”

“No way! Don’t you think he can attack us after he heals?! Why do you bother to bring him here in the first place?”

“Because he’ll die if Katara doesn’t heal him.”

“It’s probably his own fault. It’s not our problem.”

“It’s my problem now.”

“And what if it’s a trap?” Katara says. “What if he hurt himself intentionally? He probably knew that you would have mercy on him and bring him here. When he has a chance, he’ll capture Aang and take him to the Fire Lord, that’s for sure.”

“A trap, you say?” Toph smirks. “How could anyone do that to themselves and risk their lives? You didn’t even see how awful his wounds look.”

“Zuko is obsessed with capturing Aang, I’m sure he would do anything even risk his own life. But you don’t know it Toph, you weren’t with us when Zuko got Aang and traveled through a blizzard risking freezing to death. Isn’t that a proof?”

“But it doesn’t mean we have to leave him in the woods like that.”

“It does. We have already helped him not to freeze in blizzard, and what has he done for us? He continues to try catching Aang! He is not thankful to us for that! In the end, he could at least say thank you, then maybe for a little bit I would believe that this is not a trap. Sokka’s right, he’s going to kill us if he stays here.”

Zuko’s muscles sore, arms and legs hurt. He doesn’t care about them arguing, he just wants that pain to stop, he wants to fall asleep. Tries to raise his hand to their side, to say something and stop them from shouting. But fails to make clear words, his head slips from the tree into which he is leaning, and touches the ground. For a moment, Toph listens and feels Zuko’s weakening heartbeat.

“YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, KATARA!” She stomps her foot in disbelieve. “CAN’T YOU SEE IT? YOU’RE TORTURING HIM!”

“ME?! HE’S THE ONE WHO’S TORTURING US!” Katara pulls out a pouch attached to her waist and a whip of water rises in front of her. “He won’t fool me anymore, I won’t lose for him this time, I’ll protect Aang at all costs! Believe me, he’s just trying to pretend he’s your friend!”

“Katara, please.” Aang cuts off. “We don’t have to fight him. You can just look at him and then judge the situation.”

“I don’t want to look at him. I can’t. He’s a monster, an enemy.”

“Please, do it for me.”

Aang’s tender and begging voice always affects her. Katara stands stiff for a second with her water whip, then her face starts to soften, her hands slowly lowering. “All right. But I still don’t understand why you defend him after everything what happened.”

Yes, she doesn’t understand. She can’t. And Zuko does. Aang knows his secret, knows what lies behind the Blue Spirit mask–a person who saved his life from Zhao, despite that he was also in danger. He was knocked down with an arrow to his mask, so close to death, freeing his enemy...

Katara returns her water whip back into the pouch. Without saying anything, Toph shows her where she left Zuko and goes to him. Katara comes only after Aang and Sokka follows Toph. She still doesn’t want to help her enemy, you can see disgust on her face, but when her eyes finally meet him, her expression changes instantly, her eyes widen in surprise, her lips open a little as if she wants to say something, but she can’t express her feelings and closes her mouth again. Soon she finds herself leaning over Zuko and placing her palm on his scarred face.

Zuko can feel it clearly, but he doesn’t understand whose touch it is. He hates when someone touches his face, every time it happens his instinct is to retreat, he feels like he can get burned if someone touches his face, it makes him remember the pain he felt when his father scarred him. But now he can’t retreat, so his body starts to shiver in response to the unpleasant sensation. He tries to redirect his thoughts somewhere else, hates that his body is still traumatized after the event, but he can’t change anything, even if he tries to deny it.

“He’s blinded.” Katara whispers.

“I know, right?” Toph says.

“His eyes are infected, he has dirt in them, we must to clean it immediately. And he is running a fever.”

“Don’t forget his wounds. He also has some broken bones.”

“Don’t worry, I'll take care of it. I’m sorry I yelled at you before, Toph.”

“No problem. That's what friends are for.”

“Do you know what exactly happened to him?” Aang asks.

“No, I already found him like this, and he was all alone. I wonder who hurt him so badly?”

“You can ask him later.” Katara says in a serious voice. “Now everyone, help me to lift him.”


	6. Between Life and Death

_Zuko suffers the pain which pierces his body like a lightening through the dark. A complete blackness surrounds him, he can’t see anything, only hear some voices. Somebody puts a hand on his forehead, soon after, the unbearable pain turns into a slight tingling, but quickly strikes again._

_“Zuko, wake up! I’m begging you, WAKE UP!”_

_Another touch to the chest causes an even stronger flash of pain. The boy doesn’t intend to make any sound, but without realising he hears his own scream. It sounds unfamiliar, like someone else’s wail. The weather around him changes a bit, becomes fresh and damp. Cool and soothing wind caresses his face, neck and shoulders, the sensation in his legs and arms completely disappears. He feels only his eyelids, but he can’t open them and see the light._

_He can hear Katara’s voice. “Zuko, please, stay with us!”_

_Zuko feels an internal trembling now, the icy cold floods his whole body. His eyes are still closed as if eyelids are glued forever–he can’t make them to split. More and more people moves around him, he feels the passing time, the rush, the agitation. Only one thought revolves in his head: survive, I need to survive... For some time he doesn’t feel his body, despair poisones his head. But this time he vaguely understands some details and lists them in mind: sun, clouds and trees, hard ground on which he lies, four faces leaning over him. He can hear his own heartbeat. The pain in his stomach turns into a tickle and disappears completely, but hell is still raging in his head._

_How did he get here? He doesn’t remember..._

_Zuko listens. His consciousness is clear, but where is his body? Can’t feel anthing anymore. Does that mean he’s already dead?_

_“We’ll take care of you, just don’t worry.”_

_Katara says something more, but Zuko doesn’t understand the words, only voices full of concern. Now he feels helpful hands lifting him from ground, carrying somewhere and putting him very carefully on something soft. His consciousness becomes less clear, the wave of pain takes over his body again. Zuko knows that under this state, this darkness, there is a dreadful anguish, so it’s best to be calm and try not to get close to it._

_“Do you hear me, Zuko? We do everything we can.”_

_Katara says something again, but her voice sounds very far away. Someone is holding his hand and doesn’t release it for a split second. He wants to move, to say he’s fine, but he can’t. Still, he would lie if he said, he is not fine, he is like dead and his mind is locked in this motionless body, separated from everybody._

_Somebody’s shaky hands opens his green ragged tunic. The freshness gets in and makes his body even colder. It seems like everything is swaying around as if water is swinging the boat. Zuko feels emptiness. It’s like an oppressive dream. Some light finally passes through his eyes, but he still can’t see anything specific. His existence holds on the thread. He doesn’t want to lose consciousness even if he feels like it._

_“No... no...” Zuko pleads for his mercy. “Don’t touch me! Please, don’t... Every touch tortures me... I WANT TO DIE...”_

_“What are you talking about, Zuko?” Katara’s voice is filled with fear. “You won’t die, I promise.”_

_But soon everything changes as if Zuko is moved to a place where no one can see or hear him. The boy shivers and slowly opens his eyes. He wants to know where he got, wants to see it. But he can’t see anything except the light and fire whips that slowly gathers in a yellowish red vortex above. Zuko follows the mystical act, with his eyes widened in astonishment, until fire finally surrounds everything around him. After a few moments, the flaming whips merge into one big fire ball and by whirling forms some kind of a figure. Zuko recognizes a dragon in them, like a phoenix itself rising from the ashes._

_The dragon approaches him and makes a few circles around, as if trying to examine him. The Prince doesn’t move, fear freezes his body like a cold that freezes water to ice. He holds his breath when the creature suddenly finds itself in front of him. Closes his eyes and feels the heat from its nostrils breathing right in his face._

_“Zuko, you can’t die.”_

_The dragon speaks in his Uncle’s voice, and Zuko opens his eyes in amazement. He sees the yellow eyes staring at him, his nose tendrils wriggle from both sides like long thin snakes._

_“Why?” Zuko asks in such a tired voice that he doesn’t even recognize himself, as if someone else is speaking for him. “I can’t bear it anymore... Why am I still alive?”_

_“Death isn’t an answer, Zuko. Get up and fight now.”_

_He doesn’t move. The bright light spreads everywhere. He hears Katara’s voice again. “Zuko! Wake up, say something! Are you still with us?”_

_Silence..._

_Pain and light..._

_Weightless body..._

_“Don’t give up, you have something to live on, don’t let your Father win this war. I know you can.” The dragon says, slowly whirling around him. His body covered with scales teriffies Zuko, he doesn’t want to touch him to get injured, and yet so close..._

_“No, I can’t, I can’t... take it anymore... I don’t know what to do. I always thought I am on the right side, that I must to help my Father win this war, because it’s the only way to regain my honor. I did my best to please my Father and tried to bring him the Avatar, but I made other people suffer because of him. I didn’t realize it until we reached the Earth Kingdom. He lied to me all the time, that they all respect us, but they hate us. They want us dead. They want me dead...”_

_“There are wrong people on both sides. The people of the Earth Kingdom believe that everyone in the Fire Nation is evil, but because your Father leads this war, that doesn’t make you bad. You still have a chance to change everything. You can stop the war.”_

_“But how, Uncle?! How am I suppose to stop the war without Father hating me?”_

_“Think this through, Zuko. The war brings pain to every side, including the agressive inviders. Where is no right or no wrong, only destruction, only tears. The Avatar knows it, that’s why he has to stop the war and restore balance to the world. Do you really want to see both sides suffering? Do you really want the war to never end?”_

_Dragon’s face disappears. And the heart still beats. Zuko’s eyes slowly closes. But why doesn’t he get up? Something is not right. The beating slows down. Fire and dazzling light is gone now, darkness and cold fills everything around. At the same time Zuko feels something wet and cold. Someone opens his mouth._

_“What is it? What are you giving to me?” He asks to Katara. “I want to die...”_

_“No, Zuko, no...”_

_“I have to feel I’m dying. I have to know...”_

_He feels a familiar mild tingling. There is a soothing wind still blowing through the window. A pleasant warmth slides down his back, flows to his feet, on the same path which the pain went before. Zuko wants to raise his hand, but fails again. Barely hears voices. Looks like Toph is calling his name. What does she want?_

_“Zuko, I’m begging you! It’s never too late! You can still come back!”_

_At the very moment he feels that something is lifting him out of bed. But those hands doesn’t feel like human, it’s the dragon with his Uncle’s voice. He doesn’t know what to believe, he thinks he’s going insane, that the pain makes him go beyond insane. It can’t be true, there is no Uncle, no dragon... it’s just a dream._

_“No, I can’t stay. Uncle, let me go...” Zuko whispers, barely moving his lips._

_“Please.” He begs gently. “You have to live. You are strong enough to fight for yourself. For your people. For those who still love you. You have to get up.”_

_He finally opens his eyes and this time he clearly sees Uncle’s figure in front of him. His long gray hair flutters near his face like a soft silk, hands caressing his nose, cheeks and lips. He smiles and looks at his nephew with compassionate eyes. He is so close, but it seems like he can quickly disappear if Zuko closes his eyes._

_“Uncle...” He whispers._

_The Prince wakes up from stagnation and realizes he can move again. But it’s only his soul, the body is still laying, attached to the bed. No one else but Uncle knows what’s happening inside his mind. His soul doesn’t want to return to his body anymore. Zuko can’t hear any voices, he knows he won’t come back, but Uncle doesn’t want to let him go. He wants to save him, with any cost return him to life._

_Separate episodes flicker in the boy’s head. Uncle always tried to protect him. Especially now. But he never showed his appreciation. He has to do it now, to show his care and love until it’s too late. For his Uncle, for the person, who loves him the most. He tries to open his mouth, but it’s only emptiness. No reaction. Uncle’s face disappears as if fire blown out by the wind._

_“Zuko!” Aang screams, terrified, somewhere, very far away. “Hold on!”_

_Zuko is afraid he won’t rise, or maybe even worse–forever stays in this state, between life and death. Wants to scream, resist, reveal his horror and..._

_Stops breathing._

_No. Not this._

_Thoughts are as heavy as stones._

_The heart stops..._

_Blackness..._

_Memories disappear..._

_Zuko forces himself to remain calm and suppress the pain that floods his body with unbearable waves. Wants to think about anything and fall into abyss. But no, he has to get up and go. Though his head hurts terribly, he tries to call his Uncle again._

_“Please, come back! I NEED YOU!”_

_Suddenly, a spinning fire throws him back from where it all started. He sees the room in front of himself. The cold begins to convulse him when he thinks he will have to look at his helpless body. But he is bravely moving forward. Going to his bed. The cold disappears and he feels the warmth again. It’s Katara’s healing water and her gentle hands nursing his body. Zuko goes with his eyes closed as a silvery light falls on his face. He feels his resurging body and no longer sees the room. Now, he is in the darkness, only a faint strip of light flashes in front of him._

_“The light at the end of the tunnel...” The boy thinks and starts running towards it. The strip of light brightens at every second, but the end is still far away. Later, when all eternity seems to have passed, Zuko again gets surrounded by a dazzling silver light and covers his eyes. A wave of wind with an even brighter light blows in his face._

_“I’m going back...” He whispers and succumbs to embracing arms..._


	7. Iroh vs. Earthbenders

_A few days ago..._

Iroh sleeps peacefully, no one disturbs his easygoing dreams. Even when they are refugees with Zuko and the whole Fire Nation is looking for them, there seems to be no obstacle to him, he is not as paranoid as his Nephew, who sleeps with one eye open, still waiting for ‘company’. But nothing seems to worry Iroh. He doesn’t even move when Zuko gets up of his futon in the middle of the night and walks through the door to check for suspicious sound; he is a heavy sleeper.

However, a little later a loud noise outside wakes him up. Still sleepy, he rubs his eyes and turns to the other side, yawning. The first thing he sees is that Zuko isn’t here, his bed is empty. For a moment, he feels scared that his beloved Nephew decided to leave him again. The old man stands up quickly and lifts Zuko’s blanket to make sure he is gone for real, and then he notices that there are no dao swords that had previously been leaning against the wall. It sets an alarm, a deep wrinkle appears on Iroh’s forehead, and he goes silently to the front door. Is Zuko behaving paranoid again? What if he attacks innocent people?

Iroh sighs deeply and stops at the door, listening. There are sounds of clashing swords and then angry Zuko’s voice. “What are you doing?!”

He hears someone else’s voice answering, but doesn’t understand the words because it’s quieter than Zuko’s. The sound of trampling follows after. Iroh realizes they are fighting, opens the door hastily and jumps outside, preparing for defence. There are about fifteen earthbenders, all of them turns to the former General, but only two of them raise their arms forward, with their feet firmly pressing the ground.

Iroh has to be vigilant, his eyes cross the horizon in search of Zuko, he knows he has to fight them, their sharp eyes reveal hate even in the greatest darkness. He knows that Zuko is in great danger, that there is no other way but to use fire bending if he wants to save him. Most importantly, he will have to betray his own willingness not to show that he is a Firebender.

Trampling wakes him up from his thoughts, and then follows a giant boulder rising into the air and flying directly at him at lightning speed. Iroh responds quickly and raises his hand forward. Suddenly, something invisible vibrates the air. A gust of wind flutters his hair, a ball of fire strikes the boulder and splits it into thousands of pieces, which scatter in all directions and fall hard on the ground like a storm of stones. Iroh remains unharmed, his face looks more serious than ever, he slowly lowers his hand, the air stops vibrating, his grey hair falls on his shoulders again.

“Uncle! Uncle!” He can hear Zuko’s voice full of relief when he realizes he got help.

“Crush his hands!” One of the benders says in an agitated voice. “Hurry up!”

And Iroh finally sees Zuko in the midst of the earthbenders. He lies on the ground, helpless, two large boulders that are about to be thrown on him, hangs above his head. An indescribable instinct to protect him awakens inside Iroh. He plunges to the soldiers like a mighty man, a burst of fire flows from his mouth, and as he turns around, a spiral of fire surrounds his whole body like a fiery cocoon, wiping all opponents around him. However, they are not going to give up so quickly and rise almost immediately.

At that moment, a horrifying scream reaches the depths of Iroh’s heart. It feels as if something squeezes his heart, hard. He had never heard such a scream before, it seems that his heart is about to split in half, he doesn’t want anyone to hurt his beloved Nephew, never again after what his Father did to him. In part, he blames himself for Zuko having that scar, he let him go to the meeting room and did nothing but watch him humiliate himself against his Father and get half of his face burned. He still can’t forget that scream, he doesn’t want to make a mistake again, now he would do anything to go back to that day and have the power to change everything.

The old man can’t see Zuko again, because the earthbenders surround him of all sides, he only sees the fire that his Nephew spreads into the air in defense. Somebody’s screaming, probably got hit.

“Uncle, Uncle, please!” Zuko cries out with a strength that is still left in him.

Iroh throws the ball of fire at the earthbenders standing in front of him and wants to run forward, but suddenly a giant boulder hits him on the injured shoulder. The bandage immediately soaks from the blood. The solid pain, and a blow to the head knocks the man flat. Though he feels dizzy, he tries to get up, but a sword which is clearly formed from stone rises in front of his face and they all freeze in their poses.

And it starts to rain... The small droplets slowly fall on his face, gradually turning into large drops, washing away the blood that flows down and absorbs into the ground. Nobody moves and he hears anything in a rustle. His body is permeated by an even greater cold and fear. And darkness...

But no, Iroh can’t give in to darkness, he can’t lose consciousness right now. He must to get up. To help Zuko. Here and now. By risking his own life. He can’t hear his voice. Does that mean Zuko’s defeated? Injured or worse–killed? He is overwhelmed with even greater anger and frustration, but anger wins and gives him new strength to fight. Anger makes a man blind, but Iroh doesn’t care anymore, he just wants to end it all, even if he has to kill. For Zuko, he is ready for everything.

Anger grows over the pain. Iroh’s both hands grab the blade of the stone sword and turn it to the side, the heat, radiating from his hands, breaks the blade in a second and shatters it into dust. The bender retreats in fright. The former General rises to his feet. His eyes full of hatred pierces anyone who prepares to attack him.

The feeling of danger lingers in the air. The two bravest earthbenders cast large boulders from both sides, but Iroh raises his hands and the fire shatters them in the same way as before. The man slowly walks forward, still with the fire in his hands, to the way where he last saw Zuko lying, his eyes keep turning back to the benders, who no longer know how to stop him and are forced to retreat.

The rain is so heavy that his clothes immediately soak. Iroh directs his eyes to where Zuko is supposed to be, but he is not there, only a huge puddle of blood left in the place where he lay, and his dao swords, as if symbolizing his defeat. Blood boils in Iroh’s veins. He has to take revenge on the enemies for what they did. He wants to put them on the spot just thinking about it, but he obstains his desire.

_He’s not that man..._

_He’s not a monster..._

_Not anymore..._

He can’t kill for his Nephew even if he feels like it. First he needs to find and save Zuko. He is still alive. He has to be.

The lightning pierces the sky and clearly illuminates everyone’s faces. And at that moment, Iroh finally sees Zuko. He runs on a narrow footpath straight into the density of the woods, and without turning back, disappears into the darkness. What is he doing? Why does he run so far when he is so badly injured? What did the earthbenders done to him that frightened him so terribly? That he runs away, completely ignoring the pain and even leaving his Uncle all alone?

Iroh decides to leave everything behind to just help his scared poor baby, but he still needs to get rid of the benders, so, to distract their attention, he throws a barrage of fire at their side. It forms a giant firewall in front of them, and Iroh has some time to dissapear into the woods. It’s much darker there than under an open sky, but he must to find Zuko. For a while, the old man runs deeper into the woods so that the benders can’t find him quickly, his legs are constantly sinking into deep pits full of water, his shoes are soaking wet, branches smashing his sides, but it doesn’t matter to him. Zuko is much more important.

_He can’t die..._

_He’ll never leave him..._

_Never again..._

Iroh runs and calls Zuko’s name until he runs out of air and his shoulder starts to hurt terribly, then he stops to rest. Taking a deep breath, he looks around. In one place, where trees are thinned, the moon throws light on the ground. Iroh can see the trail of the blood there, that was most likely left by Zuko. He’s planning to go there, but at the same moment he hears a rustle nearby.

_Clouds slide over the moon..._

_Shadows slip by..._

_Something’s approaching..._

However, he fails to defend himself, receives a hit to his face and falls to the ground. Although it’s difficult for him, Iroh pushes his opponent away and jumps deftly to the side, but it’s too dark to see anything in the woods. He only feels a second hit that lands straight on him. With raised arms, he throws fire everyplace. Someone falls, injured. The black figure jumps on the former General and they both fall in the grass. The opponent presses his head with both hands, not allowing him to stand up. Iroh tries his best and eventually manages to break free. His head is throbbing, all muscles are tense.

When dizziness slips out of his sight, Iroh feels standing in front of the earthbenders again... and he is frightened by the silence they are trapped in. At that moment, he feels something behind his back and tries to turn around, but a sharp arrow pierces his shoulder. Iroh collapses on wet ground like a heavy bag of potatoes, with a hard thud.

“Got him.” Somebody says. The old man tries to get up, but his body gets numb and he stops moving. His consciousness darkens.

Iroh wakes up in a few hours. But no, even if his consciousness is clear, his body remains motionless. He can’t see anything, but hear some vague voices, soaring from somewhere very far away. The old man feels strong arms dragging him farther, but he is unable to resist, and his head arches terribly.

“We have complied your request, my Lord.” A much clearer voice is heard right next to him. “Shot him with paralyzing poison.”

“Take him to the dungeon. Where is Prince Zuko?”

“Forgive me, Sir, he escaped.”

Iroh recognizes–Ozai is talking to the earthbenders. He tries to resist, but his hands don’t rise.

“Never mind, without Iroh he couldn’t escape far. Find him and tell him his Uncle’s here, he will come here eventually, and then we will catch him. Don’t worry, you’ll get your reward.”

The former General feels the earthbenders arms dragging him again. Then they stop. After a minute, Iroh finds himself on a cold stone floor, his hands locked with chains to the wall, and he still can’t move. But he doesn’t care about himself. He thinks of Zuko, begs him to be all right, for him to survive. He failed to protect him, though he did everything he could.

_But sometimes it’s just never enough..._


	8. The Awakening

_Zuko sees something like an octo-squid leaning over him. His eyes are convex and azure blue. An octo-squid moves with dozens of tentacles, squirming like a ball of snakes. The tentacles begin to creep on his body; over his chest, down his legs, and around his feet. They are cold and wet like water and it disgusts him even more._

_Voices are heard somewhere far away. “What is his condition now?”_

_And a female voice responses even quieter. “Still has a fever. Hallucinating all the time.”_

_Zuko hears loud footsteps, then feels a refreshing coolness. The flame burns inside him. He tries to open his eyes, but fails. Feels the irregular beating of his heart. Hears some voices again. The octo-squid disappears. Zuko feels as someone’s fingers touch him above his wrist. Tries to open his eyes, but his eyelids are so heavy that there is no strength. Why is it so hot?_

_But again, people are talking somewhere. He tries to open his eyes again. The fire is still burning inside. Drink... how he wants to drink! He will get up now, get a drink. But why doesn’t he get up? He just wants to move, but his body feels strange, disobedient. As if not his own._

_Someone is approaching him. Isn’t the octo-squid sneaking up again? Here he is, here is the blue color of his eyes._

_“Sokka, bring him some clean water.” Whose name is it? Zuko tries to remember, but sinks into the darkness. Drifts out of there and remembers–wants to drink._

_“I think he’s waking up.”_

_And the clearer, closer, a gentle voice asks. “Zuko, do you want to drink?”_

_He tries to open his eyelids for the third time and finally succeeds. Through the narrow slits of the eyes, the first thing he sees is a burning ball above his head, but it’s surrounded by some darkness. That darkness leans towards him. The lips feel the hard edge of the glass and the refreshing moisture. The fire inside goes out, so Zuko whispers. “I’m good... now.”_

_“Can you see me?”_

_It’s that darkness standing by him. And before he falls asleep, he manages to respond. “I can... hear you.”_

_“Who could have said he would survive? And he really did.” Katara’s voice relieves._

_“Good to know.” Aang smiles._

Katara has been sitting by Zuko’s bed for a while now, waiting for his condition to change. He woke up yesterday and asked for a drink, but now he sank into a coma again as if he hadn’t woken up at all. His body is not moving, it’s still strange for her to see him completely helpless, he looks so harmless, but she is ready, she knows that he is an enemy, he can attack at any chance, without thanking her for help and care. But it doesn’t matter to her how he reacts, she’s ready for anything, even somewhere, deep down inside, she tries to believe he will thank her one way or another.

And only after two weeks his condition finally starts to change. Katara’s blue eyes doesn’t move away from Zuko for a minute when his eyelids start to twitch. She observes the changes in his face, knows he can wake up at any moment, but doesn’t know if his eyes will be able or ready to see. The day Toph brought him here, his eyes were full of dirt and obviously infected. She did everything she could to clean them, used her healing abilities, and kept his head bandaged for a while. But it doesn’t make sense to keep the bandage anymore, his eyes are clean and healed now.

Not to mention his broken bones. Although Zuko was and probably is still her enemy, Katara can’t imagine anyone who could have treated him so terribly. An enemy or not an enemy, no man on earth deserves to be tortured. Even though, a scar on his face shows that Zuko is probably already used to it and probably deserves it. Still... no one can get used to wounds or scars, how could he? After all, he is human just like everyone else.

“I wonder...” Katara mechanically, as if without understanding why, raises her hand to Zuko, directly above his face, on the side where the scar is burned. Her fingers tremble a little as she approaches, just a millimeter away from touching it...

“Try it again and I’ll cut your throat open.”

The girl’s hand suddenly withdraws, as if burned by fire. “Oh, you are awake now?”

“How does it look like to you? Octo-squid girl.”

“EXCUSE ME?!” Katara rises abruptly from the floor, her face flushes with anger. How can he do that? She helped him recover, and he allows himself to insult her like that?

“I hated it.” He speaks in a raspy voice. “When you stood in front of me with those wet things creeping on me, you looked like an octo-squid.”

“Are you still halucinating?” She puts her hands on her hips, examining him, until she finally realizes what he meant and her face tuns even redder. “It’s my water whips, I tried to heal you, idiot!”

“Well, your healing session doesn’t feel that pleasant. But what do you expect from me? I hate water, I am a man of fire.”

“A man? I can’t see any men here.” She mocks him. “Also, you can’t cut my throat open, because your hands are broken. And I took your knife, just in case if you feel better and try to attack me or my friends.”

“It’s a gift from my Uncle! Give it back, NOW!” Zuko’s face fills with rage and he jumps incredibly fast on his feet. However, his condition is still not fit to move. As soon as he rises, his vision darkens, skin becomes cold and covered with sweat. He closes his eyes tightly and gasps. His legs are shaking uncontrollably, knees twitching. The boy writhes as if some invisible weight is pulling him down, trying to prevent his body from rising off the ground.

Katara approaches him and helps him sit down, her hand finds itself on his back and holds him until the girl lays his head back on the pillow. Zuko doesn’t resist, his breathing is frequent and unstable. Katara looks at him with cautious concern and doesn’t know if she should feel sorry for him or be scared.

“You don’t need to steal my knife, I can firebend at you whenever I want when I recover.” He says when he gets better and his vision brightens.

“Are you so ungrateful that you can raise your hand against the one who heals you?”

“No. But you are not my friend.” He speaks in a cold voice. “I didn’t ask you to heal me.”

“But you didn’t want to die either, did you?”

Zuko is unsurprisingly sullen. He doesn’t even know what he wanted that night when he had to split up with his Uncle. All the images emerge in front of his eyes; how he came out of the hut when he heard a suspicious sound, then fought with the earthbender, and later was surrounded by more benders and they crushed his hands. And then nothing. As if his consciousness darkened. He doesn’t remember much about how he managed to escape the earthbenders and where his Uncle might have disappeared. Nothing, as if his memory had been erased.

Katara doesn’t know what that silence means, she doesn’t know if Zuko wants to answer, that silence scares her and sows the thought in her mind that he might... have told the truth when he begged for death in his torturous hallucinations. But at this point, she tries to believe that it was just the effects of his condition, and nothing more.

“I didn’t steal your knife, I’ll give it back when you recover.” She states and rises from the floor. “I’m going to tell my friends you are awake. Then we will figure out what to do next.”

She stands up and cleans the dust off her tunic. Zuko watches her intently and thinks about something, but she doesn’t see it, walking through the door. The Prince is left alone, surrounded by complete silence. He looks around, only now trying to figure out where they are. Musty wooden walls are around him, the room is almost empty, only a small table with a lighted candle stands next to his bed. He raises his hands in front of his face, wondering if he can bend the fire properly. His hands are neatly bandaged, probably Katara’s water was unable to heal such injuries in one day or couldn’t at all. He still clearly remembers the boulders crushing his bones, it will probably take a long time for him to fully recover, but he doesn’t want to wait. He needs to go. He doesn’t care about the Avatar now.

_He needs to find his Uncle._

As soon as Katara opens the door to the room next to Zuko’s, everyone’s eyes turn at her, only Toph sits at the table without lifting her head, clearly bored.

“I checked up on Zuko.” The Waterbender says. “He just woke up.”

“And what does it mean?” Sokka responds. “Is it time for us to run away because that ponytailed creep is going to zap us?”

“I don’t think he’s a threat to us, yet.” She explains in a quiet and tired voice. It’s already very late, black circles are under her eyes from the lack of sleep. She covers herself with her hands as if trying to hide from the cold that gets through a cracked window. It’s pitch black outside, heavy rain pouring on the porch is the only sound for a while. “He’s still very weak, couldn’t lift a mosquito-fly.”

“What did he tell you?” Aang gets up from the chair and goes to her, interested. His face looks unquiet.

“Nothing in particular. We didn’t talk much, he is too tired.”

“You’re also tired, better get some sleep for a few hours. You’re staying at his bed until midnight all the time, I’m worried about you.”

“Yeah.” Sokka agrees. “You don’t have to be the only one on watch if he decides to attack us.”

“I know, but... it’s not just that...” Katara speaks with doubt in her voice, not knowing how to explain her feelings.

“And what is it then?”

Katara is standing at the door and doesn’t know how to explain. Images appear in her mind, like the day Toph brought Zuko and she had to heal him... She felt disgust that she had to treat her enemy, and he was so helpless, and so close... she could even... murder him so they could travel much safer. She could do it secretly and just state he didn’t make it. Such a selfish thought had certainly plagued her head for like an hour while Zuko was unconscious.

_But then Zuko himself begged to end all his suffering..._

_Wanted her to end him..._

And she felt guilty, angry at herself, she didn’t want him to die, and that’s why tried her best to heal his wounds and find out who was torturing him so terribly. It wasn’t just a wound, was it? It was something more, and it probably still is. How could she have thought of such a horrible thing? How could she have wanted him to just... die? It’s not her nature, she never turns her back on those who need her help, even if it’s her enemies. He doesn’t deserve to die. No one deserves to die... She can’t murder a man just because he wants it, she has to help him get out of where he’s trapped in. Even if she still doesn’t know if it was just hallucinations. She must to find out.

“What is it, Katara?” Aang asks with concern, but she still doesn’t respond. “Hey, snap out of it.”

She shakes her head, driving her thoughts away. “Wha– what?”

“I just asked you about Zuko. Will he survive?”

“Yeah... yeah, sure. He just needs more time to recover, that’s all.”

“Spill it out, Sweetness, you are hiding something, I can tell.” Toph states, still sitting at the table in the darker corner of the room.

“Well... Maybe it sounds weird because he’s our enemy, I’m worried about Zuko more than I thought I would.” Katara admits, knowing she can’t lie because Toph knows all the time if someone is hiding the truth. Sometimes that ability annoyed the young Waterbender, she wanted to delve deeper into Zuko’s situation alone, to make sure she worried about him for a good reason.

“We are all worried.” Toph emerges from a dark corner and goes to her friends. “No matter if he attacks us or not.”

“And I think we just need some rest.” Aang yawns. “We can talk about it in the morning.”

“Yeah, good idea, Aang!” Sokka agrees, taking his bedroll and placing it on the wooden floor. “Sweet dreams, I’m coming!”

Toph’s hand reaches for the door knob. “Whatever, I’m going to watch on Zuko tonight.”

“Don’t overdo it, when you want to sleep you can wake me up.” Katara reminds.

“Sure, don’t make a fuss.” The little Earthbender leaves the room almost without a sound and walks down the hallway to Zuko’s door. But before reaching it, she realizes she doesn’t feel any existence. To make sure of her senses, she stumbles scared at the door, thinking he might have died. And when she opens it, there’s nothing in the room. It’s empty.

_Zuko is gone._


	9. Sadness and Sorrow

“OH NO, HE’S GONE!” Toph screams at the top of her lungs. Soon after, everyone gathers in the room.

“How did this happen?” Katara shakes her head in disbelieve. “How didn’t you feel him coming out?”

“I can feel vibrations harder on these stupid wooden floors!” The girl is trying to justify. “And I didn’t think I had to try, you said he is weak and can’t walk!”

“Yes, he is! But that doesn’t mean you have to let your guard down!”

“So, you blame _me_ that he’s gone?!”

“Stop, both of you!” Sokka yells. “If he is weak, he can’t go far. We can still find him.”

“It’s nobody’s fault.” Aang declares. “Toph, can you go outside and find where he is?”

“Sure thing!” Toph stomps out of the hallway, to the door, and soon finds herself in the yard. There’s a porch with a roof that protects her from the rain, but she has to come off that wood to feel the vibrations better with her Seismic Sense. As soon as her bare feet touch the muddy ground, she concentrates and stands still for a moment, as if trying to listen. Heavy rain falls on her head and clothes, and soon she is soaked through.

“He is on the other side of the house!” She screams as she turns around and runs through the dirt that splashes in all directions. Her friends who had previously stood quietly on the porch and allowed her to do her job, run after her. Soon, turning behing another corner, Toph finally stops, her unseeing eyes facing the horizon. Her friends stop at her, covering their eyes from the rain and trying to see something in front.

Katara brushes her wet strands of hair off her face and leans back. Zuko stands with his head raised to the sky, with his eyes closed, letting the rain to wash his face. He isn’t moving, probably doesn’t even hear them. Although he looks calm, Katara can tell that he is very weak, that it’s difficult for him to stand on his feet, but he still stands. “ZUKO?!” She yells, but there is more concern in her voice than anger.

He twitches, but remains standing with his head raised and his eyes closed. The girl finds the strength in herself to go closer to him. “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?!” She yells again. “You just woke up from coma! You have no idea how bad your condition is?! I was barely able to break your fever down, and you’re just standing in the rain?! Go inside!” She stops for a moment to catch her breath. “UNGRATEFUL ROOSTER-PIG!”

“Katara, I don’t think you should...” Aang intervenes.

The Waterbender looks at him for a moment, then turns her gaze back to Zuko. He stands with his head tilted toward her, this time his eyes are open, but they are looking as if through her, as if somewhere else, much farther than human eye can see. They look as if dead, empty; no pain, no joy, no emotion at all. Her body shivers from a terrible overflowing sensation. No, a dreadful one, she never felt like this before.

_I hate water, I am a man of fire..._

Katara freezes in horror, remembering. What is it? Some kind of self-torture? At that moment, her eyes slip down Zuko’s face, and lower, and lower, until it finally stops at his hands. His squeezed fists tremble like the aspen leaves, bandages are now wet and torn, blood flows through his fingers and drips to the ground. _A lot of blood_. It takes a second more for her to realize that the bandages aren’t simply torn–there is still smoke from the scorch edges left from the fire that had just been put out by the rain.

“Wait, did you try to bend fire?” Katara whispers and after a second her voice fills with anger. “Do you understand how dangerous it is?! You could have killed yourself or even worse!”

“YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING!” Zuko’s rageful voice forces her to step back. She thinks he is going to attack, vent all his anger on her, hurt her in return for healing him, but no, he restrains himself, he can’t raise his hand against the girl who’s just worried about him. He looks into her frightened eyes and just can’t do it. His head is throbbing, and aching, and spinning... And he loses consciousness as soon as his head hits the ground.

“Zuko?” He wakes up after a few minutes when he is already in the room. Katara is quickly pulling wet clothes from him. His vision is still blurry, he opens his eyes, closes them again, but he is uncomfortable when clothes slip off his body. Though he is a Prince, no one ever dresses and undresses him to bare skin. Something familiar flashes in his memory, he is disgusted that he is touched by other hands, feels dirty, dirtier than ever, but fails to do anything. And eventually he finds himself without his clothes; exposed, defensless, vulnerable...

“Aang!” Katara commands. “Light a fire and dry his clothes! Sokka, bring me towels and some new bandages, Toph, take my healing water from our room! Zuko? Good, you woke up, I need you to sit. Can you do it?”

When friends scatter in all directions to do their tasks, the Waterbender puts her hand under the boy’s back and helps him to sit. Zuko trembles terribly, she puts a fluffy blanket on his shoulders and begins to untie torn bandages from his hands. Sokka then returns to her with towels and throws one on Zuko’s head. “I still can’t believe we have to take care of... him.”

“Shut up and dry his hair, it’s not the time to talk about it.” Katara removes the last remnants of the bandages and reaches for her water pouch which Toph gives to her. Sokka rubs Zuko’s head as careful as possoble. When he stops, Katara opens her pouch, and the glowing healing water covers her hands like thick gloves. “Hold on, Zuko, it might sting a little.”

She doesn’t expect any response, but he nods. And she gives in her job. Her hands lift gently, fingers wrap around his wounded one, and begin to heal slowly. The burns are slowly fading, but she can’t heal the broken bones and she is troubled by the thought that Zuko might be careless and hurt himself again. Her eyes are focused on the work she does, but she clearly knows that Zuko is looking at her. She waits for him to show that it hurts, but he doesn’t, even though she knows well that it hurts. He twitched only once, he wanted to be strong, not to show his tears, not to show his shame. He is a Prince, how could he sink so low?

“Okay, I did everything I could, the other one.” Katara heals his other hand in the same way, wraps them both with bandages and lowers Zuko back on the pillow.

“Thank you.” He whispers softly.

Katara’s lips first open in surprise, then curl into a small smile. He will be fine. He should be.

_But not as fast as she imagined..._

Zuko spent a few days pretty much sleeping. Sometimes it seemed to her that he wasn’t always asleep, that he heard clearly what they were talking about, but she wasn’t sure. He barely spoke, only when he had to ask her to lead him to the bathroom. They sat by his bed by turns, not wanting to miss a second, so that he wouldn’t come out again. Although he didn’t seem to be planning on leaving, he was just lying motionless. Something heavy pressed on his heart. Katara not only sensed it, but knew at the same time. Once she caught him crying, but he turned away, hiding. She tried to talk to him, but it was all in vain. Zuko refused to eat, sometimes he took a spoon in his mouth, but most of the time all the food came out of his stomach. Karata fed him with herbs until he regained his appetite, but he still ate so little. He was weak, skinny, with black circles under his eyes.

The rain didn’t stop completely. In the days when the sun was shining for a short time and the ground was drying up only to get watered again later, Aang was learning earthbending with Toph, but thoughts of Zuko kept returning in his head. He didn’t know what had happened, but sensed that something very horrible. Zuko looked strong all the time, not enough, but not like the one who could fall apart after defeat. He kept trying again and again, never giving up, no matter how hard it was to track down his enemy. But now he looked completely defeated. _As if dead inside_. Aang had a hard time concentrating on his workouts, but he tried his best. Toph also seemed distracted, kept thinking about something else, and he could clearly predict what it was. Sometimes they talked about it, Aang told about Zuko as if he were a completely different person and Toph wondered how could he turn into an empty shell, how an angry Prince could have fallen so low. At sunset, after a workout, she sat on a rock, pondering alone.

Sokka tried to help them as much as he could, although he felt it wasn’t enough. While Toph was training Aang, he helped his sister around the house, hunt animals for their meals or went out into the yard to improve his boomerang skills. Making slick sweeps, the young man couldn’t forget the image in the room: Zuko lies in bed, slowly losing his desire to live, Katara speaks loving words and tries to reassure him that everything will be alright, that he will emerge from the torment in which he is trapped in. Sometimes he thought that she was trying harder than she should, he saw tears in her eyes when Zuko refused to speak, when he refused to eat her most delicious stew. If Sokka had known that everything will be alright, he would have joked that he would eat that stew for him, but the situation wasn’t so funny to make a joke. He even began to think it’s pointless to try healing Zuko’s suffering, that he was already too far from reality, but Sokka didn’t want to hurt his sister, he didn’t want her to lose hope.

_And another week passed..._

Katara now feels a little better. She sees small changes, how Zuko sometimes smiles, especially when she brings him tea (the only liquid he drinks without hesitation), when she encourages him, when helps him to wash up and does other small things for him. He still barely speaks, so in this way he expresses his gratitude. He wants to know that he is not a monster, that he has good in him. Katara now can leave him in the room alone sometimes, without any worries–he convinced he won’t run, he has nowhere else to stay.

“Something’s wrong here.” Katara says as she closes the door and walks to her friends in the hallway.

“No kidding!” Toph snarls, blowing strands of hair from her face.

“No, that’s not what I had in mind. Something happened. Something terrible made him like this. Someone hurt him, but I don’t think he’s acting like this just because of it.”

“Maybe he is grieving?”

“What do you mean?”

“Remember the last time we met him? He was with his Uncle and his Sister struck him with lightning, right? I know what I said before, I don’t even want to think about it, but maybe I was wrong and he... died?”

“That doesn’t answer the question why you found Zuko barely alive in the woods. You yourself convinced us that he couldn’t hurt himself.” Aang remembers.

“Because he didn’t.” Toph assures again. “Katara, you spend most of your time with him, maybe he told you something? Any hints?”

“I tried to ask him, but he said he remembers just a little.”

“Or he is lying. I can ask him and then we’ll know.”

“No, it’s too early.” The girl grabs her by the arm as if trying to stop her, though Toph isn’t moving at all. “I do my best to make him comfortable around us. He’s still uncomfortable, he has to decide for himself when he’s ready to talk. Be patient Toph, I’ll tell you the time.”

“Okay.” She agrees with a sigh. “But you yourself aren’t completely open with us. Last time I asked what you were hiding from us, you said it doesn’t matter _for now_. When do you think it will matter?”

Katara stays silent for a while, bitting her lower lip. She remembers the day she felt disgusted from the thought she’ll have to take care of Zuko’s wounds and wanted to kill him secretly, and then she regretted it.

“Zuko asked me to murder him. He wanted to die.” She finally says in a shaky voice. “That’s why I think there’s something more than a grief. He wanted to... he tried... and I couldn’t... but I tried to think about it... that it might be better for us if he stops chasing us... I felt guilty... I’m not a murderer, you know that, Aang? I’m so, so sorry, I was so selfish, I didn’t have to think about it!”

Her voice breaks more and more with every word, she can’t hide it any longer, her shoulders twitch, she covers her face with her hands and shakes her head, embarrassed of herself.

“Everything’s alright. You held it in for too long.” Aang gently catches her wrists and pulls her closer. “We’re all in dark places sometimes, but it doesn’t mean we can’t get out.”

He hugs her softly, and she sobs on his shoulder. It’s the warmest hug in the world. Toph and Sokka are standing speechless. They can hear raindrops falling on the roof. At first there are just a few of them and they fall slowly, then they increase and fall faster and faster...


	10. Monsters Don’t Cry

_We’re all in dark places sometimes, but it doesn’t mean we can’t get out..._

Katara sits by Zuko’s bed and thinks about the words Aang said. If it’s true, Zuko should get out of that dark place. Sooner or later. One way or another. He must to escape, he doesn’t deserve to suffer. Not like this.

The girl puts her hand on Zuko’s forehead, trying not to touch his scar, but suddenly withdraws when he opens his eyes. “Oh, I thought you were sleeping, I just wanted to check on your temperature.”

“I’m fine.” He murmurs in a stolid voice. “You shouldn’t worry about me.”

“I shouldn’t? Do you remember the day you asked me to...” But she shuts her mouth unfinished, she can’t just shove in his face everything that is on the tip of her tongue, he’s still not ready to talk about what happened that night. She doesn’t want to force him, she doesn’t want him to suffer more.

“I know you have a lot of questions, but you’re wrong if you think I’m going to tell you.”

“You do remember, don’t you?”

“Not everything. A few parts seem to have disappeared from my memory, but sometimes...” He sits up and looks at her with his still empty eyes. “Sometimes the episodes appear in my head and I don’t know if it’s real or not. All I know is that it eats me from the inside.”

Katara stays silent for a while. She is glad that he is talking to her little by little, that he is not trying to hold all his pain inside, although he says anything clear about the accident. But it’s a progress. Very slow, but still a progress. She smiles lovingly, he tries too, but his lips squeeze only a miserable, forced smile, followed by tears in his eyes, which he tries his best to hold. But this time he cries in gratitude, in gratitude that she believes in him. No one had ever believed before. He was a loser in his Father’s eyes. A banished Prince. With no home. Without fame.

Except his Uncle... He always believed that Zuko could do more than his Father or Azula. That he could do good, majestic, glorious things. And now, there is the girl next to him, the girl he chased around the world to capture her friend, and she acts as if nothing had happened. She smiles as if he is her friend. Her smile is so dear and innocent. He should be angry at her that she cares about her enemy. But he is not. He can only be angry at himself for being so blind.

With a slow movement, Zuko raises his bandaged hand, leans closer to Katara, who is still kneeling at his bed, and without hesitation puts his palm on her necklace. She gasps in amazement, she doesn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry.” He whispers softly.

“For what?” She blinks and gently pulls his hand away.

“I didn’t steal it.” The boy can’t take his eyes off the ornament. “I just found it on the deck. You probably lost it.”

“It doesn’t matter now.”

“I still used it to track the Avatar. I mean... Aang.”

“This necklace is a gift from my Mother.” Katara puts her hand on the adornment, her fingers strongly squeezes the Water Tribe symbol. “It’s very dear to me. I guess, I should return your knife, you mentioned it’s a gift from your Uncle, didn’t you?” She gets up from the floor. “I’m sorry I didn’t give it before, I was afraid you might hurt yourself, but you’re feeling a little better now, right?”

Zuko doesn’t answer, but she’s already walking to the door. He looks at her with an interested look, his eyes doesn’t look so empty and this time his lips curl into an unforced smile. But it only takes a moment, Katara comes back with a knife in her hands, brings it to Zuko and kneels to the bed again. The boy is trying to take the knife, but he is still not sure if he will be able to grip it firmly, his hands are still unhealed. But he still tries. At first hesitantly, then he grips the knife handle and lifts it to his face.

“Good! You can already use your hands.” Katara praises him like a baby who has just learned how to hold things. “But you still have to be careful.”

Zuko’s face heats up. He is ashamed that she treats him like a child, but he can’t argue with her. He holds that knife and tries to remember when he put it in his pocket, if he had known, he would have cut those earthbenders throats before they got lucky to crush his hands and hurt his Uncle. But now it’s too late, anger rises inside him, and Katara understands it from the expression on his face. “What are you thinking about?” She asks timidly.

“Thanks for returning my knife.” He slowly removes the knife from its sheath, as if to check if it’s really his knife. Something is written on the blade, but the Waterbender can’t manage to read it, the knife is quickly hidden in the sheath again and then in the pocket. “Can we go outside now?”

“You want to go outside?” Katara’s eyes grow bigger in amazement.

“Yeah, it’s not raining today. I spent inside for too long, it would be good for me to get some fresh air.” He takes off the blanket and slowly rises, but staggers a little, so Katara holds him by the waist and helps him walk.

“You know, you’d recover faster if you eat more.” She notes.

“I don’t want to.”

“Come on, Zuko, I don’t ask you much, you have to eat at least a little more.”

“Okay.” He sighs, giving up. “I’ll try.”

Katara smiles as she helps him cross the hallway. “I’ll accompany you outside, and then I’ll make you tea and bring you something to eat, okay?”

Tea... it sounds like a blessing to Zuko’s ears. By drinking tea, he always remembers his Uncle, the way he can’t start the morning without a steaming cup in his hands. Zuko initially hated to join to such a pointless ritual, instead he wanted to train or meditate. But after living at sea for three years, he had to get used to Uncle’s habits, now he even misses those tea rituals. Also, he could admit that he quite liked to sit together and just talk to Uncle. He didn’t force Zuko to join every time he drank tea, usually in the morning, but now he would do anything, everything to join him more often.

Finally, they walk out from the front door. Zuko sits down on a wooden porch and puts his feet under his nates, and Katara goes back inside. After making tea and taking the last meatballs out of the pot, she returns to Zuko. He sits with a knife in his hand, sobbing, large tears run down his cheeks. “Zuko?!”

He turns to her as if frightened, his eyes widen and he drops the knife aside.

“It’s alright, you can talk to me, I won’t tell anyone.” The girl approaches, sits down next to him and puts the tray with food down. “I know it’s hard for you. It’s your Uncle, isn’t it?”

“He is not with me...” He says in such a pitiful voice she has never heard before, his shoulders shaking. He looks like a lost child. And he still is, Katara knows perfectly well. Being in such a war-torn world, she forgot that she is a child herself, she longed for her Father’s love, she wanted to see him at any cost, feared for his life, didn’t want to lose him just as she lost her Mother. Now, while her Father is at war, she has to take care of herself and help her friends. She was never alone, it gave her more hope, but Zuko doesn’t seem to have anyone else to support him. His Father banished him from the Fire Nation and he can’t return without the Avatar, and his Sister is constantly trying to kill him. It hurt her just thinking about it. Still... it’s his family, it must hurt him even more.

“I know, Zuko, I know, but you have to be strong.” She tries to comfort him. “Remember the first time we met? You were so brave... and powerful. You were different! You were a fighter!”

“How dare you to say that?! You don’t know anything about me!” He screams unexpectedly. “Maybe I was strong, maybe I could throw fire in front of your face and PRETEND I’m PROUD when you’re scared of me, but it wasn’t me! It was never me!”

Katara sits for a minute in shock, not knowing what to say, frustrated. His voice is full of rage, but her hand slowly reaches for him. “Yes, maybe I don’t know anything about you, but I’m still trying to help. I’m still trying to make you believe.”

“I know, but I’m just a burden to you. You could just... go away from me and do your own bussiness. It’s worthless to help, you must hate me...”

“It doesn’t matter that you were our enemy. If you don’t want to befriend Aang, it’s fine, but you’re my friend. Friends don’t leave each other behind.”

“I still hate it! I hate the way you help me, because I should be grateful to you! No, I AM grateful to you! More than you could ever imagine, but not enough to pay for everything I have done to you. I’m not worthy of your help...”

“No, Zuko, you don’t understand. I don’t care what you’ve done in the past, if you’re sorry for everything, that’s all I need. I’m not a monster and I know you’re not either. Monsters don’t care about people. _Monsters don’t cry._ ”

Zuko sits without saying anything, his cheeks are wet from tears, he doesn’t look at Katara, but feels her hand landing on his shoulder, gently stroking, soothing. She is hurt that he doesn’t want to talk about his troubles more, he feels it, but he still can’t. Not now. Not at the time like this.

“Look, I’m sorry I talked about things I don’t know.” Finally, she says.

“I’m sorry too.”

“It’s fine. I don’t force you to talk if you don’t want to. But you can do it when you feel you need to.” Katara lifts a cup from the tray, draws herself closer and gives it to Zuko. Only when his palms cups the cup, she releases it. “You can eat now, Sokka loves my meatballs, I hope you will enjoy them too. But you have to eat them all, deal?”

The girl takes a bowl, puts it on her thighs and with two chopsticks catches a meatball in buttery sauce, then leads it to his mouth. Zuko rolls his eyes out of annoyance, but he can’t resist. One by one, and the meatballs gradually disappear from the bowl. Katara notices that this time he ate the food without any effort or prompting. “Do you like it?”

Zuko nods. “But your tea tastes pretty awful.”

Katara stays silent for a few seconds. “Well, at least you are honest. Aang says it’s delicious.”

“Maybe he never had a chance to drink royal tea?”

“You really like tea, don’t you?”

“It always reminds me of my Uncle. He can make the tastiest tea in the world.”

Katara wants to ask where his Uncle now, but waits for him to say something himself. They sit in silence for a while and enjoy the mountain view in front of them. The sun hangs above the horizon and illuminates the surrounding area, but it looks kind of lifeless, not warming as much as it should. It reminds Katara of Zuko’s golden eyes; the same emptiness, the same missing spark.

“MAAAN, did you see that?” Sokka comes out from the right side of the house with some animal on his shoulder. “It will probably be a horrifying storm soon! Have you seen those blackened clouds approaching us? Zuko?” He looks at him for a second. “I see, you had a good time here while I was hunting.”

“We sure did.” Katara smiles and rises from the porch floor. “And what did you hunt this time?”

“Big catch, I’d say.” Sokka drops a heavy load of meat on the ground and sits down to rest.

“Are you sure we can eat it?” Katara takes a stick and pokes the creature.

“Why not?” He raises his eyebrow. “It’s a giant meatball! It couldn’t be better!”

“I can’t recognize this animal.”

“Come on, of course you can’t, it’s the Earth Kingdom, such animals don’t live in the cold places like the Water Tribe! Also, it’s dead anyway, can you gut it out and make a good quality steak or something?”

“Sure, why not?”

“Great! You’re the best sister in the world! By the way, haven’t Toph and Aang returned from their workout yet?”

“No. They went further behind those mountains, there are more boulders to practice, Toph said they will need a lot of space because she will train Aang something _special_ today and he doesn’t want to destroy the forest.”

“Oh, okay. They’d better get back faster.” Sokka looks troubled at the sky, then his eyes slide down the horizon and he sees two figures approaching from afar. “Aang! Toph!” He waves at them.

Toph and Aang quickly reach the house. The Earthbender flops on the porch floor so hard that the wooden planks almost hop out of their places, forcing Zuko to stir.

“Will that rain ever stop?” She asks a little angrily. “It rains almost all the time after I dragged Sparky here. Does it have anything to do with him?”

“It’s a curse!” Sokka shouts, pretending he’s panicking. “We take the enemy to us, so the Spirits punish us for it!”

“Sokka, Spirits don’t do that.” Katara crosses her arms on her chest. “Besides, Zuko isn’t our enemy anymore.”

“Yeah, yet. Are you sure he won’t attack us?”

“We talked about this, you know he’s not a heartless monster.” The sister assures him. “And you know, he’s not deaf, he can hear you.”

“Yeah, chill out, I’m just joking!” He sighs and picks up an unrecognizable animal. “We have to go inside now, I’m freezing. We need to be prepared for the storm.”

Sokka goes inside, and Katara goes after him as well. Toph gets up and Aang waits another minute, then walks to the door, but stops and looks at Zuko, who is still sitting in his place. “Are you going in?”

“I’ll stay a little longer... need some fresh air. Don’t worry about me.” He smiles briefly, with no life in his eyes. The young monk’s face looks unsettling a bit, but he closes the door behind him. If Katara can leave him alone, then she knows what she’s doing and there is nothing to worry about, right?

“So, Aang, how was your workout today?” Katara asks.

“It’s amazing! I never imagined I could do so much with earthbending. I can dig tunnels now like a badger-mole! I can destroy rocky walls and also build huge walls from the ground by myself and...”

“Don’t get cocky.” Toph smirks. “You’re still a newbie.”

“Great! Just try not to scoop a hole under my feet!” Sokka interrupts.

Aang follows Katara into the kitchen. “And how is Zuko doing?”

“Are you worried I left him alone? It’s fine, he’s a little better, just needs some time for himself.” She says in a calm voice and looks in her bag for a knife to chop the food for lunch. “Still not very open though. It’s hard for him, but let him think things through. When he realizes we’re his friends, he’ll loosen up. Or he should.”

“I really hope that is exactly what will happen.”

After a short conversation, the boy leaves the kitchen, not wanting to distract her from her work. Katara finally pulls out a knife. When the meat is ready, she cuts vegetables she bought at the market in the early morning (before Toph and Aang had gone out to train so Zuko wouldn’t be left completely alone). Working around, she keeps glancing at the window. The sky gradually darkens, the clouds completely covers the sun, and large raindrops soon begin to fall. However, Zuko still doesn’t show up and she decides it’s about time to call him before he catches a cold.

Katara takes off her apron and walks down the hallway. When she opens the front door, a clear view appears in front of her eyes, a view that she will never forget. Zuko is still in a sitting position, but this time there is something wrong. His eyes are tightly closed, his head slightly raised, both hands trembling, squeezing the knife handle, and the tip of the blade pointed directly at his neck. The girl’s eyes widen in horror as she realizes. At that time, Zuko’s hands are already leaning closer to his neck.

“ZUKO, NO!” She screams. Everything happens in a second. With a wide swing, she forms a large icicle out of the water and throws it towards Zuko. It hits right into the blade and throws it out of the boy’s hands. Only a painfull scream comes out of Zuko’s mouth and he falls on the ground, hard. The icicle turns into water again and spreads out in all directions like an exploding bomb until it falls on Zuko, soaking him wet.

“Katara, what’s going on here?!” She hears Aang’s voice and soon the boy appears in the doorway. Sokka and Toph comes after him. They stand speechless, looking at Zuko. Katara is still in a fighting stance without understanding what scares them so much. With a slow motion, she turns her head to Zuko and freezes in shock. He lies on the floor, breathing heavily, his eyes wide in horror. Or maybe more... _in pain_. And Katara immediately understands. She was careless, her icicle hit the knife, but at the same time it hit Zuko’s bandaged hand too. That hand now lies helplessly as a bloody mess. The girl can’t believe what she did. So many times using water for healing, she almost forgot that water can hurt people too. _Painfully..._


	11. The Storm

“Katara?!” Aang asks again. “What happened?”

The girl stands trembling, her hands slowly goes down, she is still looking at Zuko.

“HE ATTACKED YOU?!” Sokka yells in an angry voice. “Aang said Zuko feels better, and that’s why he attacked you?! For everything you did for him?! I told you we can’t trust him!”

“Sokka, that’s not why I hurt him!” Katara holds herself together and rushes to the Prince, tears run down her cheeks.

“Then why?”

“Help me lift him up, I’ll explain it later.” The girl raises him to a sitting position. Toph can feel Zuko’s heartbeat, it’s very frequent–he’s shocked, and in pain. She feels dripping blood on the wooden floor.

“He’s bleeding.” She states and runs to Katara to help. Aang and Sokka help them manage with obstacles around them. When they reach the room, Katara quickly unrolls the mattress, lays Zuko on it and removes his wet tunic. Toph sits next to him and cups his left hand in her tiny palms, trying to calm him down.

Without any prompting, Katara pulls clean cloth out of her bag and tries to control the bleeding in Zuko’s right hand by applying direct pressure. Then she takes her pouch, cool water comes out of it and wraps around the injured area to decrease pain and reduce swelling. Zuko lies with wide eyes, which seem to look at her, but somewhere else at the same time, as if they see further than human eye can see. Just like when he was standing in the rain, only this time his eyes aren’t empty, she can see suffering in them, the agony, but she tries to hold her tears back and concentrate. The girl comforts herself that his bones haven’t come out of their places and she will not need to reset them again without any sedatives or anesthesia, she has had enough once, a second time his screams would be unbearable for her.

Sokka and Aang sit next to her without any words. Sokka is closer to Toph, who is still holding Zuko’s hand, which shakes violently between her fingers, while Aang sits in front of Katara, who can’t see him because her eyes only look at the work she’s doing. Soon she finishes, returns water back to the pouch and gently puts Zuko’s hand on a small pillow.

“So, what happened?” Sokka breaks the silence. “You hurt him and now you’re healing him again? Why? Didn’t he attack you?”

Katara takes a deep breath. “No, he didn’t. I made a mistake. I’m sorry, I’m really, really sorry.” Her voice grows sadder, and she shakes her head, trying to be strong.

“I don’t understand.” Aang puts his hand on her shoulder, supporting her. “I thought everything was... good between you two.”

“I thought the same too. He started talking to me little by little. I was patient and told him he could talk to me about anything if he needs to. I knew he wasn’t ready yet, but I wanted to let him know. When he talked about his Uncle and smiled... I thought he is getting better, but...”

Zuko is still lying with his eyes full of horror, though Katara has already relieved his pain. She gets from the floor, walks around Aang, and sits in the head of Zuko’s bed. Aang hands her a towel and she gently rubs his wet hair.

“I returned the knife to him.” Katara continues. “The one we found in his pocket. He said that knife is a gift from his Uncle. Zuko apologized for taking my necklace, so I felt guilty for taking his knife. I didn’t think of anything bad, Zuko looked way better than before. But then something changed. When I left him in the yard. When I came back, he... held that knife straight to his neck, tried to stab himself... I miscalculated and hurt him. I didn’t mean to do that, Aang, I just wanted to save him.”

“It’s my fault.” The monk whispers and lowers his head. “When you said he needs some time for himself, I didn’t go to invite him in and told others not to bother him too.”

“No, Aang, it’s not your fault at all.” Katara shakes her head again. “It’s just... I’m not as good as a healer. Good healers know how to heal fractures. Instead of healing him, I hurt him even more by re-opening his wounds. He was already very tormented, how could I let that happen?”

“No, Katara, you are doing everything you can.”

“I could have done better. I could have understood that he was smiling just because he was grateful to me, but in reality his condition is no better. I am a healer, I had to predict that things are much more complicated. Plus, we are short on money, and he needs medicine so badly... and they’re too expensive, herbs alone won’t really cure him.”

“So, all we can do is find a job!” Sokka states, smiling widely. “We just have to leave this ramshackle house and move closer to the city! There are only forests and mountains in here!”

“Yeah, like we can do that so simply now.” Toph intervenes. “There is a dangerous storm here. I mean, really dangerous one...” She sits with her unseing eyes fixed on Zuko, trying to read something out of his body. His heart now doesn’t look like a bird trapped in a cage trying to escape, but she still caresses his hand.

“And I don’t think it’s a good idea to move Zuko to another place in this state.” Katara explains.

“We can still use Appa.” Aang smiles. At that moment, Momo lands on his shoulder in agreement and lovingly snuggles up to his face.

“Still... the trip would stress him out, we can wait a few more days for Zuko’s condition to improve a bit. At least a bit. We still have enough food.”

“We waited long enough! You can see for yourself, his condition is not improving!” Sokka objects. “And our situation is really getting worse! Oh, let me guess, you think Zuko will jump out of the saddle or something?”

“Sokka, it’s not the right time to joke.” Katara says completely seriously, her eyes turn to Zuko. He is now with closed eyes, breathing heavily, but she is not sure if he is asleep. The girl still cluches the towel in her hands, her fingers uncurl and slowly brush the strands of Zuko’s hair that has visibly grown since the day he was brought in their home. After that, her hand retracts, but lands on his face again, gently massaging his forehead, until finally finds itself on his eyes, tracing timidly. And he twitches a bit. Katara barely holds herself from gasping and pulls her hand completely. She noticed before that he didn’t like when someone touches his scar, and it’s obviously for a good reason.

“I still can’t stop thinking about who hurt him so badly, and the problem is that he doesn’t talk about it.” She says. “What kind of monsters can blind a man by throwing dirt in his eyes? It’s such a wrong move.”

For a while they all sit in silence. The sky is already dark, although the day isn’t yet halfway through. As Sokka guessed, the storm is horrifying. They hear a strong wind raging outside, whirling in all directions like a vortex and getting in through a cracked window. But the storm has just begun, they have no idea what will happen next and when it will end.

“Good to know we found that cave for Appa to hide.” Aang says, caressing Momo’s neck with his index finger. Purring, lemur jumps on Zuko’s bed and sniffs his face, traveling from his forehead to his chin, then his small tongue licks his cheek. Zuko’s face changes expression to frown. Katara giggles–that expression is somewhat funny for her.

“So what is our plan?” Toph asks, finally releasing Zuko’s hand.

“First, we have to survive this storm somehow.” Katara responds.

“And then what?” Sokka spreads his arms. “We can’t miss the opportunity, when the storm stops, we’ll have to travel until another one hits.”

“I hate to agree, but Captain Boomerang is right.” The Earthbender stretches her legs on the floor. “Otherwise we’ll be stuck in this circle forever until we’re found by that crazy maniac who’s been chasing us all night, remember? Again, what’s her name?”

“Azula, Zuko’s sister.” Katara whispers with bitterness in her voice. “But I don’t think she will try to track us down in such weather conditions.”

“Why not?” Sokka protests. “She’s crazy! Who knows what that psycho has in mind? We barely got rid of her, she herself escaped from us only when Zuko and Iroh joined us, and what if they weren’t? Zuko can’t help us now, and she’s even scarier than him! I mean, he’s a soft baby now compared to her.”

“Yeah, tell him that, Snoozles, and he will definitely like it.” Toph scoffs.

A sudden crack makes them all flinch and listen.

“It’s a window. I have to cover it with something before...” Katara rises and goes towards the crack, but suddenly a strong gust of wind breaks the whole glass and the shards fly straight into her. The girl covers her eyes with her forearm, but nothing reaches her. As she raises her head and looks ahead, the shards spin in the mid air. “Thanks, Aang.” Katara smiles, realizing what happened.

The wind is constantly trying to get through exposed window, but the young Airbender controls it in his hands, trying not to cause too much chaos inside, and airbends the wind back outside. It swirls around Aang and comes out smoothly, but the gust goes all the way back in a few seconds and the boy needs to focus on sending it back again and again. Along with the wind, the rain rushes in, and Katara tries her best to contain it. Her legs spread, feet firmly pressed to the floor, arms working with water. It spins and revolves around her waist like a ribbon, then goes through the window in a similar way as the wind, except that it looks more elegant with feminine hands.

It’s like a mesmerizing dance, with two benders controlling their elements gracefully. Katara feels as if she is actually dancing and blushes a little. They lean forward, controlling wind and water from going further, then their bodies lean back and bend elements out by leaning forward again. The new wave of storm comes after and they repeat the same movements that are almost identical as they swing rhythmically back and forth. Aang now helps Katara bend the rain, controlling the wind at the same time. She has never seen anything like that before.

“This house is in a bad shape!” Sokka screams, trying to stick close to Zuko as the gusts of wind gets inside. “If it keeps going, it’ll collapse!”

“Then do something!” Toph yells, but suddenly a brilliant thought comes to her mind. “Hold on a minute, I know what to do! You watch Sparky here, I’m going outside!”

“Wait! Are you insane?!”

But she runs to the door without listening to him. Katara and Aang are too busy to talk, so they don’t ask anything. When Toph opens the door and moves her legs off the porch and her feet touch the soaked ground, she walks a few more meters away of the house and turns around. The girl knows perfectly well what she is doing and stands firmly for a while, although the wind and rain lash her face and tousle her hair. She tries to concentrate and feel the shape of the whole house so that she doesn’t make a mistake and destroy it completely by doing her job. Then her arms rise with a sudden movement, and two high rocky walls rise from the ground, covering the house like a giant tent. But it’s not over, half of the house isn’t covered yet, so she repeats the same movements again and two more walls rise up. Toph lowers her hands and smiles, satisfied with what she did, then makes a door on the wall that closes as soon as she enters the tent.

“Toph, you’re a genius!” Sokka rejoices, seeing her in the hallway.

“Thanks!” The girl blushed for a moment, then shakes her whole body and water droplets splash everywhere. “Great! I look like a wet porcupine now!”

Her hair is shaggy and like spikes spread in all directions. The girl stands for a moment with an angry face and crossed arms on her chest. Her friends laugh at her funny expresion (except Zuko, he is still lying motionless in his bed).

“Let me bend that water out of you.” Katara offers and goes to her. As she raises her arms, the water little by little leaves Toph’s clothes and gathers in the whip, which soon goes through the window.

“You know, you two did a great dance here.” Sokka says and points to Katara and Aang. “It made the room messy, but it was kinda cool! I wish I could do that too!”

“Now you wish you could do ‘the magic’?” Katara smirks.

“I know, I know, it’s called bending.” Sokka gives up. “Can you make lunch now? I’m starving!”

“Sure, Sokka, whatever you want. But I’ll check on Zuko first.” The girl goes to the bed. “Nothing hit him?”

“No, I kept him safe.”

Katara kneels and puts her hand on Zuko’s forehead, checking for his temperature again. He slightly moves his head and mumbles a word ‘Mom’ in his dreams. She doesn’t know what kind of storms are in his head now, she only knows that those storms are far worse than the one they’ve survived today.


	12. Empty Shells

_Zuko sits in a Japanese-style garden, by a huge pond in the center of the courtyard, and watches baby turtle-ducks splashing in the surface. Their mother turtle-duck keeps dipping her head in the water, lifting it up and swallowing a sip, then dipping her head in the water again. The boy likes to watch a new family, the little turtle-ducks are still yellow, recently hatched, he counted them—five, together with their mother turtle-duck._

_Everything around excites Zuko. It’s late spring now, summer is coming soon, all nature is blooming. He loves spring when nature comes alive and the garden explodes in a variety of colors. He sits on the stony edge, his feet under his nates, a light wind flutters his black hair tied in a ponytail atop his occiput. The sun shines timidly on Zuko’s back. As usual he is dressed in royal crimson-silver clothes, which indicates that he is the son of the Fire Lord Ozai and his wife Ursa._

_The mother turtle-duck shakes off the water from her feathers, and it splashes in all directions. The Prince steps away from the stony edge and lies down on the lush grass. His hands go under his head, golden eyes dart to the fluffy clouds. There is a bonsai tree on a small mound, that casts a shadow on Zuko’s face. He closes his eyes and listens. He feels like in paradise in the garden, he can hear a purling fountain nearby, which he recently fell into with Mai when Azula put an apple on her head and set it on fire._

_He has spent so much time in this garden that even with his eyes closed he can tell all the details. It has a large variety of flora, with many flowering trees as red maples, willows, sakuras, mugo pines and vibrantly colored flowers at the edges of stone-paved pathways, and lanterns that illuminate the garden at night. One of those pathways lead to a gazebo built right next to the pond on the left, and a little further the stairs lead to a tea house built where the pond narrows. Uncle used to sit in that tea house, but now he’s gone to war in Ba Sing Se. Zuko sighs deeply, he misses Uncle. Misses him very much._

_“Hello, Zuzu, what are you doing here?” Azula’s voice reaches his ears and his mood immediately darkens. “You’re just sitting in the garden, but you should be learning, you’re bad at firebending, you know?”_

_“I’ll set your head on fire, then we’ll see which on is bad!” Zuko sits up abruptly, his gentle face features now looking angry._

_Azula circles around her still seated brother, her red dress flaunting in front of his face as she stops. He turns his head gloomily into the gazebo, unwilling to look at his sister._

_“I know you told Mom I threw stones at turtle-ducklings.” She says, leaning towards him._

_“What are you talking about?”_

_“Don’t lie to me, dummy. Mom said don’t do that again, but if you don’t tell her, I’ll give you a fire-choco. I know you like them.”_

_“It’s wrong. You can’t hurt duckies.”_

_“Yes, I can. Want to see more?” She giggles, runs to the pond, carelessly grabs the baby turtle-duck and lifts him out of the water._

_Zuko sudenly jumps out of his resting place. “Stop it, Azula!”_

_“Why should I?” She raises the duck in front of her face and watches for a while as he wriggles around trying to escape, his short tiny legs move in the air as he tries to find the ground, until he finally decides to hide into the shell._

_His poignant quacking makes Zuko burst into tears. “STOP IT!” He yells shaking his head._

_The mother turtle-duck gets out of the pond and tries to bite Azula, but she just kicks her away and she falls back into the water, between her other babies. The girl’s fingers get into the shell to pull the duckling out, a treacherous smile can be seen on her face. “Come on, you little pest! I’ll still scrape you out of there!”_

_“LET HIM GO!” Zuko commands, tears running down his face. He wants to attack his sister, but refrains, because he knows he’ll lose anyway. As always. She is much better than him, smarter, of course, because she is a prodigy. And he is just a scared little boy, as Dad had told him. He can’t even defend himself, how can he defend somebody else?_

_Knowing him, Azula just smiles with her evil smile, and suddenly gasps and frowns in pain—the little turtle-duck probably bit her finger. She runs out of patience and releases fire from her fingertip inside the shell, then drops the turtle in the grass, and he quacks painfully for the last time._

_“NO!” Zuko sees the smoke rising from the shell, his eyes fill with infinite horror and he runs to the baby. When his knees with a hard thud fall on the ground, his hands gently lift the shell and what is left in it. The turtle-duck no longer moves. He will never move again. Only an empty shell will remain as a memory. Untouched and hard, unbreakable even by fire._

_“Oops, I probably overdid!” Azula giggles, covering her mouth with her hand. “Never mind! That’s what happens when you don’t listen to me. Dad is right though, the weak die, only the strong survive. Never forget that, Zuzu, it’ll save your life one day!”_

_And she just runs away, laughing. Zuko still kneels on the ground, frozen in pure terror. His eyes are large and full of pain, hands still holding the turtle-duck. It’s not fair, he doesn’t deserve to die, he didn’t do anything wrong! The boy’s shoulders tremble more and more every second, he sees nothing around him because of tears in his eyes, but still rises and runs to the Palace, cradling the baby close to his chest, screaming for his mother._

_And the turtle-duck no longer moves..._

_He will never move again..._

“Zuko?” Someone leans very close to his face. “Zuko, are you waking up?”

Before opening his eyes, he feels a light creature above. Like a butterfly. But when his eyes slowly open, he sees a pair of blue orbs in front of him. Those orbs remind him of two big lakes, but it’s just eyes. They look at his face with curiosity, as if checking if he fully understands his surroundings. Those eyes blink a couple of times, then the face retracts, but before that he manages to see a small smile.

It’s Katara, now he clearly understands. He tries to sit up, but she gently pushes him back, her hands presses his shoulders to the mattress and he sinks in again.

“Everything’s alright. No one is going to hurt you. Don’t rush yourself to stand up. Are you hungry? Maybe you want to use the bathroom?”

“What happened?” He asks in a raspy voice, his eyes wandering around the room. He sees a completely different place, not the one they were before; the room looks much nicer and tidier, freshly brewed jasmine tea and fruit smell lingers in the air.

“Your body was in shock after... an accident.” The girl speaks carefully and watches his reaction. “It shut down for three days, apparently to avoid the stress. During that time we moved closer to the city, it was too dangerous to stay there, the house was in poor shape after the storm. You didn’t feel or remember anything?”

Zuko shakes his head. “No.”

“As I guessed. Even better for you.” Katara goes to the chest, which is placed by the window, and opens the heavy lid, looking for something inside. “Now we are here. This house is in use, but the couple living here allowed us to stay for a while. Sokka found a job somewhere on the deck so we have money for your medication.” She is silent for a moment. “You better don’t move your right hand much. You can move left though. But you’ll recover much faster by taking the medicine so don’t worry.”

She speaks with her back turned to him, Zuko slowly sits up and sees her hands deftly getting in the bottom of the chest and pulling some clothes out. She places them on a cleanly waxed wooden floor, they are neatly folded, but she closes the chest, unfolds them and goes to Zuko. “Here, now that Sokka is working, we have had enough money to buy you this. It’s nothing special compared to royal clothing, but you’re wearing this ragged tunic all the time, so I thought...”

She kneels next to his bed, clutching clothes and looking at him, waiting for him to say something, but he delays for some reason, his eyes are now facing the blanket, he thinks about something and she tries to guess. Maybe he’s thinking about the day he tried to attempt a suicide? Does he regret? Or does he beg for the spirits to allow him to die?

“She used to kill baby turtle-ducks.” Suddenly he says it as a straight fact.

“Wha— who?” Katara gives him a confused look.

“Azula. She was killing turtle-ducks when she was very young. She just wanted to hurt me, but still... What do you think, could she kill me as easily as she talks about it?”

The Waterbender looks disturbed a little and tries to understand what he has in mind.

“I kept thinking she was lying. She always lies and I still fall for it. But she can _actually_ kill. That’s the difference between us. I may have chased you, but I never wanted to hurt or kill you, I just wanted to go home. But what if you’re too weak and she kills you all as soon as she has a chance?” The corners of his lips goes down so he looks like he is about to cry. “What if she kills _you_?”

Katara twitches. She was wrong, again. He doesn’t think about the day he tried to commit suicide, he’s probably trying to forget or avoid it. He worries about them now. _About her_. The girl bit her lip, not knowing what to say. She can’t allow him to avoid what is inevitable. She has to know why he wants to die so badly.

“She won’t kill me, because I’m strong. I try to fight for myself and for the people who love me.” She finally speaks. “You have to be strong too, you have to fight the pain, not to end it by dying.”

“I can’t fight. I can’t even help anyone in such a miserable state. I have no one to support me, everyone I loved is dead or missing, because I’m too weak to protect them. No matter what I do, it’s just... never enough, they all leave me, and eventually you will do that too!”

He tries to cover his face with a blanket, hiding his tears, but Katara grabs his wrist and they freeze in their poses. “No, Zuko, I’m not gonna leave you.”

“How should I know? You felt disgusted the day I showed up here, you didn’t want to heal me, but you were forced to.” Zuko pushes her hand away. “How should I know you aren’t disgusted to see me now?”

“No, I’m not disgusted at all.”

“Why? I should fight but I’m just lying here like an empty shell, because I’m tired of living like this, I’m tired of fighting. I was never good enough. I will never be. I’m not good enough for you... someone else... or even myself. I love my Uncle. I love him more than anything. I thought I’d give my life for him, but I was too weak again, and I left him in danger like a coward. And he loved me, he believed me, but now he is missing because of me. He will never love me again, because if he loved, he would have found me already. But he didn’t. Or didn’t want to. Or he’s dead. I don’t know!” He stops for a second to take a breath. “And now, tell me, Katara, how can’t you be disgusted with me?”

“Zuko...” Katara tries to control the pain that settles inside her. “You are the strongest person I have ever met. You may not believe it yourself, but I know you are strong, very, very strong, that you have a good heart, because you feel sorry for everything you have done.” She gently strokes his arm and tries to smile. “But you can’t keep the pain in you. You can’t suffer alone.”

“Yes, I can.” He says firmly.

“No, you can’t. My heart breaks when you lie all alone in the dark. Please... I’m begging you, Zuko, I want to understand you more, I want to help you get out of that suffering. I told you, it doesn’t matter that you have followed us all over the world, that you have tried to catch Aang and risked your life hundreds of times to accomplish your task, _I will never leave you_.”

“The only thing you could do to help me was kill me the day I asked you to.” He says in a quiet voice, unable to raise his eyes and look at her. “Instead, you hurt me even more. Like everyone else does.”

“I know, but it was a mistake, you wanted to kill yourself, so I hit you, but I didn’t want to hurt you, I wanted to save you. I would never kill a person, never in my life. I’m not a murderer, I already told you that, remember? No matter how hard it is, I will fight for you, we can make it together.”

“But you would have done me a favor, that wouldn’t be a murder... It wouldn’t even hurt... or it wouldn’t have hurt the way it hurts now.”

“You don’t understand, Zuko!” Katara is no longer able to control herself, she gets up from the bed, her breathing becomes frequent and she speaks whimpering, but at the same time her voice sounds angry. “I still had hope that I could heal you, I knew I could do it, but every time you push me away and close yourself in, I feel helpless! And you know why? Because of YOU! You have made me miserable, because I’m not able to heal you! And when you pull yourself lower and lower, at the same time you pull yourself down with ME, do you understand now?! If YOU die, you’ll kill ME too!”

She tries to keep her voice angry, but fails, big tears run down her cheeks. She shakes her head, covering her ears with her hands, as if trying to escape from the words Zuko had said, but his voice still echoes intrusively in her head. The girl falls back on the mattress, her fingers disappearing into her brown thick hair. She can’t take it any longer.

_She used to kill baby turtle-ducks... She liked to leave empty shells. With no souls. Without life. Now they shall rest in peace, buried in the garden by a bonsai tree... but they could move once, because they weren’t empty..._

Zuko sits in shock. He doesn’t want Katara to become that empty soulless shell. To become as miserable as he is now. With hope slowly fading away. She always cared for him, but he was too blind to realize. It’s too much for him now. He can’t help himself from crying. He wants to apologize, but the words get stuck in his throat like a lump. There is no way in the world for him to recount what he feels. He doesn’t want to see her tears, ever again. With a sudden movement, the Prince grabs her by the hand and tugs her closer, and Katara finds herself in his arms. They are both crying.

“I’m sorry.” Zuko snivels. “I wanted to suffer alone, I didn’t want you to suffer with me. I didn’t want to make you miserable. I thought it would be better. But I was wrong.”

“Will you try? Will you try not to hurt me anymore?” She asks, sobbing, grasping his shoulders with her hands and feeling his warmth all over her body. The warmth that shows that he is _still alive_ , that he is not such an empty shell.

“I promise.” He whispers, retracts slowly, looks into her big azure eyes as if unable to believe that she is real, that she exists. His hands move timidly on her cheeks, brushing her tears away. “She used to kill baby turtle-ducks. She liked to leave empty shells. But she won’t break me again.”


	13. Imprisoned

Clear steps are usually heard in a quiet underground corridor. The darkness that falls on stone floors and walls on a regular day is no longer so frightening. The legs of the two dark figures quickly move towards the goal on a cool stone floor surface.

Two people wearing black cloaks maneuver through misleading corridors without stopping. This is their territory, which they know as their five fingers. Like the owners themselves, this place is dark, gloomy, sucking out all the positive emotions and turning them into fear and disgust.

The men pause briefly in a torch-lighted place, both of them with a heavy loads on their shoulders. Fatigue and numb muscles from the weight of the loads is probably the reason for this break. Soon one of them casually waves his hand, and his partner starts monotonous walk again until the dilapidated corridor is replaced by a spacious empty room.

Unlike everything else in this building, the walls of the room are smooth. Apart from the door in front of the men, there is nothing else in the room. One of the men pulls out a big copper ring from his pocket, keys of various sizes, shapes and colors are placed on it. That this man is familiar with the keyman is obvious, because he doesn’t hesitate for a moment to select the required long steel key and walk to the dark double-door. The lock soon clicks to confirm that the door has been successfully unlocked. It’s time to go further. Both men tilt their shoulders so that heavy loads lie more comfortably on their tired muscles, and enter through the door.

There is a narrow room with a staircase leading down behind the door. The man walking next to the keyman eagerly coughs, but says nothing. This place isn’t liked even by the owners of the building themselves. By going deeper, the air eventually becomes humid and nauseous. The smell of clotted blood emanates from somewhere.

When the stairs end and the ground beneath their feet becomes smooth again, the men look around, but move on without a word. All the time none of them are talking.

_They are so close..._

The corridors on the lower floor of the underground are different. Many cells line up one after the other, leaving no doubt that this is a prison. As the black figures walk on the sturdy stone floor, cries of help and moans are heard from some of the units. Ignoring those unpleasant noises, they turn to the right and stop at one of the cells. The man with the keys moves to the door to unlock them. One by one, they throw their loads on the floor. Feeling the ground beneath, the loads move. They are people. One of the captors laugh at this miserable view. His angry laughter echoes all over the cold prison walls.

“You can die here now, nobody cares about you.” The angry laughter is replaced by a cold, callous voice. The doors are forcefully slammed and locked. When the footsteps are no longer heard and silence brakes out, the new prisoners look at each other hopelessly. A long day waiting ahead...

Like everything else in the prison, the cell is just solid stone. The rectangular room is more than enough for two prisoners. The entire prison is underground, only a dim light emanates from somewhere that illuminates the corridors. But there is no light source in the cells. Not even a glimpse behind those hard metal doors.

The figure, that was sitting quietly on the ground for a while, rises up and approaches the door to test its solidness. It’s about sixty years old man. With his thick fingers, he sweeps the surface of the door, as if looking for cracks in the metal. Several times his wrist stops as if his fingers are touching something. But find something that gives hope is impossible.

Finding nothing on the surface of the door, the man sets his right shoulder on the stone and tries to break it. Of course, it’s not enough. Without losing hope, he clings his fingers heavily to the wall crack, but all his efforts to do something are worthless, the cracks between the walls are too narrow to grab and move them.

The cell is empty. Prisoners are treated like animals, so there are no beds here. The only advantage is a separate bathroom. You can enter it by squeezing through a small gap between the wall that separates the cell from the corridor.

The man’s face reflects negative emotions, but he seems to be thinking intently. He is tormented by the strange feeling that something will happen. The heavy feeling is even strengthened by silence. And it makes him enrage.

Suddenly things turn out to be so absurd... Just a few weeks ago, Iroh and Zuko slept peacefully away from the Fire Nation walls, and suddenly everything changed when the earthbenders attacked. They were separated from each other, so the capture was particularly easy. Iroh tries to remember the details...

Zuko’s scream... It woke Iroh from a dream and he came out for help. But it went bad and he had to look for Zuko in the woods. It seemed that the pain for his beloved child will never end. As soon as they thought they will finally be able to live in peace, it got even worse. Only the moss crunched by his own feet disturbed the silence. But the search lasted short, the man was injured, tired, his senses weakened. He was close to the limit when the body begins to disobey. And then he felt something behind him...

Now he is considering how his life will end in this place. It’s practically impossible to escape alive from the clutches of the earthbenders. Now is the time to accept destiny as it is. Only torture and death could be seen in the future. There is no room for hope. He lost the sense of time. After spending so many days in the dark without any light, he lost his firebending as well. He was just like a plant that can’t rise without the sun.

After about an hour, the sounds of footsteps and the moans accompanying them are heard in the corridor. There is only one person. His boots are bind with metal, so every step causes a sharp bang that echoes in the endless prison. All the sounds disappear when the person approaches the door of Iroh’s cell. After a few moments the rattling of the keys breaks the silence. The lock clicks hard and when the door is finally opened, the prisoner faces a dark human silhouette.

“You have a visitor. Follow me.” His voice shows strong dissatisfaction. “No tricks, escape is impossible.”

Iroh doesn’t utter a word and follows the guard. What he said is true. It’s painfully confirmed by the metal constraints he places on the prisoner’s wrists. After moving him up the stairs, the guard pushes him into the other room and quickly leaves, trying not to make unnecessary sounds. An unusually warm room is occupied by three people. Two guards and a girl in armor standing between them.

Despite the hopeless situation, Iroh inspects the room. It’s his instinct to pay attention to the smallest details. His attention is first drawn to the window carved in the stone wall. A blinding darkness of the night spreads through it, the swoosh of the wind can be heard between the trees. The table is covered with scrolls and scattered pieces of paper, a massive candlestick holding three candles sits in the left corner of the table. The small flames vibrate from time to time when caught by a slight draft. The room has a large fireplace, which is the main source of lighting. A small, beautifully carved wooden cabinet, placed by the wall with a window doesn’t slip out of Iroh’s exploring gaze as well.

“Do you know who you are, Uncle?” The girl in the armor speaks with irony in her voice. “The Dragon of the West, well known General of the Fire Nation Army, the one who HAD to conquer Ba Sing Se.”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand what do you want from me.” Iroh says in a calm voice, but she knows he is well aware of what she means.

“You could have been our hero, you could have helped us expand our lands, become the rulers of the world, but you escaped with your dearest Zuzu, because you love him more than yourself. But he is weak, he can’t even fight for himself, he can’t catch a simple child and bring him to Father to regain his honor. It makes you no stronger than him. I thought you could do better than that, but he can’t do his job even with your help.” Azula slowly gets closer and leans to his face as she looks him in the eye. “Because you’re not even trying to capture the Avatar, are you?”

“Power that causes pain and struggle is not an answer, Princess Azula.” Iroh doesn’t take his gaze away from her, making it clear that he is not afraid of her at all. “But I know you will never understand, and I will not try to change your mind.”

“You think I care? Do you think I ever cared about you? You showed your weakness when you left Ba Sing Se just because your son died. I lost respect on you that very day.”

“So why are you here then, my dear Niece?”

The girl smirks and slowly walks to the table, falls into a chair, crosses her legs, and puts her hands on armrests, showing how fun it is for her to talk about what he doesn’t like. “I am here because you are on a high price, Uncle. Those earthbenders managed to catch you, but not Zuko, strange, isn’t it? How couldn’t YOU escape, but HE did?”

Iroh remains silent. The guards who stood next to the girl now are standing closer to him, waiting for orders or protecting the Princess from possible danger, even though his arms are still constrained and he has no firebending. But they all know how dangerous he can be. The Dragon of the West.

“I’m not pleased to say that, but I have no idea where he might be.” He says politely. “Our ways parted during the fight and I haven’t seen him after.”

“Don’t lie to me, Uncle!” Azula shouts all of a sudden, an angry spark shining in her golden eyes. Her palms press on the table surface as she stands up and leans forward. “I know how protective you are about Zuko, he had no chance of escaping, you’re hiding him!”

The old man again remains silent and stock-still. He thinks deeply about Azula’s plans. He could have tried to run away or fight, but it would put him in an even worse situation than it is now. And the fact that several guards are standing behind the door doesn’t give him any hope.

Only ten seconds pass, and Iroh feels like he has stood for ten hours on this cold floor in front of his Niece.

“Do you think I have come this far from the Fire Nation to just visit my beloved Uncle?” Azula mocks. “Tell me, are you hiding Zuko? Where is he?”

Iroh sighs deeply. “We have suffered a lot together and we are not doing you any harm, we are just trying to live in peace.”

“No harm?! You have become traitors to the Fire Nation, the whole world hates you, you are both disgracing our family. Do you think it’s not a crime?”

“I don’t think you understand.”

“No, I understand everything. You never cared about anyone but your precious Zuzu, but his days of hiding are numbered. No matter how you try to hide him, I’ll still find him. Do you have any idea what will happen next?”

Azula places her hand on her hip and with the other hand brushes a strand of hair from her face. A big smile appears on her face. “Of course you do. Zuzu always falls for my lies, but you always seem to think clearly. When I said Father regrets the banishment and wants you home, you didn’t believe it. You know what is waiting for your dear Zuzu when I catch him. Father will lock him in the dungeon and prevent him from seeing the daylight until he die. But little Zuzu will believe my lie again and kneel down before me. You wonder why?”

Azula aproaches him again and leans so that her face is at the same level as his. It seems like she is going to smack him in the face and he will easily fly across the room and hit the wall painfully. “Once I find him, I’ll let him know you are in the Fire Nation dungeon, and I can release you alive only if he surrenders. He will obviously try to save you, but he was always too weak to defeat me so I’ll capture him. Unfortunately, you will not be able to see it, because you will remain in the Earth Kingdom prison. Zuzu is too stupid to look for you here.”

“Or...” The girl watches his reaction for a minute. “You can tell me where little Zuzu is, then maybe I’ll talk to Father go easier on him. Or I can capture the Avatar myself and give all the honor to Zuzu so he could finally go home. And if you are very good, you will be able to return home with him. Your choice.”

“You know well what I think of your plans.” Iroh frowns. He clearly understands that she considers him as a lower creature and expects him to believe in her empty promises.

These words cause cold-blooded smile on Azula’s face. She cares about nothing but her gruesome goal, so she will do anything to make Iroh speak. One or two lives will fall, what’s the difference? It will not change her plans.

“You realize if you keep quiet Zuko’s chances of survival are very low?” The Princess says after a long pause. “But I guess you need to think. Guards, take him out.”

Soon Iroh feels strong fingers squeezing his collar and roughly dragging him out like a non-feeling doll. When they enter the familiar prison corridors, he activates all his senses, but without the hard footsteps he can’t hear anything else. He understands perfectly well that Azula is playing with him, but maybe he will manage to win some time to evaluate everything and weigh the chances of escape.

When the keyman opens the door and removes constraints from his wrists, Iroh is relentlessly pushed on the stone floor for the second time. The door slams shut as soon as the man hits the ground. Without waiting for a moment, he jumps on his feet, ignoring the pain caused by the heavy thud into the stone, and presses against the metal door to listen.

“Make sure he doesn’t get food for two days.” Azula’s voice gradually fades away. Although the keyman is answering something, Iroh can’t understand any words. Silence erupts again.

No one knows what terrible torture he will have to face when Azula tries to get from him what he doesn’t know...

_This is just beginning. The end’s beginning._


	14. Home

Zuko sits on the porch floor. His legs are bent and tucked under his buttocks, thighs pressed together, hands placed on them with palms up, fingers folded, the tips of the thumb and the middle finger touching. His back is straight, eyes closed, black raven hair barely flutters by a gentle breeze. Now he is wearing new clothes that Katara bought him, they are much more beautiful; a dark-green tunic that length reaches his ankles, yellow trimmings and elaborate swirly patterns decorated at the edges, and baggy pants and dark brown boots are visible through the tunic’s both-side splits.

But suddenly his peace and silence are clouded by a snort right next to him, followed by poking to undamaged side of his face. Zuko opens one eye and the first thing he sees is Sokka with a stick in his hands, way too close to his personal space. Seeing that he opened his eyes, the young warrior retracts.

“What are you doing here?” Zuko asks, visibly annoyed.

“What are YOU doing here?” Sokka re-asks, dropping the stick away. “You look frozen like a statue, I thought you might be dead or something, hahaha!”

“It’s called meditation.”

“Meditation? It doesn’t look like meditation. What kind of pose is... this?” He stretches his both hands, pointing at Zuko.

“Vajrasana, the simplest pose.”

Sokka sits down on the floor. “Can I try?”

“Sure. Anyone can try to meditate. Even you.”

Sokka bends his legs and puts under his buttocks, when looks at Zuko as he puts his hands correctly. The Prince sits as if he’s not here, again with his eyes closed, breathing deeply, but Sokka doesn’t do the same, he just looks at him. One minute passes, the second one, and Zuko is still silent.

“So...” Sokka starts. “Have you entered the Spirit World?”

“What?” Zuko frowns. “Why do you think so?”

“Well... every time Aang sits in a meditation pose, he reaches the Avatar State or enters the Spirit World, so I thought you were trying the same. But you’re not the Avatar and you can’t, I guess.”

“No, I can’t.”

“Then why are you meditating?”

“It helps combat depression and anxiety.”

“Oh... um, you need this... lately?” The words aren’t firm, but it’s more like a state than a question.

“Don’t mention it. My whole life is only a struggle.”

Sokka is silent for a while again, not daring to talk about what is deadly hurting him, even though he knows that one day Zuko will have to say everything to the last detail. Sokka only knows that he and his Uncle were attacked by someone and separated from each other, and that Zuko isn’t sure if his Uncle is alive.

Zuko never looks at him, probably trying to put aside all extraneous thoughts while meditating, but soon he gets up and reaches the edge of the porch, his eyes facing the distance. Sokka only sees his back. “Aren’t you going to meditate anymore?”

“I meditated long enough. Remember, I rise with the sun.” Zuko reminds and briefly tilts his head to the side. Sokka can swear he saw a genuine smile on his face for a moment, but then it was replaced by a thoughtful expression. “But now things are different. Everything has changed, even myself. I always thought I wanted things that I now realize I didn’t. All I want now is peace. I want peace in my soul, but for that to happen, the world must be in peace too. No war. I never wanted a war, I didn’t cause it, but some people don’t understand it. And because I’m from the Fire Nation, they automatically assume I’m evil and that I want the war. Sometimes I feel like I’m responsible that my ancestors started that war, even though I know it’s not my fault. You probably think the same as everyone else. Nobody cares what I feel and who I really am.”

“You kinda showed yourself how evil you are by trying to capture our friend.” Sokka shrugs. “But hey, everyone deserves a second chance.”

“Do you think I have changed enough to get a second chance?”

Sokka gets up and approaches him. “You know, I’m sorry.”

“For what?” A strong gust of wind brushes away his question. It’s barely audible and Sokka has to strain his ears to understand.

“I was kind of wrong when I said we can’t trust you and such. But now I see you’re a pretty decent guy. And you know, I was over-protective about my sister, she spends almost all the time with you, and you were our enemy. But it doesn’t matter to me now, really.”

“It’s alright. You have the right to be angry.”

“No, I don’t. Katara knew you’ve changed, but I refused to believe. I hurt her, and at the same time I hurt you. She’s right, you’ve changed, I had to understand it sooner.” Sokka sighs deeply. “I made a promise to my Father that I’ll take care of my little sister, so I do. Although, she annoys me sometimes, she is still my sister.”

“Sister...” Zuko whispers with bitterness in his voice. “I want my sister to love me the way I love her. No matter what she does, I can’t deny she’s my sister. It makes everything much harder. I don’t want to be angry with her, I don’t want to fight her, but I’m forced to.”

“I understand, but not everyone is redeemable, I guess.” Sokka cautiously, at first doubting, puts his hand on Zuko’s shoulder, his fingers press into his green garment. “We are safe now. Your sister can’t find our trace, we try to hide as much as possible after the chase. We couldn’t sleep all night because of her, so Toph made fake tracks that your sister can’t find us again. And she’s probably traveling in the opposite direction by now.” He laughs. “That’s when Toph found you in the woods, a few days later. I don’t think your sister will track us soon, we’re in a distant place, almost no one knows we’re here.”

“Maybe it’s for the best now.” Zuko admits and raises his still bandaged hands to his face. “I don’t think I could fight. Not now.”

“Does it hurt? Your hands?”

“Not as it hurt at first. It’s nothing. Don’t worry about me, I’m not worth it.” He stands silent for a minute. “What happened in the woods... what those earthbenders did to me doesn’t outweigh what happened three years ago.”

Sokka raises his eyebrows. Did he just said the earthbenders? Although it’s not much, he finally knows who attacked Zuko, and it’s still a progress. He doesn’t want to force Zuko to say more so he stays quiet, and when he looks at Zuko, he puts his hand on his face. It takes a few more moments for Sokka to realize he’s touching his scar.

“Oh...” He understands the hint, but his lips doesn’t open to say more.

“It’s alright.” Zuko whispers. “I know you have questions, I don’t know if I will ever have the strength to tell you what happened, but don’t draw your own conclusions. It’s not the way you probably think. It wasn’t an accident. And it didn’t happen because I was bad, but because I was weak.”

Sokka opens his mouth to say something, but the squeak of the front door distracts his thoughts and he turns his head to see who’s coming. Katara is standing in the doorway with a tray in her hands.

“Oh, you are here too, Sokka! Okay, I have breakfast, Zuko, do you want some? I made jasmine tea for you, I know it’s your favorite.”

“Thank you.” Zuko utters, but he doesn’t turn around at her to take the tray, his hands aren’t healed enough yet to lift heavier things. Katara puts the tray on the floor, and Sokka jumps closer, but it’s only one serving on the tray.

“Hey, where’s my part?! Didn’t I deserve food after I look after Zuko? Plus, I do it without your pressure!”

“You can go to the kitchen and pick it up yourself, you aren’t hurt like Zuko.” The girl smirks. “Also, I want you to look after him for longer, I plan to go to the market to buy fruits and vegetables. Aang and Toph went out to train earthbending again, so can you?”

“No problem! What can’t I do for my little sister? Just give me to eat and I’m good at doing everything!”

Talking, they both go inside the house. Zuko is in no hurry to eat. At first he looks at already risen sun, the rays gently warm his face, then he turns around and kneels on the floor at the tray. A little hesitantly, he raises his hands to lift the cup, but he does it with his left hand, because his right is in a worse condition after Katara hit him with water whip to save him from a suicide attempt.

Remembering this, his face reddens. He is clearly ashamed; ashamed that he was sitting with a knife gifted by his Uncle, aimed at his neck; ashamed that Katara had to see him so weak and vulnerable. Usually he didn’t show his weakness to anyone, but that time was different, he didn’t care about anything but to end his endless suffering. It poisoned his mind and soul.

But he promised to Katara that he will try to be better, not to hurt her, and after that he felt better himself. He tries to understand her. Not yet understands all her efforts though, but enough to make a progress. He doesn’t know how long it will take to finally be something else than an empty shell, he can’t deny that now he is just trying to pretend he isn’t. But it’s understandable, and Katara knows he’s trying so hard, even though he’s still suffering. She wants him to decide himself when he will be ready to tell about the accident, and from time to time she keeps reminding him that he can do it and that no one will laugh at his failures because now they are friends and friends help each other.

Zuko starts eating slowly. Food slips hard down his throat, but he still eats, not wanting to hurt Katara. He doesn’t want to torment himself even more by starving himself to death. _Wants to try for her. For those who call him friend._ Although it’s hard for him to believe they’re friends. Probably when he recovers, they will forget him just like everyone else. And eventually he will have to leave.

The boy doesn’t feel when his eyes fill with tears. They begin to fall down his cheeks, he eats and whimpers, his shoulders tremble. He was right when he said he didn’t deserve all of this. Even now he doesn’t deserve all this care and love. All this food. This warm shelter. He is from the Fire Nation, from a place that the whole world hates.

_He was bad, really, really bad..._

_He was more than a monster..._

_But not anymore..._

But is it enough? Is it enough to just say you’re not bad, cry on someone’s shoulder like an innocent baby and everything will just magically go away? The last time he cried, when he begged for mercy, kneeling in front of his Father, he was ruthlessly punished, half of his face was burned, and the painful mark remained to this day. But then he knew he had acted badly, his Father made it clear to him that he had shown his weakness to the whole country. And now he knows nothing, he doesn’t know what those people think of him, maybe they only care about him because they pity him, and later they will hurt him just like everyone else does.

_Just like everyone else does..._

He repeats this phrase so many times that it makes him believe in it more and more. He keeps too many things inside him, and unable to stay in they burst out with tears. But Zuko tries not to show his feelings as hard as he can, compressing the loudest scream that tries to break free of his throat. He tries to remember the moment when Katara whispered loving words to him, when she reassured him that everything will be alright, when she yelled at him, that if he pulls himself down into abyss, he will pull her down together. It sounded so... sincere. It seemed almost like a dream, but it was real. She said the truth, he hugged her delicate body and they both cried. He still remembers her warmth, the smell of her body, the silky dark brown hair in which he buried his nose. It was a special moment.

_There is no way it was a lie..._

_Katara can’t lie she cares about him..._

_And he can’t lie he doesn’t care about her..._

Zuko finishes eating and gets up. Katara can’t turn her back on him after what she did for him, right? And what if she does? What if she ruthlessly rips his heart out at exact the same moment he lets her in? No, he shakes his head, why should she do that? Unless it’s some trick and she wants to hurt him just like he hurt her by taking her necklace.

No, he shakes his head again.

_It sounded so sincere... There is no way it was a lie..._

Zuko takes a deep breath and steps off the porch. A gentle breeze blows to his face and dries tears on his cheeks. Today is a hot day so he takes off his tunic, puts it on the edge of the porch and walks further down the footpath.

“Hey, Zuko, where are you going?” The boy turns his head to the door and sees Sokka running towards him. “You should stay with me, Katara will kill me if something happens to you!”

Zuko smiles briefly. “I just want to take a walk. It’s been so long since I was somewhere else than my room. You can keep company if you’re afraid I’ll go too far.”

“Sure. Katara said not to lose sight of you.” Sokka annoyingly stares at his face. Zuko isn’t bothered at all so he eventually stops and they both walk slowly down the footpath.

“You know, what you said before...” Sokka starts talking. “That you were weak. I don’t think it’s true. I don’t know what happened, but I think you were very brave. It doesn’t matter if you’re strong or not, it’s important that you try. And those who don’t see your efforts and say you’re weak are wrong.” He is silent for a minute, hoping Zuko will say something. “From the beginning, I felt weakest in the group. They all can bend their elements; Katara bends water, Toph bends earth, and Aang can control all the elements. And I only have my boomerang. But it doesn’t mean I’m useless. Maybe I’m a comedian in others’ eyes, but I know who I really am. I try to help my friends, maybe I don’t always succeed, but it doesn’t mean they blame me for my failures. Because they are my friends, you know. Friends don’t leave friends in trouble. I’m sure you can be useful to our group too.”

“For our group... Do you really think I could be your friend?” Zuko raises his eyebrow. “After everything what happened? Can I just leave everything behind?”

“Of course you can! If you try and promise you will never try to capture Aang again.”

“I...” The Prince lowers his head and thinks for a long time. He still remembers Iroh’s words...

_An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind._

_If we keep punishing those we deem cruel, then we’re no better than the bad people ourselves._

These people took him to their place, despite that he was their worst enemy, can he just turn his back on them? Especially at such a difficult time when he has nowhere to go and has no one else to support him? No one who could be his... friend? No, Uncle always taught him that he has to atone for everything he did bad. And he knows he must to. Even if it means trampling his past life to the ground and laying his honor in dust.

“You know, we discussed this for a very long time when you were in a coma.” Sokka speaks again. “We have been thinking for some time to ask you if you would like to be a member of our group. It would mean friendship and help for each other. And at the same time _the family_. What do you think about it? We know you have some problems with your father and your sister doesn’t love you as much. You can have your home here, with us.”

Zuko barely smiles. Sokka already knows what he’s thinking about, he doesn’t even need to hear any words. He knows he is confused, that he is not used to such kindness. He was used to cruelty and war for so long that he forgot what it means to love and be loved. The only person who sincerely loved him was his Uncle, but he never really showed his love back. And now it’s probably too late...

“I haven’t had a home for three years.” Zuko finally whispers. “No matter where I was and what I did, I always longed home. I always missed the place where I spent my childhood and the place where my life imperceptibly turned into hell. But I know now, no matter where you are, it’s more important that you are with people who love you. And when they love you, your home can be anywhere. You’re right, my home can be here, with you.”


	15. Doubts and Trusts

_Dad’s goint to kill you. Really, he is._

Zuko remembers the night Azula just came to his room and stated some absurd fact in a creepy voice. He could’t believe when Azula offered him to find a family from the Earth Kingdom to adopt him, he thought she was trying to scare and hurt him, but now those words increasingly sound like an absolute truth in his head. His Father was constantly trying to get rid of him, giving him an impossible task to capture the Avatar, because at the time he was still frozen in the iceberg and no one knew if he would return. He didn’t show up for a hundred years, the chance to catch him was zero, no one had been able to find him before, so Ozai hoped Zuko would never find him either and would never be able to return home.

It hurts him to think about it, but he can’t pretend it’s a lie. Not anymore. He just fooled himself thinking that Father would take him back with honor. But why he needs all that honor when there is no love?

Zuko lowers himself and slowly lies down on the ground, avoiding to put injured hands first on the surface. His body sinks into the grass, full of various colourful flowers. Sokka settles right next to him, still not letting him out of his sight. They are both silent, both immersed in their own thoughts, looking at the cloudless sky.

The warm breeze rustles the grass, Zuko closes his eyes and listens, the sound soothes him pleasantly. It reminds him of his childhood when he was lying under a bonsai tree in the Palace garden or enjoying the sunlight. Then everything was so perfect, Father loved him (or at least tried), Mom was still with him, only Azula was already as unbearable as she is now. Probably she kills turtle-ducks even now, but he can’t see it anymore. But no, to kill them should be too childish and pointless, she can’t enjoy hurting him. She better kill people he cares about to leave him as an empty shell.

_Remember this, Zuko. No matter how things may seem to change, never forget who you are._

Mom disappeared for a reason. He could feel it. She wanted him to remain himself because she knew he would be left alone between two evils. She wanted him not to become like them so that he wouldn’t forget his nature, but when he tried to be good, when he tried to show that he cared about people who fought for his country, he was the one who suffered the most. After that, before knowing it himself, he slowly drifted away. He was no longer the man he was before. He wasn’t himself. And now, when he thinks about it, he hates that unruly self.

So what that Father burned his face? So what that Father hurt him? Does that mean he has to change to the person Father could love? That he has to become what he really isn’t? To become a monster? He was just trying to mislead himself, all that time. He hated the sea, he hated his task, he hated his destiny, he hated his Father.

_He was angry._

Now it’s clearly brightens up in his mind as straight facts. He had plenty of time to think about it when he lay motionless and grieved for his Uncle, though he didn’t really know what happened to him. It’s Father’s fault. He’s wrong, not Zuko. Fathers are kind. Fathers support their children. Fathers never burn their children’s faces just because they speak out of turn.

_He was only thirteen..._

Zuko’s whole body shivers like a leaf in the breeze when he suddenly feels something approach. Something very light and delicate. For some reason he doesn’t open his eyes and waits. Something light descends on the tip of his nose and for a moment he feels the urge to get up.

“Shhh... don’t scare it.” He hears Sokka whisper and restrains himself. What could it be? He slowly opens his eyes and greets a butterfly. Its white delicate wings barely flutter in the air, spread briefly, as if it’s about to fly, then clench together again. Zuko tries to refrain himself from laughing, its tiny legs tickle his nose. The butterfly moves slowly from nose to the left side of his face, on the scar. It’s the first time when something or someone than his Uncle has touched his scar, and instead of stepping back, he giggles quietly. It surprises Sokka, he had never heard Zuko laugh before. He barely saw him smile.

“See?” Sokka tries to stop himself from laughing, covering his mouth with his hand. “Even a butterfly loves your scar!”

Even a butterfly! It somehow brightens up Zuko’s mood, even though the first second after those words he wanted to get angry because it’s just so stupid! How can anyone like such a disgusting scar? And how can anyone joke about such a serious thing? Is Sokka always like that? Can he always brighten up even the darkest moods? And for some reason, Zuko feels he has to repay them all for trying to bring him back to normal life. He can’t just lie and feel sorry for himself. He must live primarily for himself, for them, and for Uncle. Or maybe he’s not even dead and he’ll be able to find him? Who knows?

The boy makes a slight puff from his mouth and butterfly rises to the sky. Zuko watches tiny flapping wings until the butterfly completely disappears into the distance. He spends some time without opening his mouth, staring at the sky and just enjoying the silence. Sokka seems to be doing the same, although it’s usually hard to make him shut up, he likes to talk a lot. Zuko tilts his head and looks at him. He lies with both hands under his head, holding the stem of the grass in his mouth, one leg bent and the other’s ankle is placed on the knee.

“You know, I was prepared to die.” Zuko starts. “I was done with the world, with my choices, with my destiny. I was tired of everything, and it was what destroyed me. But your sister seem to pull me back. I don’t know how, but it works.”

Sokka opens his eyes. “It really does.”

“I should pay her for everything. She gives me far more than my Father. She is... friendly and sincere. I always thought Father cared for me, that he knew what he was doing. That he banished me because it was my fault, but... I feel completely different when I’m with your sister. I feel I can trust her. And I was never sure if I could trust my Father. I have always respected him because he is my Father, but it’s not the same with her.”

“Katara always acts like a Mother to all of us, no wonder you feel that way.”

“No, that’s not what I had in mind, she doesn’t look like my Mother at all. What I meant was that I should feel safe with my Father, with the man I should love unconditionally because he is _so close to_ me, my Father. But all I feel is fear. He never loved me enough. Azula has always been his perfect child, and I have always been in her shadow. If he really loves me... he shouldn’t care that I’m not as perfect as Azula.” Zuko turns his gaze away from Sokka. “And Katara... she was _never that close_ to me, but I never felt scared when she was next to me. No matter I’m not a person she wants me to be, she still supports me. She doesn’t want me to suffer, she’s not looking for a chance to get rid of me. She could have done it when I was helpless, but she didn’t. And my father would.”

“Katara takes care of you because she wants to. Believe me, the war has destroyed many homes and lives, we can’t allow more people to suffer, we have seen enough and we need to stop it. That’s what normal people do. Your Father is the only one who is a monster.”

Zuko lies silent and thinks for a while. Sokka tries to guess his thoughts.

“Katara promised she’ll never leave me, but can you... convince me that she’s not... lying and I can speak my feelings for her?” The Prince asks in a doubtful voice. “You know her better. I need to know.”

“As far as I can remember, Katara helps people all the time. Even people from the Fire Nation.” The boy sits up hastily. “But why do you care so much? I already told you, you are a member of our group, none of us will leave you. You belong to our family and that’s all that matters.”

Zuko doesn’t respond. Sokka looks at him but can’t see his face, he is turned to the other side, looking at the fence surrounded by tall climbing shrubs. Those shrubs have flowers, they are already fully grown, but for some reason they are still folded, although normally all the flowers unfold in the morning, when the sun rises. That strange phenomenon catches Sokka’s attention for a moment and he wonders if Zuko is thinking the same thing.

Seriously? Sokka shakes his head. Why Zuko cares about Katara so much? Why does he need other opinions when Katara herself showed him how caring she is? What is he trying to find out?

Without thinking of anything, he lies back in the grass again and closes his eyes. They spend a very long time in silence. Zuko also lies with his eyes closed, the sun still warms his face, but soon everything is replaced by Agni Kai Arena, lighted by fire, full of unrecognizable people. Zuko falls on his knees and forearms, while looking at the floor. Someone is coming closer and closer to him.

_You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher._

Zuko pushes himself up on his knees and hands as he starts to shake. Then he looks up at Ozai, petrified, tears streaming down his face. He keeps refusing to fight. He can’t fight his Father, he just can’t. He begs for mercy, believes that Father will forgive him if he sincerely regrets what he did. He’s already so close... raising his strong hand at him. Zuko holds his breath. The hand reaches for his face and unusually gently cups his cheek. For a moment, it seems that Ozai is about to brush tears from his face, to accept his apology, then smile and hug him firmly. But his face looks as cold as ice. It scares Zuko even more, he freezes, unable to move. He knows something is coming, but he can’t look away. Ozai raises his other hand, the boy sees fire flicker in his palm, fire that he ruthlessly...

Zuko gasps and sits up abruptly. Even three years later, those horrible nightmares still visit him, nightmares that constantly remind him of that day. As if it had happened yesterday, he clearly feels that burning pain and hears his scream, and it’s hard to believe it’s his own voice. His shoulders heave evenly, he pants rapidly, tiny raindrops fall on his face. The Prince raises his head, the sky looks darkened. How long had he been asleep and why didn’t Sokka wake him up? He looks at the boy, well, of course his stupid companion fell asleep as well.

Zuko rises from the ground and leans over his face. Sokka snores quietly. “Hey, wake up, we have to go if you don’t want to get soaked!”

Sokka frowns, opens his eyes, munches as if he had eaten something, then suddenly jumps on his feet. “Oh man! Why it has to rain all the time?!”

“Hurry up!”

They both rush through the yard to the door, Zuko grabs his tunic from the porch and they close the door after. Katara is already back from the market. When they come to the living room, she turns to them with a tray in her hands.

“Oh, you’re finally here. Where have you been all the time?”

“Just nearby, until the rain hit us.” Sokka complains. “That idiot fell asleep and didn’t wake me up.”

“Hey, you’re the one who fell asleep and didn’t wake ME up!” Zuko cuts off.

Katara smiles. If Zuko can already cut off, then he feels much better. “I made tea for you, I knew you’d come back at any time. Aang and Toph are probably on their way home as well.”

Both boys sit on the wooden floor, Katara hands them cups and keeps one for herself. When Zuko puts his cup to his mouth, the girl looks at him intently and he smiles. He knows what she’s thinking about, once he complained that her tea is awful, and she wants to know if this time a tea expert will say the same thing.

“I can teach you how to make Gyokuro tea.” He says. “It’s one of the best teas in the Fire Nation, we just need Gyokuro leaves. They are very expensive, but believe me, it’s worth it.”

“You fire benders love tea very much.” Sokka notes.

“Trust me. We perform tea rituals very often and they can last up to four hours.” Zuko rolls his eyes. “We used to do them in the Fire Nation Palace. It’s a part of our culture, and Uncle couldn’t resist not attending in all the ceremonies.”

“But what’s the point of that?”

“The tea ceremony is a spiritual process, in which we remove themselves from the mundane world, seeking harmony and inner peace. It makes our bending clean and smooth.”

“We can do a tea ceremony some day if you want. Then you can teach me to do that... Gyokuro tea, or something?” Katara offers. “With snacks and everything. What do you think?”

“Okay, but it’s not a simple...”

“Yay, tea party!” Sokka rejoices, raising his arms overhead.

Zuko can’t help but smile. Although his life hasn’t been very easy lately and he doesn’t have the person he loves the most nearby, he feels safe and cared for. _And loved_. These people are trying to make him happy, and somehow, though it was very hard, they have been able to relieve his suffering. And he can finally feel like home.


	16. Is It Love?

After a few days, Katara find Zuko trying to bend fire.

“Careful there, you are still unhealed.” She warns.

“It doesn’t hurt.” He raises his fist, straightens his fingers, then curls them again.

“You still have to be careful.” She turns her back and walks to the door. “When you’re done, come change the bandages, okay? Just don’t try to overdo your training, I’ll watch you from the window.”

And she goes inside the house. Zuko looks for a second to the side where she stood before. The day looks hot, he stands shirtless, a warm breeze caresses his chest and tousles his hair, long bangs fall on his eyes. The boy walks a few steps away, so he can get the bigger flames without any risk of burning the house. He hasn’t trained for a very long time, he doesn’t want to lose his form and skills. Also, there is nothing more to do in this distant rural area.

Zuko can’t see, but Katara already watches him through the kitchen window. At first he starts with very little flames, with swift fire jabs from his fists, then he gets bolder, his fire gradually grows bigger, more menacing, as if he’s fighting an invisible opponent. After that, the Firebender firmly presses his bare feet on the ground and begins to make circular motions with both his hands. It enhances his flames even more, they swirl around like a vortex, he controls their size and continues to make circular motions.

The fire surrounds his muscular body and Katara can’t turn her eyes away. She has never seen firebending so agile and graceful, emphasizing long range movements and stances combined with speed and power. Looking at the fire, somehow she feels calm, it reminds her of waterbending in some way, and at the same time it surprises her. The girl often goes to the river and engages in her waterbending workouts to calm her mind, but she never thought that firebending can do the same effect. She always thought that fire comes from rage, but Zuko looks completely calm, no anger. And the fire in his hands looks so controlled and powerful that it hypnotizes her.

_The respectful power and serenity..._

_That merges into harmony..._

_The body that perfectly controls it altogether..._

Now Zuko spins around, his body rises from the ground and he makes whirling kicks and sweeping arm movements that create fiery rings and arches to cut through an invisible target. He again uses a circular motion with his feet to create an expanding ring in the air, his shaggy hair moves with every sweep and kick, and Katara thinks he looks... _handsome_. His golden eyes are sharp, focused only on training, as if he can’t see anything else around.

It continues for a while, with Katara staring at him without blinking or moving until he finally stops. For a minute he stands in one place catching his breath, then he wipes the sweat from his forehead and walks inside the house. Only then the girl draws away from the window and goes to the door to meet him.

“What?” He asks, seeing her in the hallway as she doesn’t even try to turn her gaze away from him. “Did I overdo it?”

“No. You did well.”

“You watched it all the time?”

“How did you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Your firebending. It was so clean and powerful.”

“I don’t know.” He shrugs his shoulders. “I just did what I always do.”

“No. It was different than always. You looked so peaceful controlling your fire. I saw only anger in your eyes before, when you were our enemy.”

“Well... Maybe you don’t know everything about firebending?” The boy looks at her for a minute. “Do you have a place where I can wash up? I have no desire to go to the river.”

“We have a well in the yard, but you can do it in the kitchen, we have enough water, we take some every morning. I mean, mostly me and Sokka.”

“I guess I can’t help you yet because you haven’t told me before.” He shrugs again. “But I wish I could. Really. It would distract me from my negative thoughts. If you need something, I’m able to do. As you can see, I’m no longer in bed, feeling sorry for myself.”

“Are you making fun of yourself now?”

He sighs deeply. “You know it’s very hard for me. I’m still thinking about my Uncle, I want to know what happened to him and where he is, even if he’s dead now...” Suddenly upset, Zuko turns his back and goes to the kitchen. “I know you said I should talk to you, but...”

Katara rushes after him. She wants to help him pour water into a large metal bowl, but he takes it from her, places the bowl on a wooden bench and pours water from the bucket himself.

“See, I can do it myself. You don’t have to help me.”

“I know. But I’m trying to be... nice.” She is embarrassed, rubbing her neck with her hand.

“Yeah. I really appreciate it, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t want to be a burden. I have been a burden for too long.” He stands for a moment with a bucket in his hands, thinking about something. “Sorry if I’m too rude, I just... I always do everything myself, I feel uncomfortable when someone helps me. I can’t get used to it so simply.”

Katara is surprised. “Did Uncle never helped you?”

“Yeah, he did, but basically I decided what to do by myself, and he accompanied me even if he disagreed with almost everyhing.” Zuko sighs. “The day... when he told me he thinks of me as his son... then things changed. Then I started looking at him with even more respect. I loved him, but I never told him that. And now when he isn’t here... I would do anything to just... see him again.”

“I’m so sorry, Zuko...”

“It’s not your fault but mine. I can’t even communicate with you properly. But I hope you understand. Every time I attach to a person... that person leaves me for some reason. It’s like a curse. You said I can trust you, and yes, I do, but... I can’t help but think that maybe somehow I’ll be forced to separate from you or something will happen to you and...”

Katara sees Zuko blush. Feeling this, he begins to untie torn bandage from his left hand. The girl looks at him and tries to understand what he wanted to say. His behavior seems strange to her. Before they got to know each other a bit more, he was very sullen and cold, but now he is sullen and somewhat unsettled, as if he’s about to say something but hesitates. She takes it very personally, and smile appears on her face.

“Do you... love me?” Suddenly she asks, feeling her burning cheeks.

“WHAT?!!” Zuko turns to the window so she can’t see his red face, his fingers dawdling the bandage, unable to remove it as agitation overwhelms him. “Why do you think so?”

“Well... the way you talk passionately about not wanting anything to happen to me and not wanting to separate with me. It’s so sweet of you.”

“It doesn’t mean I love you!” The Prince yells, but immediately holds himself together. “I mean... not the way you think. But I don’t hate you. You have saved my life and I’m very grateful to you. That’s what I mean.”

“Oh.” The girl tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear, visibly embarrassed. “I’d better do the dishes, just do what you do.”

Zuko finally overcomes the last remains of the bandage and bends over to the water. Katara starts washing dishes at the basin using her waterbending, but her eyes keep turning to Zuko. He draws water with his handfuls and washes his face, arms and chest. Katara had never thought of him in a romantic way before, but now when she is trying, she thinks his future girlfriend will be lucky to have a boyfriend like him. She can admit that he is well build and attractive. His form is now much better than it was when he was lying motionless in his bed and eating nothing.

“Hey, Katara?”

The girl flinches after hearing her name. “What?”

“Wouldn’t you mind if I made dinner today?”

“You know how to cook?” She raises her eyebrows.

“Well, I’m kinda a fugitive, I had to learn. Uncle taught me new recipes every day, I memorized some of them very clearly.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” He assures and nods. “I can make miso soup since Aang doesn’t eat meat.”

“Miso soup? What kind of food is this?”

Zuko inhales, dives his hairy head in the water, then pulls it out. Streams of water flow from his head to the wooden floor. “You Water Tribe people have probably never eaten such food?” He guesses. “It’s a traditional Fire Nation soup. Haven’t you tried anything from the Fire Nation?”

“I guess we spent too little time in your homeland.” Katara caresses her braid, not even realizing what makes her so nervous. “Here, take a towel.”

With a sudden move, she grabs the towel from the counter and hands it to him. Zuko takes it and starts wiping his head. Katara vividly turns around to continue washing the dishes but hears the silent ‘ouch’ and turns to him again.

“It’s nothing.” He says quickly. “You know... my hands aren’t completely healed yet.”

“Let me dry you.” The girl goes to him with firm steps, her hands instantly find themselves on the rim of the towel and she starts to wipe his hair with rough movements. Katara knows he hates it, but she doesn’t care.

“Hey, hold on a minute!” He grumbles, obviously unhappy.

“What is it? Can’t bear a little roughness?” She smirks.

“You want to rip my hair off or what?!”

Katara just smiles and looks at him from under the towel. He looks grumpy, but then their eyes meet and he flinches, his mouth opens in surprise. She can feel his whole body tense, but she can’t take her eyes away from him, her heart is pounding so hard in her chest. She draws her hands to his firm shoulders, very slowly, her whole body leans so close to him that she feels his frequent breathing, and she finally closes her eyes...

“HELLO THERE, WOOERS!!!” The door opens with the loudest bang as Toph storms into the kitchen. Her feet hits the floor so hard that it causes a menacing quake. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”

Katara screaming pulls away from Zuko, but slips and falls flat on wet wooden floor. “What are YOU doing here?” She manages to ask, though her bum hurts. “You suppose to train Aang!”

Toph smirks and blows a strand of her hair from her face. “Yeah, I should. But I find out something interesting. The Earth Kingdom soldiers are looking for someone called the Blue Spirit!”

“So what? What does this have to do with us?” Katara gets up and uses her waterbending to dry the floor, and puts the water back in the metal bowl where Zuko washed himself up.

“Sure, it does have!” She laughs out loud, but teasingly delays to tell the details. “You can’t even imagine how it relates to us!”

“What do you mean?” Katara frowns, placing her hands on her hips.

“Over here!” The girl stretches both hands, pointing clearly at Zuko as if he is the best item on the sale, the widest possible smile is shining on her face. “IT’S HIM!!!”

“You are kidding!”

“NO, SPARKY’S THE BLUE SPIRIT.” She spills, still laughing crazily. “He’s the Fire Nation traitor, the one who saved Twinkletoes from this Zhao guy!”

“Zuko? You misunderstood something. Zuko can’t be some kind of spirit.” Katara objects. “And how did you find out all of this?”

“Twinkletoes! He told me everything! Isn’t that awesome? He found a poster on and I felt something isn’t right. You know, I’m a lie detector, you won’t hide anything from me, he had to tell me!”

“Is it true?” The Waterbender turns her gaze to silent Zuko.

“Well... yes, it’s true.” He nods, still with towel on his head.

“Then why didn’t you tell us?” She asks in a soft voice. “And most importantly, why did Aang never revealed to us that you are his savior?”

“Because it’s not as cool as you think it is.” He mutters. “I saved him from Zhao’s Stronghold just so I could take him to my Father myself, and Aang knows that.” His hands helplessly falls down. “I’m sorry, okay? I was still your enemy!”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about!” Toph giggles. “You still saved him! I knew from the beginning that you weren’t bad, but no one believed me, and now everyone can clearly see that I was right. A blind girl can see much more than you guys, isn’t that funny?”

“Okay, okay, we get it.” Katara rolls her eyes. “But it doesn’t explain why Zuko is wanted by the Earth Kingdom soldiers. Shouldn’t the Fire Nation look for him?”

“Good point.” Toph scratches her chin, thinking.

“Well... I kinda robbed a few people when Uncle and I became fugitives.” Zuko smiles innocently. “But we were starving, I had to do something.”

“Well, at least we’re safe, nobody knows you’re the Blue Spirit.” Toph states.

“Nobody but Zhao.” Zuko corrects. “But he refused my help and now he’s dead.”

His voice is cold and strong, but Katara knows that the sense of guilt lies behind that strength. “I’m sure you did everything you could.” She says.

“Yeah, I know.” He whispers and drops the towel on the counter. “I’d better go put new bandages.” And quickly comes out of the kitchen.

“Leave it to me, Toph.” Katara rushes after him, and when she enters the room, she sees him delving into the chest next to the window. She can’t see his face, but feel the sadness emanating from him. He hears her approaching, but doesn’t turn to look at her.

“Zuko, let me help you.” She offers.

“Yeah, sure.” Zuko puts a roll of bandage on the floor and sits down next to it. “How long will I have to wear this?”

“Until your hands are completely healed.” The girl sits in front of him, her left leg presses to his right leg. “I can do a healing session for you if you want, although it won’t help much, I’ve already done what I could, everything else has to heal naturally. Don’t worry, you heal unusually fast, it will be fine.”

“Thank you. It wasn’t that bad, I can handle much more.”

Katara unwraps the bandage and starts taking care of his hands. Zuko waits patiently for her to finish. Although she is focused on her job, she clearly feels some tension between them. Zuko is on the verge of saying something, but something makes him nervous and he doesn’t dare to look at her.

“Do you want to talk about what happened in the North Pole?” She asks, trying to break the silence.

“There is nothing to talk about.” Zuko sighs. “I tried to save Zhao when that huge Koi Fish grabbed him, but he refused to take my hand, and then I was forced to watch that creature drown him.”

“But you got upset so quickly, I thought you might want to talk about it.”

“Zhao was never my friend.” He sputters, still not looking at her. “We were always rivals when it came to the Avatar, but I never wished him dead. I’m not the one of those scumbags who are proud of killing. I have never killed anyone, and I very much hope I’ll never be forced to.”

“I know who you are, Zuko.” Katara blushes, stops bandaging his hand and raises her eyes to him. “I know you’re a different person. You showed this so many times, I don’t need any proof anymore.”

Zuko doesn’t answer, she can’t see his eyes as he sits with his head lowered and his face covered with long bangs. And for some reason it makes her so uncomfortable. He is shy, especially around her. Before she got to know about Zuko, she only saw an angry uncontrollable teenager following them all over the world and throwing an even angrier fire at them. Oh Spirits, how wrong she was!

This different side of him fascinates Katara, she can’t stop thinking about it. Her hand travels from his wrist to his elbow, but stops halfway. The girl herself doesn’t understand what she’s doing, she feels dizzy, and when Zuko grabs her by the wrist, she gasps. For a moment, she thinks she has crossed the line, but the Prince doesn’t let her hand off his grip and finally raises his head. Their eyes lock, hers azure blue, and his rich gold. He looks nervous, Katara can feel his tense body, like back then in the kitchen. He is still shirtless. Her heart is pounding. What is he thinking about? _Is he in love? And is she?_ And what should she do now?

Zuko makes the first move and tugs her. She pushes her legs closer to him, thus gracefully pushing her entire lower body, her one hand presses to the floor and the other finds itself on Zuko’s jaw. His nose gently rubs her cheek as they both close their eyes.

_And she can swear she can feel his soft lips kissing her..._


	17. One of Us

Katara stands in the doorway and watches Zuko working in the kitchen. He makes dinner for them, she sees him heating a large pot of water and putting kombu in. Until the mixture just begins to simmer, he takes them out with wooden chopsticks and puts bonito flakes in the same water. Until they boil on low heat, he slices scallions into small pieces, and tofu into big chunks.

The girl wants to learn the recipe first, but finds herself more enjoying Zuko’s light and confident movements. He knows what he is doing. And she understands that he wants to prove he’s not just a burden, that he can do something useful.

“Oh, you are here.” Katara hears his voice and flinches. “Wanna learn? You can watch me, it’s okay.”

“Yeah...” She rubs the back of her neck and walks closer to him. “I guess I can learn.”

“You can do dashi in many different ways, with dried shiitake mushrooms or anchovies, but we don’t have them in the pantry, so we are good with konbu and bonito flakes now.” He says. “Don’t worry, they aren’t made from real tuna, Aang can still eat them.”

“Can I help you with something?”

“Nahhh... I’m pretty much done.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Really?”

“Yeah, I told you it’s easy, we just need to wait for flavours to soak in.”

They stand in front of each other for a while in silence, confused, not knowing what to say. Zuko is leaning against the counter, his arms crossed on his chest, and he is staring at the window; Katara’s arms clasped behind her back, she is swinging back and forth, her eyes wandering around the kitchen, avoiding Zuko. She thinks about their kiss, but she doesn’t dare to talk about it. It was so passionate and real. She had never felt such a special intimacy before, even when Aang recently kissed her in the Cave of Two Lovers. She wants to know if it means anything to him, or Zuko has kissed her because he loves her, or out of gratitude. But it can’t just be gratitude, right?

After ten minutes, Zuko removes the pot from the heat, pulls all bonito flakes out with a strainer and places them in a separate bowl. “We only need the dashi, not what we made it from.” He says. “We won’t put it in the miso soup.”

Katara nods. Zuko puts miso paste into the sieve, dips it in the dashi and stirs with a wooden spoon until miso dissolves. “Add soy sauce and stir.” He points. “Then you can drop tofu, wakame and scallions.”

The girl watches as he does said things, his fingers moving cleverly, as if he had made this soup many times. He then puts the pot on the fire again. “Boil a little more. Just a minute, no more.” He smiles. “See, it’s very easy, right?”

“No wonder you memorized the recipe.” She grins.

“Wanna taste? I still don’t know if I managed to get the needed flavour.”

“Well... if you want, I can try.” The girl shrugs.

Zuko turns off the stove, takes a bowl and adds a little soup in. When he puts a spoon into the soup, Katara wants to take a bowl from him, but he squeezes the edges firmly. “Wait, it’s too hot. Want me to cool it off for you?”

“I can do it myself.” She objects and blushes when her fingers touch his fingers. “You don’t have to pamper me.”

“You pampered me before. Remember, when I couldn’t use my hands? Why can’t I pamper you now?”

He looks at her with such an innocent look that Katara wants to giggle but restrains herself. “Well, okay, but just a little bit. And just because I’m in a good mood today.”

The girl stares intently as Zuko lifts a spoonful of soup to his lips and blows to reduce the heat, then leads that spoon to her lips. She grips Zuko’s wrist with both hands and shoves the spoon in her mouth herself.

“Well? How does it taste like?” He asks when she releases the spoon.

“It tastes... salty.” Katara hesitates, trying to understand the flavour. “And... fishy?”

“What?!” Zuko flinches. “What do you mean, fishy?”

“I mean, it has tuna in it, right?”

“Oh...” Zuko rubs the back of his neck, blushing. “Of course it has.”

“Awww, you are so naïve sometimes. Don’t worry, it tastes really good.” Katara smiles and rumples his hair. “How could you be so angry in the past and chase us around the world? I can’t imagine you doing it now.”

“Maybe because I was forced to?” He frowns, but his facial expression quickly changes to neutral. “Can you cook some rice for me? I always overcook them.”

“And you’re telling me just now?”

“Well... I was wondering what to do with bonito flakes, and they perfectly fit with rice and soy sauce.” He explains. “Can you do that?”

“You can count on me, I never go wrong with food.”

“I’ll cover the soup so it doesn’t cool down, and I’m going to set the table, okay?”

Zuko puts the lid on the pot and leaves. Katara is left alone to work in the kitchen. While the rice is boiling, she stands by the window and thinks about their kiss. _They kissed!_ But now they act as if nothing had happened, as if that kiss didn’t even exist. As if it meant nothing. But Katara can’t stop thinking about it, touching her lips. She clearly remembers his closeness, his uneven breathing, his stiff muscles, which she touched timidly with her fingers. She still can feel his gentle lips pressing against hers. His excitation and embarrassment when he realized what he was doing and suddenly withdrew from her, apologizing.

Katara’s heart pounds in her chest with excitement. She wants to experience the same feeling. She wants to kiss him again, feel his lips, press his muscular body against her own. But what about Zuko? Does he think the same? Is it as important to him as it is to her? Does he want to kiss her again too? Does he want to smell her body, feel her closeness?

The girl shakes her head, trying to get back to reality. Why is she thinking about it? And what about Aang? He is definitely in love with her! She always thought she loved him too, but what she experienced with Zuko was something different. _Something special_. Something heavenly fanciful what she can’t put into words. She never felt such a desire to touch someone, and desire to give in someone’s touch. As if something flipped in her stomach. Is it love? Or just a glamor?

Katara decides to concentrate only on the dinner now. When rice finally boil, she puts them in separate bowls and prepares them the way Zuko told her, then she puts the bowls on a tray and carries them to the dining room. Her footsteps on the tatami carpet are barely audible. She liked this place from day one. It looks very luxurious, but at the same time somehow simple, perfect for their stay.

“I’ll make some tea.” Zuko says, fluffing the last cushion on the floor. “You can pour soup and invite your friends.”

Katara watches him walk away and finds herself enjoying his light movements, again. Even if his legs are completely invisible through his ankle-length tunic, she stops breathing for a moment, watching his feet press firmly on the carpet. Finally, he can at least walk normally after he regained his shape, she doesn’t have to help him all the time or accompany him to the bathroom. Even though she would do anything to be next to him now, she doesn’t want him to be as helpless as he was before. She is glad he wants to help.

When Zuko enters the dining room five minutes later, everyone is already gathered at the table.

“Someone told me Zuko prepared dinner for us today!” Sokka states, looking intently at the soup in front of him. “What?! Not meat?! Where’s my meat? It’s just tofu!”

“Sokka, you didn’t even tasted!” Katara frowns and for a moment her gaze turns to Zuko. He puts the last cup of tea on the table and quietly retreats. And only now the girl realizes this zataku table is perfect for four people, Zuko has prepared a table for _them_ , but has no room for _himself_. She never paid attention before, she and Zuko usually had dinner earlier than the others because Sokka was working and Toph and Aang were training. Today, however, they are all in the dining room at the same time. Besides, Zuko ate for a long time apart from everyone because his condition wasn’t so good, Katara had to feed him.

_It’s the first time he eats with all of them..._

_With his new family..._

_And he already feels like he failed... again... even if it’s not his fault._

“It’s alright, I can sit farther, no big deal.” He says as if he guessed her thoughts. He tries to smile, but she feels something has made him really upset.

“Come on, Zuko, we can compress.” She urges. “You can fit.”

“No, you don’t have to.”

“I think he’s just uncomfortable.” Toph intervenes. “Let him get used to it by himself, we can’t force him, he just needs some time.”

“You think it’s a good idea?”

“Don’t talk about him when he can clearly hear you, you’re making him more uncomfortable.”

“And so do you!”

Smiling, Zuko lowers himself on a cushion near the wall and puts a tray with food on his lap. He watches carefully as Aang puts a spoonful of soup to his mouth and tastes it. “Wow, that’s amazing!” He rejoices. “I used to eat miso soup a hundred years ago when I visited my best friend Kuzon, his mother knew how to make it very tasty. This one tastes almost the same!”

Zuko feels pleased and continues smiling, but there is still some sadness radiating from him. They all talk and laugh, and he just sits for a while without uttering a word, but soon finds himself enjoying their company. Even if he doesn’t sit at the table with everyone, they haven’t forgotten that he exists. They start talking to him little by little, asking questions and laughing. _Laughing with him_. Zuko also tries to make a joke, but just makes himself uncomfortable.

He doesn’t remember the exact day he sat with friends and laughed, it was probably the last music night when he still had his crew. Most of the time, the Prince skipped those music nights, trying to concentrate only on the Avatar searches, meditation and training or sitting grumpy and doing practically nothing. But sometimes he wanted to detach himself from the world and spend those nights playing the tsungi horn, even if it felt embarrassing to him. But then he didn’t care, he enjoyed the nights with his crew, _with his friends_ , and watched their nimble legs scamper on the ground, creating an unusual fiery dance. He himself never danced, dancing is forbidden in the Fire Nation. He didn’t know how to do it himself, but he liked to watch others dance.

As the morning approached, weather always cooled down, but the heat of the bonfire never faded, he liked to watch the flames rise to the night sky along with the smoke. When Zuko was only thirteen and it was his first music night, he didn’t stay up all the night and fell asleep. He felt his Uncle’s strong arms lift him off the ground and carry him back to the ship, lay on the bed and cover him with a warm blanket. Then he sank back into a deep sleep and woke up when it was already daylight.

They spend the rest of the day doing pretty much nothing. Toph annoys Sokka, Katara tidies up the kitchen, and Aang, separated from their noise, decides to meditate on the porch. Zuko quietly joins him. Although they are different, at the same time so many things connect them. Meditation is very important for both of them to control their thoughts and emotions, only Aang does it much better than Zuko. Of course, he’s a monk, it’s in his blood, and Zuko has always been very emotional.

“Thanks for the dinner.” Aang says, feeling Zuko’s presence.

“You’re welcome... I guess?”

“I know it’s hard for you to get used to being our friend, but believe me, you’re one of us now, you don’t have to be so shy about it.”

“I know, but it’s just so weird.” Zuko says, feeling his face growing hot. “I used to chase you around and now... I’m here with you. After everything I’ve done... How could you let this happen?”

“I always looked at you as a different person. You could have burned the whole village when we first met, but you didn’t when I agreed to go with you. After that, you had a lot of chances to kill me or my friends, but you still didn’t. I know you needed me alive, but you could just get rid of my friends to accomplish your goal.” Aang looks straight at Zuko and smiles gently. “And then, the day you came to save me from Zhao as the Blue Spirit. The first thing I thought when I saw it was you, that you had changed, that you wanted to help me as a friend. _For the first time I felt the need to be your friend._ And then I learned you freed me because you wanted to catch me yourself. But it didn’t change my first impression. Even when you were my enemy, I respected you because you saved my life.”

“Yeah... it was the selfish reason why I helped you, but thanks. You saved me too, after all.”

“Monks have always told me that everything happens for a reason and that _bad people are just good people living in a bad world_. I know that the Fire Nation isn’t that good, but I don’t try to think of every person as bad just because the Fire Nation started a war. There are good people in your country too, one of them helped me get to Avatar Roku.”

“Yes, I already know that.” Zuko nods. “I was there, remember? I tried to divert Zhao’s attention so that he wouldn’t find us, but he still did.”

The monk is thinking what to say. “There are bad people in other countries as well.” He starts. “Water Tribe people are sexists and don’t allow women to fight. Katara hardly convinced Master Pakku that she could fight. Even Sokka was sexist for a while. The Earth Kingdom soldiers are very cruel, abusing their power to rob poor people. And at the same time, they hate the Fire Nation the most.”

“They use the Fire Nation soldiers on the front line unarmed.” Zuko adds. “They all just die.”

“Really?” Aang’s eyebrows rise out of surprise. “It’s so cruel.”

“Yeah, I hear you. They kidnapped this little boy saying he was old enough for the army. But they just wanted to hurt a family that had already lost one son in the war. I was there to protect the boy, but when he found out I’m the Fire Prince, he rejected me. It doesn’t matter that I helped him, it matters who I am.”

“It’s just wrong. I know I have to stop this, but it’s not very easy. I just have to win this war, but I can’t do it now. I have to master all the elements first, and maybe if you help...”

Aang shuts his mouth without finishing the sentence. Zuko understands the hint perfectly, but he’s not sure if it’s a good idea, he’s not the best firebender in the world, his sister is much better, she’s a prodigy, but there’s no way she can teach Aang firebending, and his Uncle... maybe if he’s alive...

They both sit in silence for a while and watch the sundown. Zuko feels his inner fire slowly fading together. It’s not a pleasant feeling, it happens every time, but he can’t get used to it in any way because he wants to be strong. _He has to be strong._

“And what about the Air Nomads?” Suddenly Zuko asks. “What is bad about the airbenders? I never met any of them, they were wiped out long before I was born.”

“Well... we were just peaceful.” Aang smiles innocently. “We were pacifists and we believed that all people have good in them. It made us weaker because we avoided killing while fighting, and it made all the fights more difficult. But it’s just a weakness, I guess.”

“Are you trying to say your homeland is the best?” Zuko frowns.

“No, of course not. I don’t think all the monks were peaceful. Some of them strayed out of their way, but maybe I just didn’t see it. There was no war a hundred years ago, I was an innocent child and I saw only good things in all the countries. And now when I can see bad things, I can’t see them in my own country because mine just doesn’t exist.”

“Oh, I guess that makes sense.” The boy shrugs. “Do you want to continue meditating or what now?”

“Of course I want to. Together with you. You’re _one of us_ now, remember?”


	18. Ghosts of the Past

_Bad people are just good people living in a bad world..._

Zuko sits on the porch and thinks about the words Aang said. The sun has already descended beyond the horizon, but he still looks into the distance, as if trying to see something there. It has been too quiet here. _Too quiet for too long_. And it bothers him a lot. _Something is going to happen_. He doesn’t know when, but it’s going to happen eventually. That bad thought poisons his mind. Even if they hide from Azula in the best place they can hide, they can’t hide forever, sooner or later they’ll have to stand in front of her. And he’ll have to be brave and make no mistakes. Every the slightest mistake can lead him to his doom.

The Prince flinches when his ears catch some ruffle of clothing.

“Why are you here all alone in the darkness?” It’s Katara. He doesn’t turn to look at her but he can feel concern in her voice. “As if you’re expecting something.”

“Trouble.” He answers shortly. “You never know.”

“Don’t worry too much, your sister hasn’t found us yet.”

“You don’t know Azula like I do. She never gives up, and she’s so good on tracking. She can do anything, everything to implement her plans. Do you think she gave up on looking for the Avatar?”

“No, I never said that, I’m alert like you all the time. We’re all ready if she finds us.”

“But what are we going to do until she finds us? Just live a peaceful life and pretend that nothing’s happening?”

“We aren’t pretending that nothing’s happening. We know what’s going on, we just want to take a break from the war and allow you to recover from everything you have had to endure.”

Surprised, Zuko finally turns to her. Although it’s dark, he can clearly see her reddening cheeks. She stands at the front door, her hands crossed on her stomach, fingers cling together, and she stares nervously at the floor.

“I know how worried you are about me, but I’m good now, I can fight.”

“That’s not the case. If you can fight, it doesn’t mean you want to, does it? I mean, not now, there will still be a day when we join the battle to help Aang defeat the Fire Lord. Will you... be there when he needs us?”

“I had a lot in my mind lately.” He admits. “Can we take a short walk?”

“Sure.” Katara agrees, her legs quickly get off the porch and end up on the footpath. She turns to look at Zuko also getting off the porch, and when he finds himself next to her, they begin to slowly move forward.

“Why were you so upset at the dinner?” She asks unexpectedly. “Is it because you couldn’t sit at the table with us?”

“It’s nothing.” He replies with a sudden sadness in his voice. “When I saw you sitting together at the table... it’s like... that table was created for four of you, _without me_. I thought it was destined for you to be without me, that maybe it’s much better because I should be your enemy and it shouldn’t be otherwise.”

“Zuko...” Katara looks at him with her gentle eyes. “It’s just a stupid table.”

“I know, I know, but still...” Zuko sighs, his fingers sink into his hair. “You looked like such a perfect group that didn’t need any other member. I felt unwanted.”

“Don’t think about such things, you’re not unwanted, _you’re needed_. You know what I think of you and you know it’s not true.”

“Yeah, but I can’t help myself, I’m always ready for the worst. I was born ready.” He says bitterly, but his voice softens. “But if it makes you happier, I’m a little better now, because I started to feel like I’m a part of your group, I realized I didn’t need anything else as long as I have you. You treat me like a real friend, even though I did so many bad things. My Uncle was right, he always taught me that I have to be forgiving and give people a chance, that I have to treat people the way I want them to treat me.”

“ _An eye for an eye_ , right?”

“You know those words too, don’t you?”

“ _An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind_.” Katara finishes. “Yeah, I know. Your Uncle is a wise man. I just wonder how you ended up being so bad?”

“It’s a very long story.”

“I have time. Would you mind to tell me at least something?”

“I don’t think you want to hear it.”

“Why? Do you think your story would change my opinion about you?”

“No, it wouldn’t. I just don’t want you to feel sorry for me. You felt sorry for me long enough.”

“There’s nothing embarrassing to talk about your problems, especially with your friends.” Katara stands in front of him so he can’t go any further, her eyes pleading. “We are not here to hurt, but to help you, we’ll never laugh at you, I promise.”

“You think I have to tell others too?”

“No, you don’t have to if you’re not ready. You can tell me at first, and I know it sounds selfish, but...” The girl tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, her shoulders tighten as she feels uncomfortable.

Zuko looks at her face for a moment, at those bright blue orbs that look like two big lakes in the dark. “You really want to know so badly?”

“Sorry if I’m too nosy.” She whispers timidly, her hope fading away. She doesn’t know why, but she’s dying to know that it aches. “Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I don’t need to know anything about you. Maybe I can’t be attached to you.”

“It’s alright. It’s probably my own fault.” Zuko can feel frustration in her voice, and for some reason he feels guilty about it. She wants to open her heart for him and expects the same from him, but he just constantly pushes her away. “Maybe it’s time to change some things. But I’m not sure what exactly to say.”

“You can say whatever you want. About your childhood, relationship with your sister, father and mother. Anything.”

“Mother...” Zuko whispers, sadness radiating from his voice.

They walk further down the footpath and sit on the grass, by a small hill, where Zuko had previously sat with Sokka. Before he speaks, Katara clasps her bent legs with her hands, thinking. He never talked about his mother, and she never heard of her from others, no one from further countries knew who she was, as if she didn’t even exist. It worries her, especially when Zuko got so upset after remembering her.

“What happened to your mother?” The girl inquires hardly, trying to gain her courage.

“I don’t know.” Zuko sighs, looking at the fence in the left side to the hill. “She just disappeared. The only thing that left of her is a stupid picture, but it’s in the Fire Nation and I can’t have it anymore. I’m scared of the day when I might forget what her face looks like. My Mom was all the best in my life, she was the only one who loved me, but she was taken away from me. Like everyone else I love.”

“It can’t be that bad, can it?” Katara asks in a soft voice.

The Prince just sits in silence for a while, sullen. Katara tries to see his expression in the dark, she can see the unscarred side of his face and his furrowed eyebrow. His lips tightened as if he is trying to stop himself from erupting his emotions. She knows that if he did, those emotions wouldn’t be so good.

“It was perfect.” He finally says, Katara knows it’s hard for him to talk about it, but she doesn’t want to stop him, not now. “As you know, I was born in a royal family and I had everything I wanted. There was a war all around the world, but I couldn’t see a thing, I just heard about it. My Father said it was right, and I was proud of him, I thought we were the best and that other countries deserved the war. I was so naïve, but I was still a little boy. I didn’t care about wars, I just wanted to play, be with my Mom and do what all the kids at my age do.”

He is silent for a minute, again, his eyes fixed on the horizon, face looks serious and thoughtful as his mind goes far back to his past.

“I spent most of my childhood with my Mother. Her name was Ursa. She loved me more than Father. He wanted a perfect child who could take the throne after him, but as a firstborn I didn’t live up to his expectations. I didn’t have a spark in my eyes and couldn’t firebend. It was a shame. My Father wanted to get rid of me, toss me outside the walls and never see my face again, but my Mom talked him into so I could stay.”

“After long struggles, I finally learned I can firebend. It was my happiest day. I thought Father will love me, but Azula ruined it by showing her firebending for the first time. She had everything my Father dreamed of, she was a prodigy. I stayed in the shadows again, and no matter how hard I tried to be like her, nothing made him happy. He said _my sister was born lucky_ , and _I was lucky to be born_. It was hard for me, but my Mom was always there, supporting me.”

“She was a very kind woman.” The girl replies.

“Yes, she was.” A small smile adorns Zuko’s handsome face, and its gentle features fascinates Katara even more. The scar isn’t a problem at all, it’s a part of his life, and she kind of likes it, she can’t imagine him without it.

“When my Father wasn’t the Fire Lord yet and before Uncle had gone to war, we visited Ember Island with my cousin Lu Ten. We spent most of our time at the beach, building sand castles or swimming.” He continues. “I felt happy, my Father was looking at me with sincere smile on his face, and although I knew he would never love me the way he loves Azula, I imagined I’m his perfect child. It seemed that he was looking at me with respect, I was trying to believe that things would change and he start to love me. I felt like he could love me, but one day I realized I have no one to support me.”

“How did that happen?” Katara’s eyebrows arch in surprise. Zuko lowers himself into the grass and puts his hands under his head, looking at the starry sky. She thinks he will never talk, but he speaks in a quiet mysterious voice.

“That day, Father requested an audience with Fire Lord Azulon and wanted me and Azula to show our bending skills. Azula was perfect, of course. Father wanted to revoke Uncle’s birthright so he could be the Fire Lord instead. He wanted us to show themselves as the best heirs, I felt ashamed of myself, I wasn’t good enough, but my Mom supported me, again.”

“My Uncle had to become the Fire Lord, not my Father.” He spits bitterly. “But Lu Ten died in the war so his bloodline ended. Uncle didn’t return from the war, he grieved for his son and retired. My Father somehow took advantage of that and took the throne, even though I know my grandfather objected to it before. But just before my Father became the Fire Lord, he mysteriously died. My Mom disappeared the same night. She visited me before, she told me weird things, but I just drifted to sleep, I didn’t think then, but by the morning she was already gone and no one told me where and why.”

“Your Father is just pure evil.” Katara admits. “I’m so sorry about your Mother. Mine’s gone too.”

“Your’s too?” Zuko suddenly sits up, shocked.

“Yeah. I saw her die. When the Fire Nation invaded our village.”

“I’m sorry.” His nails nervously sink in the ground, he lowers his head in shame. He knows there is nothing more he can do, there is no way that a simple apology will redeem his country.

“You don’t have to, it’s not your fault. It’s not like you had the power to change everything.” Katara looks at him with such understanding eyes. She knows what he feels, being born in a country that started the Hundred Years War wasn't very easy.

“I know, but I feel responsible. It’s my Nation, my country. Even if I did nothing wrong, no one will pay attention to it, all the firebenders are the same to them.”

“Not for us. You wouldn’t be here if you were the same. When I was little and my Mother was killed, I hated the Fire Nation more than anything, and when I got to know you, I compared your face to those bad people who took my Mother away from me. Your face was always the one I imagined as the face of the enemy, but when I got to know you better, I realized I was wrong. I didn’t have to do that.”

“The people of the Fire Nation aren’t that bad. They’re just controlled by a wrong person.” Zuko emits some kind of silent sound, like a groan, rises from the ground and approaches the fence, surrounded by tall climbing shrubs that have white unfolded flowers. He stares at them and waits for Katara, he hears her clothes rustle and doesn’t turn around to look at her.

“Are you alright?” She asks silently.

“I’m thinking about my past. I just can’t stop. So much had happened and I can’t just leave everything in the past.” A strong gust of wind flutters his hair, he crosses his arms on his chest and looks sadly at the girl. “When my Mom left me, my life became a living hell. I had no one to protect me. Azula wanted me dead the whole time, once she ‘accidentally’ set my room on fire. She always made me play with her to make fun of me later. She was happy Mom was no more, she never loved her.”

“And she killed baby turtle-ducks to hurt you, I know, you told me. It’s just so awful.”

“Yeah. And she was just a little girl. But I was able to take it. It was nothing compared to what my Father did.”

Katara flinches. “And what he did?”


	19. The Sun and the Moon

“He wanted to make me stronger. Firebenders can’t bend in extreme cold or being in the dark for too long without any source of light. My Father used to lock me in a small dark room, he still had a clear mind not to lock me up in the cold so I wouldn’t die, but he gave me any food. It only took me three days to lose my ability, but after that it took me weeks to regain it.”

“But how can you be stronger when you lose your firebending?”

“That’s the point. When you lose your bending, you try harder to be strong until you finally regain your ability.” The boy explains. “I was angry. I always struggled to be strong, I wanted to be a firebender when I thought I wasn’t, and when I finally realized I am, he forced me lose my fire again to make me stronger. I couldn’t complain, I couldn’t say a word about it, I couldn’t stop him because if I tried, he whipped me with a fire. It was my lesson, and I was silent. And Azula enjoyed it, she liked to see me suffering. I tried to pretend I don’t care, but she knew I was lying.”

“I’m so, so sorry, Zuko.” Katara hears his breaking voice, she knows he’s on the verge of tears and wants to hug him firmly, but she hesitates, not wanting to cross their boundaries.

“You don’t have to. It’s not like you had the power to change everything.” He repeats her previous words.

She smiles briefly, not knowing what to say.

“When I couldn’t firebend, I learned to control existing fire.” He continues, his hand reaching for the climbing shrub on the fence, fingers cupping white bloom from the bottom, separating it from the heart-shaped leaves. “At least it was something, I just needed a light source. I don’t know why I couldn’t regain my ability for so long, maybe I was just weak. Even now I feel weaker in the dark. If I were strong, Father would never have done that, and if Mom was with me, things would be different. Sometimes I think she was ashamed of me, that she didn’t love me enough because she knew she was leaving me with HIM, but she did that anyway.”

“I’m sure she had a reason to leave.” The girl tries to comfort him and slowly walks closer. “Your Mother showed how she loves you, she supported you in difficult times.”

“So why did she had to leave me?!” Zuko shouts in an angry voice. “If she wanted to leave, why didn’t she take me together? Why didn’t she take me from that hell?”

“Maybe she couldn’t?” Katara sees tears streaming down his cheeks, she barely holds her tears herself, it hurts her to see her friend suffering. Her hands wrap around his waist, they slip gently until her cheek snuggles against his back. Something tells Zuko it’s not okay, but he doesn’t retreat, his eyes pinned on a white flower in his palm.

“I guess I will never get an answer.” He lowers his voice to a whisper, his tense muscles relaxing. “I’m sorry, I’m talking about my Mom, but you feel as bad as I do, and I promised not to hurt you anymore.”

“It’s alright, you don’t hurt me, I wanted to hear you in the first place.” Katara’s hands hold the hem of his golden sash. “I got used to living with constant pain that my Mother no longer exists. The man who killed her is a monster, I feel that if I met him, I could kill him.”

The boy doesn’t answer anything, but she feel him wobble from her words. “It’s not like I’ll do it.” She adds. “He’s probably long gone. It’s been many years.”

Zuko suddenly grabs her wrists and pulls her away. Katara gasps in amazement and thinks for a moment that he will walk away, disappear into the darkness and never return. She wants to apologize for thinking about such cruel things, that she feels the urge to kill, maybe he’s scared and doesn’t want to see her, but he just turns to her and looks her in the eye for a while. His eyes are still wet with tears, his body tensing again as if he wants to do something, but he just stands here and looks at her, doubting or fearing. His hand with the flower slowly rises to the left side of her face and sticks the stem behind her ear.

Katara stops breathing and looks at his lips, she feels his urge to kiss her, she is ready, but he slowly withdraws, though he can’t stop looking at her.

“Wow, these flowers are really beautiful at night.” He whispers, smiling.

“Well...” The girl is confused not knowing what to say, her cheeks are hot, she raises her hand to touch the flower. “They finally bloomed. I have never seen them bloomed.”

“Because you couldn’t. These are the moon flowers, they never bloom during the day, they bloom only at night. Just like you.”

“What do you mean?” Katara flushes. She knows perfectly well, but she wants to hear it from him. She wants him to say it. She wants to hear his voice saying every word.

“Ordinary flowers bloom during the day, because they need sunlight. And these flowers... are unique because they bloom at night.” He laughs quietly, looking at the ground. “This is just pathetic.”

“No, it’s not. Tell me everything you think.” This time, Katara grabs his wrists, his hands shaking.

“I just remembered what I told you at the North Pole. You rise with the moon, I rise with the sun. Most flowers rise with the sun, which means I’m like others, and you’re the flower that rises with the moon, and that makes you special.” He blushes madly, grateful that it’s nighttime and she can’t fully see his awkwardness. “Ironically, what makes you stronger makes me weaker.”

“That’s why we need each other, Zuko.” The girl’s hand releases one of his wrists and lands on his face, where the scar is. “When you are weak, I am here to protect you, and when I am weak, you can protect me. We can’t live without each other, can’t you see that?”

He closes his eyes, feeling her fingers travel gently through his scar, a scar he wouldn’t let anyone else to touch. “We can’t live without the sun and without the moon.”

“You are my sun, Zuko, and I’m your moon.”

“You are my moon.” He utters. “I’m your sun.”

It’s like time has stopped. They look into each other’s eyes, with Katara holding Zuko’s wrist and her palm on his face. They are both timid to do something, they just happy to be together. He smiles. Oh, how she likes to see him smile! Their bodies so close, radiating passion and craving for each other.

Katara barely stays on her feet, Zuko catches her from falling and she feels sinking in the grass. Their lips gingerly connect together in a kiss, his mouth moving against hers gently, and her lips pushing back just as gently. Her hands move from his arms to his messy hair, fingers tangling in soft strands, and nails easily snag into his scalp. His moan, which resonates against her mouth, sends an indescribable jolt through her. He seems hesitant to move closer and touch her, keeping a small distance between their bodies, but she grabs his shirt with one hand and pulls him towards her. He shifts his knees, pressing himself against her until their chests meet and his hips settle against hers.

Zuko retreats for a moment for quick gasps of air, his forehead resting on her neck. “Katara...”

The girl tugs his hair to pull his head back up. He blinks, confusion and desire swirling in his gaze.

“Don’t, please.” She doesn’t want to think about what they’re doing, she knows that as soon as she thinks about it, those wonderful feelings will fade. She can already feel panic occupying her whole body, but she quickly stifles it by recapturing his lips again. The second kiss is more aggressive and deeper than their first, and an unfamiliar shudder runs through her body. Zuko gradually gains confidence, shifting his weight, his agile fingers tracing the curves of her waist. Her wandering hands respond by traveling down his chest, settling on the sash that keeps his tunic closed around his abdomen, and lingers on the knot in its center.

When Katara’s rushing fingers finally untie the knot, her brain feels clouded, struggling to process anything but the way his hair sticks up where she ran with her fingers and how his chest heaves beneath that thin fabric of his shirt and unbound tunic. She wants to reach out and touch him again, but Zuko suddenly withdraws.

“No, stop, we can’t!” He shouts in a trembling voice, at the same time trying to catch his breath and emerge from dizziness.

“Why?” Katara seeks for him, but he just moves away from her.

“Because you’re only fourteen.”

“And you’re only sixteen.”

“I could have hurt you. Very badly. I always hurt people. Always.”

“No, you don’t. You haven’t hurt me, you made a promise.”

“I never hurt people because I want to. It always just happens by accident, and I don’t want that happen to you.” He turns his back to her, his legs bent, hands pressing his knees firmly to his chest.

“When did that happen?”

“What do you mean?”

“When did you start feeling something for me?”

“I don’t know, it just happened.” He whispers softly, she barely hears his voice. “At first, when your friend saved me and you started healing me, I felt dead inside. I wanted my body to die along with my soul. All my life I have been emotionally tortured. I lost Lu Ten and my Mom, then I was banished, only with my Uncle by my side, but now he is gone. I was left completely alone, I had nothing to fight for, but before I knew what was happening... I found someone else who truly cares about me. At first I felt that you saved me not so I could live, but feel dead while living. But because of you, something inside me just snapped, I found desire to live. You helped me to regain my true self, but it feels wrong, very wrong...”

“No, why does it feel wrong?” The girl pushes herself closer to him, but her hand stops in the air, she is not sure if he wants to be touched again.

“Because. I was banished from my home for three years, I always knew what I wanted. I wanted my honor, I wanted to go home and for my Father to love me. I was thinking too much about something I lost, but in reality the only thing I lost was myself. And now when everything’s changed... I can’t stop wanting what I’ve never wanted before.”

“There is nothing wrong with wanting. You can want whatever you want, you are free and no one can tell you what you need to want.”

“I know, but it feels so selfish. All I want now is you.”

“The feeling is mutual, Zuko, there’s nothing you should worry about.” Katara finally puts her hand on his shoulder, stroking gently. She can feel him relaxing a bit.

“Have you... ever kissed... a boy?”

Katara is surprised by the question and her hand freezes for a moment. “Yes, there was a boy. His name’s Jet.” She responds timidly, but pronounces the name bitterly. “But he ended up being bad. It was a mistake.”

“And what about the Avatar? I mean... Aang?”

“He kissed me once. But it doesn’t change anything. He has a crush on me, but I’m not sure if what I feel for him is love.”

“Not sure, huh?”

Katara takes a deep breath and pushes herself right in front of him so she can see his face clearly. His bright amber eyes shine from under his long bangs, and she smiles briefly. “You look so cute when you are jealous.”

The girl bends over to kiss him, and he loses his firm posture immediately, letting his legs on the grassy ground. Her tenacious arms wrap around his neck, he feels like he is going to choke from her closeness, but he doesn’t retreat, his hands ghosting on her back.

When they separate again, they try to catch their breaths. She lays next to him and he puts his head on her lap. They are silent for a while, Katara caresses his soft hair, she likes his strands slipping between her fingers. She wants it to never end, this night is perfect, the moonlight illuminates their bodies lying in the grass, the crickets chirping in the silence of the night, and it seems that nothing else is needed. Zuko was wrong though, their team was never actually perfect, the first day when Toph joined, they argued a lot until she decided to leave. If Zuko had been there, he would never say they are the perfect team and she would never long for that peace of mind after all the fuss they caused. She needed peace so much that it hurt. Until tonight...

“You know, I’ve always loved the moon flowers.” Zuko tells all of a sudden, his eyes are closed, he enjoys her gentle touches. “But I hate fire lilies.”

Katara giggles quietly. “Why?”

“Those flowers grow only in the Fire Nation. And that red color in them... it looks like blood. I know those flowers are bloodless, but they look like bleeding, like flooded with blood in the battlefield. Red always symbolizes evil, and white is pure, like those moon flowers. Like you.”

“You’re so romantic, you know that?”

“No. Am I?”

Katara opens her mouth to answer, but suddenly sees Toph running towards them.

“I don’t want to interrupt whatever you are doing, you lovebirds, but something’s coming!” She reports. “Something very big!”

“WHAT?!” Zuko jumps on his feet and grabs his sash, which Katara untied before. At the same time, Sokka emerges from the darkness, his eyes grow big as he sees Zuko hastily wrapping his sash around his waist and tugging the bottom of his tunic.

“WHAT?!” He screams with anger in his voice. “WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH MY SISTER?!”

“No, that’s not what you think!” The Prince feels his cheeks heat up in shame. Sokka clearly knows what they were doing.

“Guys, it’s not the time to talk about it!” Toph intervenes, trying to feel the exact location of the newcomers. “They are approaching from there! There are three of them... some animals... Wait a minute, these are komodo rhinos, I know them from before!”  
Zuko pins his eyes to the distance, to the side where Toph showed them to look, and tries to see something in the dark. “It’s Azula and her friends.”

“No way!” Katara gasps.

“Man, how did they find us?" Toph groans in annoyance.

“I told you it’s a bad idea to get closer to the town!” Sokka states. “Somebody saw us!”

“Just shut up and wait, Snoozles.”

“We can still get on Appa and escape.” Aang offers, joining the group.

“No, it’s too late.” Toph objects. “They’re here.”

Zuko grumbles with anger and gets ready for the fight when three rhinos surround them from all sides, raising dust beneath their feet. His eyes run across all three girls. Azula first gets off the rhino and walks closer with a treacherous smile on her face. Ty Lee follows her, her braid falls safely on her back as she jumps and lands without any sound next to her friend. And Mai comes next.

“Hello, Zuzu.” Azula speaks mockingly. “Long time no see.”


	20. The Blockages

“What are you doing here?” Zuko grits his teeth, he doesn’t like that Azula calls him Zuzu and smiles with treacherous smile. It doesn’t promise anything good, it really doesn’t.

“Isn’t that obvious?” Azula visibly sweeps a strand of her raven hair from her face.

“How did you find us?” He asks angrily.

“I always knew you were a traitor, but I never expected you to be ploting with the Avatar.”

“Leave him alone, he’s our friend now.” Aang states. “There is nothing you can do.”

“What did you do to him?” Azula’s eyes narrow. “Oh, let me guess. My little brother got into trouble, the Avatar and his friends took pity and helped him, and he joined them in gratitude. Am I right?”

The Princess speaks seriously and confident, she has a plan as always, but Zuko can’t predict it, her gaze shows absolutely nothing but cold-blooded evil. He knows that no matter what she plans, it will not be good for him or his friends.

“Anyway, I’m not here to fight you.” She says again. “I want to make you happy, because you’re my brother, you know? You may not believe it, but I care about you, and I know you won’t be with these peasants for long because they’ll never be your family. Your family is waiting for you in the Fire Nation, you can get love there and everything you need.”

“Where are you going with this?” Zuko’s fighting stance is no longer that firm. He turns his gaze to Ty Lee and Mai, who are standing beside her in silence. He tries to read something from their faces, but something tells him that they don’t know Azula’s real plans, because if they knew, their faces would surely show something. They weren’t cold-blooded, but actually his friends when they were kids, they wouldn’t wish him anything bad unless Azula blackmails them with something and they can’t reveal their true feelings.

“Oh, you’re so weak, Zuko. You’ve always been weak, but those your called friends make you even weaker. Fear is the only thing you can rely on. People fear you, people listen to you. Don’t let them pity you, don’t make yourself shameful, you’re royalty, they are the ones who have to serve you.”

“Just tell me what you want.”

Azula smirks. “You have to be grateful, I try to help you, I know where Uncle is.”

“What?!” Zuko stands as if struck by lightning. Is it true? Is she really trying to help him? Does she really know where Uncle is?

And at the same time, a second lightning strikes him in the back.

_Azula always lies... Azula always lies... Azula always lies..._

“He is alive?” The Prince’s voice trembles. “Is he really alive?”

“Zuko, don’t believe her, she’s lying!” Katara snaps, her hands reaching for her waterskin and uncorking it. She is ready to attack at any moment, she knows the Princess can be very dangerous. And this time she’s more alert, she knows her friend Ty Lee can block her chakras so she can’t bend. Toph, Aang and Sokka are also ready, they don’t want anyone to get hurt, like what happened last time with Iroh when Zuko was still their enemy.

“Why should I lie?” Azula rolls her eyes. “He’s my brother, I wish him all the best, but he chooses what’s worse by himself. I know where Uncle is, and I know how little Zuzu loves him, so I’m here to tell him where to find him.”

Katara’s hands twitch, but she doesn’t release her waterskin.

“WHERE IS HE?!” Zuko asks in an even stronger voice, his fists clenching in anger, he tries to gather his fire, but it doesn’t show up in his palms.

“Listen to her, Zuko.” Mai intervenes. “If you don’t want to get hurt, don’t fight. You know what happened last time, even with your friends you won’t beat us. The Avatar is no help for you.”

Zuko looks at the girl. His hands are slowly relaxing, he knows how Mai cares of him, she had a crush on him when they were kids. Mai looks at him without any emotion, but this time he can see concern on her face, he knows her well enough to read it.

“It’s not true.” Aang says. “Maybe I was gone for a hundred years, but I’m back, and I’m different now. I’ll do my best to keep you from fulfilling your dirty plans.”

Azula just laughs at it. “How sweet, but you’re still just a child. What could possibly go wrong?”

“Just talk.” He looks at her seriously, his staff firmly pressing on the ground. “And if you don’t want to fight, promise to leave us alone.”

“Fine, whatever you want.” She says casually, rolling her eyes again.

“I can tell when people are lying.” Toph states. She stands next to Sokka, who is holding his boomerang in front of both of them in case they need to fight. “I’ll know if you try to trick us.”

“Come on, you can’t scare me like that.” Azula mocks. “If you really want to see your precious Iroh, he’s in the Fire Nation.”

“What he’s doing in the Fire Nation?” Zuko is surprised. Is she really going to tell him the truth? Does she really wish him only good?

“Don’t you know? There are many posters around the world, you are wanted, those who find you will be generously rewarded. I guess you had to deal with the earthbenders who wanted to get all the gold? So they captured Uncle, and you managed to escape, am I right? The earthbenders brought him to the Fire Nation, and Father wasn’t very pleased that you weren’t with him. You’re still wanted.”

“I’m not going to the prison.” Zuko cuts off.

“Of course you’re not. You can do much better if you are smart. I tried to convince Uncle to tell where you are, but he refused. Father wants to lock you up so I wanted to go easier, maybe even capture the Avatar instead of you and give all the glory to you so you could go home. But Uncle still refused to say where you are, even when I offered him freedom and beautiful life in the Fire Nation. But I found you myself so there is no other choice now, he stays in the prison until he rots, but you can still redeem yourself.”

Zuko grits his teeth. Azula plays dirty again. Iroh never knew where he was, their ways parted, Azula tried to get from him what he didn’t know, and the scariest part that she is probably aware of it.

“Anyway, if you want to see Uncle alive, you have to come with me as a hero. Or surrender.” The Princess speaks again. “If you help me capture the Avatar here and now, you will be able to go home and save your beloved Uncle, and if you’re not...” She is silent for a while, watching his reaction. “You will end up in prison with him until you both die.”

Zuko slowly retracts from her. He knew something was off. If he hadn’t changed and attached to these people, he would have definitely accepted her offer, helped her capture the Avatar and returned home to save his Uncle. That would be a justifiable reason for him, but not now when he has found a new family, when he has fallen for Katara.

_He can’t just betray them._

_He can’t betray her._

His eyes meets her’s. She sees his indecision, but she feels, no, she already knows he won’t betray them, even though he’s in a lot of pain because he’ll have to leave his Uncle behind. And she’s right, Zuko soon covers Aang with his whole body, showing that instead of capturing him, he will protect him from Azula. He knows he is too weak, but he still does what he has to do, his arms are outstretched in both sides, ready to firebend.

“I won’t let you near them.”

“Zuko...” Aang whispers, concerned.

“You choose what’s worse again.” Azula smirks. “Do you really choose them over your precious Uncle?”

“No, I choose them AND my Uncle.” Zuko’s amber eyes flicker in the dark. “Release him.”

“Fight me.” The girl makes a firm fighting stance, preparing to attack, still smiling treacherously. Her brother watches every movement intently, waiting.

“Make me.” He hisses.

For a moment, time seems to stop, with Azula and Zuko standing in front of each other. Mai and Ty Lee are also ready to attack at any moment, Katara still holds her hands to her waterskin attached to her waist, Toph’s feet firmly pressing on the ground as she tries to feel vibrations, and Sokka with his boomerang.

“You fool.” Azula makes a circular motion, her whole body leaning forward as she stretches her arms with blue fire that flies straight to her brother. Zuko jumps into the air avoiding the blow. Approaching her, he raises his arms, concentrating fire in his palms, but it never comes, when he tries to hit, no fire appears, only his empty hands cut through the air. Azula takes advantage of that and with a light movement shifts herself behind him. A second flash of blue fire shoots at him, but Zuko’s quick reflexes help him turn around and face her again. However, it’s hard for him to concentrate and take that fire into his bare hands without burning himself, and the third flare is already flying towards him. He doesn’t understand what’s going on, why he can’t gather any fire, but he tries anyway. When the fire doesn’t show up, he retreats, avoiding Azula’s blow again.

This time, however, Zuko reacts too slowly, the fire flies dangerously close to his face, part of its burning flames slashing his left cheek, touching an indelible scar. He feels fire burning and ripping his skin. It triggers the darkest memories of his past. It’s like hell, it burns so hard he can’t handle it. He can hear himself screaming, just like the day when his Father left him scarred forever. The boy’s head soon hits the ground and he remains lying, gasping for air. But it’s not over yet. Between those flashbacks, he can hear screaming voices. They are vague and distant because of the hum in his head, but he knows there are many of them. He tries to raise his head. His eyes dimmed, but he manages to see Aang standing in front of him and making circular movements with his staff, which causes the wind and repels Azula’s fire so that it doesn’t hit him anymore, a vortex of flames revolves around his bold head until it completely disappears in the night.

“ZUKO!” The monk screams. “Can you get up?!”

He can’t answer. Get up as well. A gentle hand touches his shoulder and someone’s face leans over him. Zuko sees a curtain of long hair falling to his side and helping hands cupping his cheeks.

_He feels them burning..._

_His whole body is burning..._

_It’s hard to breathe..._

_Heart is pounding like crazy..._

_He is squirming in agony..._

Something is happening around Zuko, but he can’t understand because it’s so hot. He doesn’t know if it’s dream or reality. He sees himself in the Agni Kai arena kneeling in front of his Father, tears flowing down his cheeks as he begs for forgiveness.

“Zuko, it’s alright, I’m going to heal you.”

What is it? The boy hears Katara’s voice and it throws him back to reality. No, he’s not in the Agni Kai arena, he’s lying on the ground, Azula’s fire hit his scar, the scar which left him traumatized forever. Zuko didn’t let anyone else touch it before, he can’t let that happen again. He tries to stand up but it’s hard to move. He tries to see what’s happening around, but Katara’s face covers the whole picture. Is she crying? He can see her wet face but fails to see why it’s wet.

It’s too dark, two azure orbs are looking at him. Some cold liquid on Katara’s hands starts to glow. It soothes Zuko and he closes his eyes. He feels a pleasant breeze, it seems that he closed his eyes only for a minute, but when he opens them again, it’s already daytime. He sees Katara sitting next to him. She doesn’t look at him, her eyes are facing the sky, the wind gently flutters her hair. The boy realizes lying in the saddle, they are traveling on Appa, he’s moving past the clouds.

Katara suddenly turns around and looks at Zuko, as if sensing that he has woken up. Seeing his eyes open, she smiles and leans in front of his face.

“You’re awake!” Her voice is full of joy. Zuko is still trying to understand their situation, his head dizzy for another minute, but soon his vision brightens and he slowly sits up.

“What happened?” He asks in a raspy voice.

“Azula found us, remember?” She says.

“She is crazy!” Sokka outrages, sitting at the back of the saddle, so Zuko couldn’t see him. “She said she didn’t come to fight us, but she provoked the fight herself! She wanted to capture Aang!”

“That’s not the point.” Says Aang himself, sitting in front of the reins without turning to their side. “She’s just so strong, we have no chance of winning. At least not now. But we know now what she’s capable of, we can’t make the same mistake again.”

“We had to flee.” Sokka explains. “You got burned by your sister, and your firebending is gone.”

“Your chakras are blocked for some reason and I can’t unblock them.” Katara looks at him anxiously. “I’m sorry. Does your scar hurt?”

Zuko touches his scar before answering. He clearly remembers the moment the fire slashed his face. He doesn’t know if it did him much harm, but his body reacted horribly because of his past trauma.

“I can’t feel anything anymore. Thank you.”

“The wound wasn’t very bad though, but you lost consciousness because your body panicked. Azula tried to hit you again, but Aang saved you. We tried to fight them, but eventually we had to retreat.” The waterbender explains shortly. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Don’t be so paranoid, Sugar Queen, I’m sure you did good.” Toph speaks from the back of the saddle and punches Sokka in the arm. “Unlike this _useless_ thing!”

“Hey, I’m not a healer!” He protests, punching her back.

“Anyway, Sparky isn’t that good.” The girl reminds, blowing a strand of hair from her face. “He lost his bending. Do you have any idea how it happened?”

“No, but you know how’d you feel without your bending?” Sokka waits for a second, but nobody answers his question. “ _Useless_!”

“I’m not talking to you.” Toph flicks his forehead and shifts herself closer to Zuko.

“As I told you, his chakras are blocked.” Katara says in a worried voice. “They can be blocked for several reasons. I tried to find one, but I’m still not sure. The blockages aren’t physical, I can’t feel any deposits that triggered the loss so maybe they are psychological or emotional. I still have to find the exact source of the problem so I can start unblocking his chi. I’m going to work on it as soon as we land.”

“Where are we going?” Zuko asks.

“Anywhere. Just away from here.”

“We can’t hide from Azula forever.” He protests. “I’m tired of running, sooner or later we will have to face her.”

“I know, Zuko, we’ve talked about this before. But we have to do this until you regain your bending abilities.”

“I’m a hindrance for the group, again.” He spits. “There is always something that prevents me from doing things.”

“No, everything is going to be fine, I just need to take a closer look at you. When I unblock your chakras, you’ll regain your bending.”

They spend a few hours traveling in silence. Zuko sits between Katara and Toph, a light wind flutters his hair. As the hours go, the weather gets cooler, but he doesn’t feel it. He thinks about Uncle, now he knows he’s alive, the only thing he can do is save him, that’s why he’s so worried about his bending, he wants to get it back as soon as possible. That single thought poisons his mind all this time, and he knows what he has to do, without nobody else finding it out.

“The sun will descend soon.” Aang breaks the silence. “We have to go down and set the camp, Appa needs rest too.”

No one says anything due to exhaustion. The monk lands the bison in the forest. There is a river nearby where they can go for a swim or heat some water for supper. When Appa finally touches the ground, they all go down and start preparing their camp. Katara notices that even Toph helps carry things and build their tents with Sokka. The girl smiles. The last time they slept in the forest, Toph refused to help, they started arguing and she left. But the meeting with Iroh changed her somehow. She is still the same stubborn Toph, but she doesn’t mind when someone wants to help her and she willingly helps others.

Iroh... Katara tries to think of him. She doesn’t know how Zuko feels knowing that his Uncle is in prison, but she’s sure Zuko’s glad he’s alive. Is there a way to rescue him? Yes, she believes, she knows she has to help Zuko, that she has to talk about it and tell him all their future plans.

She decides to do it during the healing session...

When the camp is ready and while the meat is roasting on a skewer over the fire, Katara invites Zuko closer to the river. He knows what she wants to do and goes after her without saying a word. The girl shows him to lie down on the grass, and when he does, she waterbends some water from the river and kneels next to him. Before closing his eyes, Zuko sees her glowing hands getting closer. He knows the process will be unpleasant, but he is willing to endure to regain his ability.

“You know we’re going to help you save your Uncle, right?” Katara talks, her arms running from his head to feet as she searches for the blockages.

“Maybe?” He answers briefly, doubting.

“You can be sure about that.” She smiles even though he can’t see her through his closed eyelids. “Azula knows you want to go back to the Fire Nation so she’s playing with you, but you know she’s not going to kill Iroh?” When Zuko doesn’t respond, she continues. “We will help you, but it will take some time, we have to train to be strong enough to rescue him.”

“No, we can’t wait!” The boy objects and tries to sit up, but Katara’s hands push him back to the ground. “What if Azula actually kills him?”

“I know she can actually kill, but we have to take risks. We can’t blindly rush into her trap, because that’s exactly what she wants. She tries to capture you and put you in the prison as well, we need to be prepared.”

“And risk my Uncle’s life? What if she is torturing him? What if he’s hurt?”

“I know how it hurts you, but you said she’s good on making plans. But we have Sokka, he’s pretty good too, we’ll come up with something, just don’t rush yourself, okay?”

“Whatever you say.” He mutters, but Katara knows that he doesn’t like it at all. She is confused why he agreed with that, but she focuses only on healing for now. Zuko’s face sometimes twists, his one eyebrow frowns, but he doesn’t complain. Katara knows that the feeling is very uncomfortable when she tries to get inside him, but she must do so.

“Got it!” She announces. “Your blockages are psychological. Let me break them then. It can be even more unpleasant.”

The Prince nods.

“It probably happened because you were depressed for a very long time thinking your Uncle was dead.” She continues. “Your chakras are blocked by emotional toxins.”

“I don’t understand.” He mutters again. “When I started to feel better, I was able to firebend. I still had it a few days ago.”

“I don’t know everything about chakras, but maybe they haven’t been completely blocked yet?” The girl guesses. “Let me see.”

Katara concentrates on trying to do her job. Zuko looks at her with his half-closed eyes. The glowing water in her hands exposes her serious face, a curtain of long hair falls over her right shoulder. The girl then frowns and her hands slowly retreat. “It’s weird, I can’t unblock them, the blockages are too strong.”

Zuko flinches. “What does this mean?”

“Maybe I’m just too tired, the rest will give my strength back. I can try doing it tomorrow, don’t you mind?”

“No, I guess?”

She returns the water back to the river and wants to get up, but Zuko firmly grabs her by the arm and pulls her closer. She gasps in surprise, her knees press on the ground, chest almost touching his chest.

“Your hair... why aren’t you with your braid?”

“It kinda loosened in the fight.” She blushes, feeling the heat spread all over her body. “I’ll tie it up tomorrow.”

“You look so beautiful with your loose hair...” He whispers, she can feel his hot breath on her dark skin.

“And you look better without your ponytail.” She declares seductively, her knees move dangerously close between his legs. “Why did you cut it off?”

“It means I betrayed my Nation.” His breath hitches, feeling her body so insanely close.

Katara leans in to kiss him but suddenly stops. She knows if she doesn’t, she won’t be able to stop herself anymore. Her gentle hands slip out of his grip, the palm lands on his forehead.

“Why are you doing this?” He asks in a much more lively voice. “I don’t have a fever.”

“I know.” She kisses his forehead and gets up, fixing her tunic. “Let’s go back to the camp, they are probably waiting for us.”


	21. Plans and Hopes

“That was strange.” Katara hears Toph talking when they both reach the camp. She sits by the campfire, her legs bent and arms wrapped around her knees. “I couldn’t feel anything at all.”

“I thought you can feel it!” Sokka screams. “How do we know now if it’s true?!”

“Why should she lie?” Aang guesses, stroking his bald head.

“She can still lie about General Iroh.” Sokka explains. “We don’t know if Azula actually holds him as a prisoner.”

“What’s going on here?” Katara intervenes, slowly approaching the campfire and kneeling to check if the meat is already cooked.

“Toph can’t sense if Azula’s lying!” Sokka flails with his arms. “Can you believe that?!”

“She is twisted. She has no emotions or is very good at lying.” Toph tries to justify herself. “I am not almighty, leave me alone!”

“Okay then, chill out!” The Water Tribe warrior frowns for a minute, his fingers on his chin as he thinks about what they should do next, his blue eyes staring at the flame in front of him. “I know!” He announces. “We don’t have to fight to free General Iroh!”

Katara turns the skewer to roast the other side of the meat better. “What do you mean?”

“I’m just saying we have to sneak into the Fire Nation palace and free him from the prison secretly.”

“How I did as the Blue Spirit when I helped the Avatar escape from Zhao’s stronghold?” Zuko asks, bending his legs and flopping down on the ground, next to Katara.

“Exactly! A sneak technique!” Sokka starts drawing something on the ground with a stick. “It’s very simple, we just need to get into the Fire Nation as the Fire Nation citizens, no one will expect a thing!”

“That still doesn’t solve the problem.” Zuko says seriously. “The palace is guarded by many guards, we can’t get inside whenever we want.”

“That’s why we’ll do it at night, when darkness will be our cover. Also, firebenders are weaker at night, and you Zuko know your Dad’s palace, you know where everything is, you can take us to the dungeon, right?”

“Yes, but... there are too many of them, it will be impossible for us to knock them down so that no one will hear, we can’t pass completely unnoticed.”

“And what about that we get rid of the first guards we see, get dressed in their armor and get inside as guards ourselves?”

“Maybe it’s okay?” Zuko ponders. “But still not perfect. What about the guards in the palace yard and on the walls? How do you plan to get rid of a few guards so they don’t notice that? They have arrows, they can shoot you as soon as you get closer.”

“I’m sure I’ll come up with something, we can trick them somehow. We still have time to think about it though, we’re going to train first, just in case we need to fight Azula.” Sokka leans back, showing what he drew. It’s a picture of Zuko when he was still with his ponytail, his face looking angry, eyes shooting lasers.

“Hey, why did you do that?!” Zuko points at the drawing.

“What?” He shrugs. “I still remember how you screamed at me SHUT YOUR MOUTH, YOU WATER TRIBE PEASANT!”

Zuko blushes. “It was a long time ago!”

“Calm down, I’m just teasing. It was a good time, but of course it’s much better now that you’re on our side. I would never have imagined that having an enemy as a friend is so exciting!”

“Yeah, we are happy to have you here!” Toph punches him in the arm.

“Ow!” Zuko rubs the sore spot. “Why do you have to beat everyone?”

“Because that’s who I am!” She smiles sincerely and everyone starts laughing.

After a while, the meat cooks completely and they enjoy supper by the campfire. The sky is already dark, billions of stars are shining above them, and the smoke and flames rising in the sky reminds Zuko of his first Music Night. Everyone seems to be enjoying this evening, even Appa silently eats his hay nearby, hiding in the shades of the trees, and Momo jumps from one to the other trying to steal the food. Aang gives him some nuts and he eats them purring quietly. The monk doesn’t eat meat, but they have a little tofu with vegetables from their last meal.

After the supper, they decide it’s time to rest, but they have a bit of a problem...

“We don’t have enough tents.” Sokka declares. “Before we camped, we didn’t have an extra member, we only needed three tents. But now that we had to flee, we didn’t get another one and Zuko has no place to sleep.”

“That means someone has to sleep in ONE TENT!” Toph grabs the boy by the arm, giggling. “I can take you to my makeshift tent, Snoozels, you’re very welcome!”

“No way! I’m not going to bury myself in the dirt!” He tries to pull his arm out of her grasp, but when he succeeds, her tenacious hands wrap his arm again. “Let me go! I won’t go anywhere with you!”

“I can sleep outside.” Says Zuko and everyone strangely stares at him. “Just because I’m the Prince doesn’t mean I need to be treated like one. I slept outside many times.”

“It can get cold at night.” Katara’s voice feels uneasy. “You definitely need a blanket and a shelter. We can share one tent if you don’t mind, I can give you my bedroll, I have sleeping bag.”

“Well...” He blushes, rubbing his neck. “If you say so...”

“Believe me, nobody wants to sleep with Sokka, he snores and tosses around at night, he hit me in the face once.”

“I already apologized for that!” He screams as he walks toward his tent. “Do what you want, I’m too tired to think.”

“Sure, Miss Queen wants to sleep with Sparky!” Toph giggles again. “I know you guys hooking up!”

“Yeah!” Sokka suddenly freezes in the middle of walking into the tent, his eyebrows frowning. “What was that all about?!”

“What do you mean?” Katara turns away, feeling her burning cheeks.

“I found you in the dark, and Zuko was undressing.”

“No, I’m not!” Zuko opposes. “I was fixing my sash!”

“Sure. That’s why you kissed Sweetness.” Toph points at her. “Is she your girlfriend?”

“No, she’s not!”

“I can tell you’re lying!”

Everyone starts staring at him again. Zuko feels himself dissolving into dust. He’s still not used to Toph being able to determine when people are lying, especially when she boldly tells it to everyone. It’s uncomfortable for him when someone learns his secrets, especially when it crosses his personal boundaries, but he isn’t angry at her, Toph is Toph and it’s in her blood.

The Earthbender can feel his heartbeat and she knows he’s nervous. She still smiles foolishly, oh how she likes to tease people, and even more when they feel uncomfortable!

“Okay, okay.” She says after a minute. “Let’s get some sleep.” And kicks a small rock that hits Sokka in the head.

“Ow! Why?!” He asks, rubbing the back of his head.

Toph just blushes, lies down and lifts two earthy blocks that surround her on both sides like a tent. Sokka crawls into his tent murmuring something, only Aang sits in one place and stares at the extinguished fireplace as if he can see something in it.

“Zuko, you can go inside, I have to talk to Aang.” Katara says. The boy nods and soon disappears in the tent. She quietly approaches the monk, but he doesn’t look up at her. “Aang, that’s not why I let Zuko into my tent. He’s not my boyfriend... well, not yet.”

“I know.” He says in a sad voice. “He feels most comfortable with you because you healed him and you spend most of your time with him.”

The girl sits down next to her friend. “I think Zuko has been with us long enough to feel comfortable with any of us, I just want to show him that he is more than welcome in our group, I just want to help him feel like family, but that doesn’t mean I won’t help you the same way when you feel down. You are as important to me as Zuko, Sokka and Toph. We are all family and we help each other.”

“Is that true?” Aang finally raises his eyes at her. “Did Toph tell the truth that Zuko kissed you?”

Katara darts her eyes to the ground. “Yes, he did. But I was the first one to kiss him. I think he likes me. I’m so sorry Aang, I—”

“It’s alright, you can kiss whoever you want, it’s not like we’re a couple!” He smiles, but she can see sadness on his face. “I’m going to bed, I am very tired. Goodnight, Katara!”

Aang gets up and goes to his tent. Katara looks at that side for a while, worried about her friend, then goes to her tent herself, where Zuko is waiting for her. She feels guilty even though she knows she did anything wrong, she’s not guilty about her feelings and loving Zuko isn’t a crime. He also deserves to be loved, but she still can’t forget how hurt Aang looked. He loves her more than she thought he does.

The girl prepares her bed in complete silence. Zuko can feel that something is wrong, at first he thinks she feels uncomfortable because they have to sleep in one tent, even if she herself offered them to sleep together.

“I can leave if you don’t want to—”

“No, stay!” Katara says abruptly and grabs him by the hand, though he hasn’t moved from his seat yet. “You misunderstood, I feel completely fine with you being here.”

“Okay.” He gulps and blinks several times, the heat radiating from her body. She doesn’t let go of his hand for too long and he starts to feel really uncomfortable.

“I’ll take off your bandages tomorrow, you don’t need them anymore.” She adds.

“Oh.” He manages to say and nods, her grip finally loosen. “I was waiting for you to say that.”

“It takes a lot more time for fractures to heal, but you heal unusually fast.” She sits in silence for a minute, Zuko can see her increasingly reddening cheeks. “Um... maybe you... could turn around... so um... I could undress?”

“Of course I can!” The Prince retreats in a sudden motion, his cheeks red as well. “Sorry!”

There is silence in the tent for a while, Zuko hears Katara’s clothes slip off her body and he holds his breath, afraid to move even a little and cause some suspicion that he is peeking or so.

“I’m done, you can turn around.” She says. “You’re not undressed, are you going to sleep with all your clothes on?”

“No, of course not.” He rushes to take off his tunic and shoes, but stays with his shirt and pants, and only then turns to look at Katata. Though it’s dark in the tent, he can see the wave of her dark hair in front. It means she’s turned away from him, which is fine, he doesn’t want her eyes to register his every move.

Zuko finally crawls into his bedroll. He also lies turned away from her, it’s so quiet in the tent that he can hear her breathing, and that makes the situation even more uncomfortable, he can clearly imagine that she can hear his breathing too.

Katara tries to glance at him without making too much sound, wondering if he feels the same way she does. “You know.” She says. “Don’t get mad at Toph, she just likes to cross the line, but she doesn’t want anything bad.”

“Yeah... I noticed.” He whispers as if not wanting for someone to hear him on the other side of the tent.

“She is actually trying to help us. By telling how and what we feel for each other, she let others know so that it doesn’t get complicated later.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know how long it would have been when others learned that we... you know? Then it would be hard to explain why we didn’t tell them anything, but now they know. Aang knows I like you, he feels upset, but at least he knows. It would have been a lot harder for me to explain it to him, Toph sensed it, so she said it for me.”

“I guess it’s okay?”

“Of course it is. Aang will have more time to accept the fact that I don’t love him the same way he loves me. I know it sounds cruel, but I’m powerless to do something, I can only support him as best as I can.” She is silent for a minute, thinking. “But Toph can keep secrets if it’s necessary, she actually respect others. She is very confident, but at the same time behind that solid shell I can see a sensitive girl, and that’s why I admire her. I’ve always wanted to be so brave, but I guess I just can’t.”

“You are you, Katara. You don’t have to be someone else or pretend to be someone you are not. Believe me, I’ve tried it many times, but it didn’t work out, you see where it led me, to my true self. You can’t run away from your true self.”

She smiles even though he can’t see that smile.

“I still didn’t thank Toph for not leaving me injured in the woods.” He continues. “It’s probably not too late.”

“She knows you’re grateful, you don’t have to tell her.”

“Maybe. But I have to tell you what happened before she brought me to your group. I still didn’t tell anything from that night.”

“You don’t have to if it makes you upset. I know you were attacked by the earthbenders and they captured your Uncle, that’s what Azula said.”

“You are my friends now, it would be wrong if you didn’t know more about me.”

“Well then, if you think so, you can tell everything in the morning.” Katara buries her shoulders in her sleeping bag. “It’s the time to sleep now, we’ll have to travel again tomorrow. Goodnight, Zuko.”

“Goodnight, Katara.” He whispers and closes his eyes, smiling. He thinks about his Uncle. Although they are not together now, he knows that Uncle is alive, waiting for him, and he will soon travel to free him. Zuko believes he’ll succeed when Katara unblocks his chakras, and he will finally be able to feel completely healed.


	22. The Touch

A few days have passed. The GAng traveled at dawn each day, not wanting to stay in one place for too long, getting closer to the Fire Nation. In the evenings, they stopped somewhere by the river to get water and set up tents in the woods. On one of those evenings Zuko decided to tell in detail what he and his Uncle were doing after the battle at the North Pole, how he stole an ostrich-horse, separated from his Uncle and met a boy named Li, who mercilessly send him away from the village just because he is a Firebeder, and how after that he finally reunited with Uncle, but they were separated again by the earthbenders. The Prince tried to tell what had happened before Toph found him wounded in the woods, but he couldn’t remember how he escaped the attackers. It made him a little worried, but friends reassured him that everything is going to be alright as long as he is with them.

Between those long and tiring travels, they took breaks for Appa to rest, while they themselves mostly trained or went to the market. However, not everything went as they planned. Katara finally removed Zuko’s bandages, but she couldn’t unblock his chakras in any way. No matter how hard she tried, the blockages were too strong. And Zuko felt even more frustrated. The more days passed, the harder it was for him to wait until he could rescue his Uncle. The girl felt like his hope was dying with each passing day, that he felt helpless and useless, but she tried to comfort him that Azula isn’t torturing Iroh.

“Maybe you’re right.” Zuko speaks when she tries to heal him again. “She just wants to scare me.”

“I think you have to make a little effort yourself to unblock your chakras.” She declares, her hands running through his body with glowing water. “If not, it may take even longer.”

“And what should I do?”

“Maybe your body is healthy from the outside, but the consequences of your depression aren’t over yet. You aren’t fully healed spiritually.”

“How should I do that? I can’t heal spiritually until I see my Uncle, until I know he is fine.”

“You have to try, you must to, otherwise you will never regain your firebending.” Katara sighs, swiping her finger on the text of the scroll. “Try to think optimistically. Think of the day you finally see Iroh. Imagine having your fire, sleep well, eat healthy and meditate.”

“That’s it?”

“Yup, it says it should help you.”

A week had passed, but Zuko still hadn’t regained his spark. He couldn’t create even a little bit of fire, though he tried to do it every day. The GAang watched him making fist jabs, they knew he was trying as hard as he could, but nothing came out. Toph tried to do “the danger test”, attacking Zuko by surprise, she hoped that when he felt danger, his chakras would unlock, but the giant boulder just knocked him down on the ground. After that his butt hurt all day and he couldn’t sit normally. All of this made him even more angry at himself. He didn’t blame Katara for not being able to unblock his chakras, he only blamed himself for being so emotional, because of his stupid emotions and past shame he was unable to create lightning, and now he can’t control even the simplest fire.

Memories of that day flowed through his mind. When he screamed to the heavens how unfair his life was and wanted for the lightning to strike him down permanently.

_Oh, how useless and pathetic he was..._

AND HE STILL IS.

No, he can’t think about it. _Never again..._

Another day has passed. And nothing.

“Are you sure you didn’t miss anything?” Toph asks. “It continues for too long. What if he never regains his bending?”

“I didn’t miss anything, I studied that scroll to the last word.” Katara looks at Zuko, who is just sitting by the river and gazing at the sunset.

“So what do you think it is?”

“I don’t know. I’m lost. I never thought I would feel completely useless for him again.”

“Until he is in such a state, we won’t be able to free Iroh, because only Zuko knows the dungeon in which he is.” Says Sokka, going closer to his friends.

“And what do you suggest to do, genius?” Toph speaks sarcastically, burying her feet in the dirt.

“He can draw a map for us.” The boy shrugs.

Toph raises her eyebrows. “You want to leave him behind?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Katara intervenes. “We can’t leave Zuko behind, he will never let us go without him.”

Sokka crosses his arms on his chest. “If he wants his Uncle to be free, he’ll have to deal with it.”

“We shouldn’t make him feel useless.” The Waterbender looks at Zuko anxiously, then looks around as if searching for someone else. “Where is Aang? We should discuss about it with him too.”

“He said he is very tired and went to bed early.” Sokka replies.

Katara gets even more upset. From the day he found out that Zuko had kissed her, he behaves a little unusually, speaks in a nervous voice and even avoids the girl when she wants to talk about it. She knows he feels down and needs time to come to terms that she now belongs to Zuko. But she knows he’s not angry and will never try to step in to win her, he doesn’t want to hurt her and Zuko. He doesn’t want to ruin their relationship, he’s just frustrated that he can’t have a girl he loves.

Deep in thought, Katara doesn’t notice Zuko approaching them.

“Can I talk to you, Toph?” He asks seriously.

“Sure. What is it?” The girl responds.

“I want to talk to you in private.”

She stands up and they both walk slowly down the footpath. Friends look at them until their figures disappear behind the trees.

“So what do you want to talk to me about?” Toph asks.

“I...” Zuko rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed. “I wanted to thank you for not leaving me to die in the woods. I know it came out of nowhere, I had to do it a lot earlier.”

“Yeah, a lot.” The girl punches him in the arm. “But you shouldn’t worry about it or your heart will jump out of your chest, you know?”

“Oh... sorry.”

“For what? You didn’t do anything wrong. You are a good person and I saved you for a reason. Once you regain your firebending, you will be able to teach Twinkle Toes a few things. I’ve ‘seen’ you make some very good moves.”

“Well... I’m not a firebending master, I don’t think I could teach him.”

“Come on, why are you so unsure of yourself? No wonder you can’t regain your abilities.”

“You can’t help me that way, you know? Throwing boulders on me and stuff.” Zuko rubs his butt, remembering the hit.

“Oh, you can’t handle a few rocks, Princey Tender-Skin?” Toph scoffs.

“No, not that. It all just reminds me of the day when...” He’s hesitant for a minute, he doesn’t want her to hear, but he still needs to say it. “Those earthbenders crushed my hands, I don’t think I can forget that. And I don’t know if they did the same to my Uncle.”

“Oh, I’m sorry." She now realizes that her “danger test” wasn’t the best idea. “But don’t you worry that much, you will bear all of this. I mean, it’s probably had been a lot harder for you in the past, you have a scar on your face.”

Zuko flinches and stops. His palm slowly rises and cups his left cheek. His skin in that place will never be smooth and soft again, no matter how much he hates it. There is nothing that could change it. “Yeah...” He whispers. “It was much harder in the past... you have no idea...”

“Wanna talk about it?”

They walk the footpath a little more, then Zuko stops by the tree and sits on the stone next to it, his feet firmly rests on the ground, palms on the stone. Toph sits silently on the ground and stretches her short legs.

“You want to know about my scar?” Zuko asks. “You haven’t heard any rumors?”

“No, nobody told me anything.”

“I didn’t tell anyone, but people from the Fire Nation know what happened, many of them saw me that day.”

“Many of them? You were scarred in front of many people and no one helped you?”

Zuko is silent again, looking at the girl. Even if she doesn’t show it, he can feel that she’s worried about him, her voice betrays all her emotions. “It’s not like they had to help me. I dishonored myself that day, they had to hate me.”

“What did you do?”

The boy sighs deeply and turns his eyes to the sky. The sun setting makes the sky bright yellow, it’s so beautiful that Zuko again spends a few minutes in silence, admiring. Normally he felt his weakening firebending as night approached, but now he doesn’t feel anything, his inner fire is gone.

“I tried to help my people.” He finally says. “I thought it was right, but Father was angry with me. I have never seen him so angry before.”

“You tried to help people and your father got angry?”

“He is the Fire Lord, you know how ruthless he is. He wants all the best for his country, but that’s just his desires, others don’t have to agree but they have to be silent. That’s what didn’t happen to me. I tried to protest and he punished me.”

“Your father burned your face?” The realization suddenly makes Toph widen her eyes.

“Yeah, he did.” Zuko rasps, still staring at the sky. He doesn’t dare to look at the girl, doesn’t want to see her pity for him. “I wanted to enter the war chamber where the generals discussed the war details. I thought I would learn something, but the guards didn’t let me in. Uncle did. And it was the worst mistake ever. He told me not to speak, but I couldn’t. They wanted to sacrifice a new division in the war, and I just wanted to defend my people and spoke out against that plan. My Father was angry, he said I despised my country, and I had to take a part in the Agni Kai, the fire duel. I thought I was going to fight the general whose plan I was against, and I said I wasn’t afraid, but the one I had to fight was actually my Father. After that...” He raises his hand, tracing each line of the scar. “Well, you know... I had no time to recover, my Father exiled me from the Fire Nation the next day, he never even saw my scar, but he probably never cared, I guess. My Uncle blamed himself for letting me into the chamber and left with me. At least Father gave us the ship and the crew, we weren’t completely alone.”

“It was... scary.” The Earthbender says quietly. “My parents never gave me what I wanted the most, but they never hurt me physically.”

The boy finally looks at the girl. “What about your parents?”

“Nothing very special. I was born blind and they kept me from danger all the time, the world didn’t even know I existed. They thought I was just a little fragile girl, but I wasn’t, I could see through earthbending. They knew I was a bender and hired a teacher for me, but that wasn’t all what I wanted, so I became the Blind Bandit.” She laughs quietly, remembering the days when she whacked her opponents in the tournament. Zuko looks at her with interest. “Finally I could be myself, I could feel free. And then I met Aang and his friends and ran away from my parents. I know the feeling when your parents don’t love you enough, but yours... just unbelievable.”

The Prince sighs deeply, not knowing what to say. He knew before that he wasn’t the only one suffering, many innocent people had suffered in this hundred years war and he simply didn’t dare to feel sorry for himself. Every time he did that, he felt ashamed and tried to believe that there are people in the world who suffer much, much more than him and his sob stories make others laugh, especially those who aren’t from the Fire Nation. In that way he learned to be quiet and keep the pain in, but now that he had understanding friends, he was able to open himself up a little bit.

“Let me touch it.” Suddenly, Toph says.

“What?” Zuko is a little confused.

“Your face. I want to touch your scar.”

“Why?”

“I just want to know how heartless your father is. I want to know what he can do to others when he can do such harm to his own child.”

“Hey, I remember you touched my scar before.” He frowns.

“Yes, but then you were hurt, I felt all your wounds and I couldn’t tell which one was your scar.”

“Well... you know, I don’t let anyone touch my scar, every time someone tries I feel like they’re trying to burn me again, the warmth of each hand is a sign of danger to me.”

“I won’t burn you, I am not a firebender.” She laughs again, her voice sounds like wind chimes. Zuko has always loved that laugh, and he smiles in relief, he knows she can’t hurt him and he wants her to trust him more.

With a slow motion, the boy lowers himself from the stone to the ground, closer to the girl. “Okay, you can touch it now.”

Toph raises her hand to his face a little hesitantly, feeling his heartbeat. She knows he’s nervous, but at the same time she wants to show that she’ll never hurt him, even if sometimes she’s rough and makes fun of her friends. Zuko closes his eyes and just waits. Soon he feels her warm fingertips barely run over his cheek. He gently catches that hand and puts it on his cheek so that her entire palm could feels the scar. They sit for a while, both frozen, as if waiting for something. Toph looks focused and Zuko tries to stay calm, breathing steadily.

“Whoa!” Toph gasps. “It’s a very big scar. You don’t deserve such punishment.”

“Do you really think so?”

“No one deserves such punishment, the one who must be punished is your father.”

“He will be. If Aang defeats him.”

“Don’t worry, he will.”

Toph retreats her hand but remains seated next to Zuko. He turns his eyes from her to the sky again, pondering. No one has ever touched his scar before, except his Uncle, but now that he has friends, he can see that touches can’t always hurt him.


	23. The Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry you had to wait that long, I was on hiatus, but I'm back now! ;_;

_A terrific lightning strikes the dark sky, followed by a deafening thunder. The boundless forest is illuminated with silver light, but after a second the darkness descends again. Listening carefully, Zuko opens his eyes and looks at the forest. He doesn’t know where he is, he had never seen this creepy place before. Or did he..? He’s not sure, it’s too dark, he doesn’t see anything, he can only hear and feel._

_The cold penetrates through his clothes, licking his skin like a sharp tongue. He can even feel the blood dripping down his hands and raises them in front of his face. Blood runs through his fingers, down his forearms to his elbows. There’s so much blood that he doesn’t know if it’s his own or someone else’s. The unbearable pain engulfs his hands as if something is ripping them from his body. He screams in agony and falls to the ground. There is mud everywhere, but it doesn’t matter to him, he just wants to end the pain..._

_Zuko doesn’t know how long the pain has been raking his body, he only knows he wants to die. It’s so much better this way, he shouldn’t have to suffer so much. But he loses consciousness and when he wakes up, the pain is already gone as if never had been. The boy slowly gets up and looks at his hands again. He still has them, they are not injured, but this time something is different._

_He can feel the presence..._

_Something is close..._

_Something very dangerous..._

_A sound of crackle disturbs the night. Zuko looks around gasping for air. His chest heaving rapidly, heart pounding in horror, like a bird trapped in the cage and trying to escape._

_“There you are. You won’t run away from me anywhere.”_

_Zuko freezes, terrified. It’s still too dark for him to see anything. The Earthbender... he would recognize that voice everywhere. There is no doubt. But how did he find him? There is no time to think, the boy must save himself and run. He knows he can’t do anything else. He doesn’t know where his friends are, and most importantly, he can’t firebend._

_And this time, no one is going to save him._

_Zuko’s legs press firmly on the ground, and after a moment, they are carrying him away through the forest floor. He keeps looking back to see where the Earthbender is. Tree branches lash his sides and face, rip his clothes, leaving deep cuts on his flesh. But he refuses to give up, he runs through the pits, puddles and mud, collapsing but rising again and again. He can feel the ground shaking beneath him as the Earthbender runs after him. The Prince falls down, losing his balance once again._

_He knows the enemy is close. He can probably grab him at any time, but he just enjoys and waits until he no longer has the strength to run. But Zuko is too scared to think, desperately trying to get rid of him, no matter how tired he is, no matter how much rain soaks him through._

_Soon the trees ends and the boy finds himself in front of a fence. Catching his breath, he looks around for its end, but he can’t see any passage through. Panic rises inside him, but until the assailant approaches, he starts climbing up the fence. Unsuccessfully, the man grabs him behind his tunic. Trying to escape, Zuko slips off the armholes, but it’s too late, strong arms tear him off the fence and hit him on the muddy ground. Zuko tries to clamber, stand up and run, but a furious kick to the stomach sends him down again._

_There is that silence for a moment when Zuko thinks it’s all over. But the man gets closer. The boy sees his huge menacing shadow and panic embraces him completely. The Earthbender is already standing above him. Pressing his hands to the ground. With his heavy boots. With admiration looking at his face. Zuko wriggles, trying to escape, avoiding his look. He had never been so scared. He knows what will happen next. It had happened before. The Earthbender will ruthlessly crush his hands, enjoying his suffering, without rushing to kill him._

_He can already feel braking bones, tearing skin and muscles. He knows he’s screaming in unendurable pain, but he doesn’t recognize his own voice. For a minute, the Earthbender retreats and waits until he stops._

_“Princess Azula needs you, otherwise you would be dead by now.”_

_Lightning flashes again and Zuko clearly sees his face now. He had never seen such raw anger before. Those stern callous eyes, with dark wet hair falling on them, and a huge muscular body created to break and destroy sent shivers down his spine._

_An eruption of thunder covers the entire forest. The man leans to lift Zuko out of the puddle of dirt, but the sharp teeth gnaw deep into his arm. He screams loudly and hits Zuko in the face, trying to get him off. While he is squirming in pain, the boy crawls from under him, gets up and disappears into the darkness. There is no more forest now, only an empty clearing. He can’t see his enemy anymore, but he knows he can show up at any moment and runs as fast as he can._

_But suddenly a steep cliff opens up in front of Zuko and he gasps in despair. He almost loses his balance as he looks down over the edge. It’s still so dark, he can only see a black gorge. He can hear the impending footsteps and again, like a haunting nightmare, feel the ground trembling beneath him. The freezing cold spans his entire body._

_Another flash of lightning illuminates the surroundings._

_“What are you planning to do?” A mocking voice is heard from the distance._

_Zuko freezes, catching his breath. The enemy is slowly approaching. He stares at the man frightened. In the starless night he looks all black, only his eyes glow angry green._

_“You are trapped, do you still want to play?”_

_The boy looks at the river right under his feet. He can’t change anything, though deep down inside he knows there is a way out, although the cliff is so high and he doesn’t know if the river is deep enough, he might die if he jumped. But the man is getting closer... Zuko waits for the right moment, and when the Earthbender takes a couple more steps, he falls down with almost no sound. Icy water embraces his entire body. He stretches out his arms, trying to escape the clutches of the river and grab onto something, but his clothes pull him to the bottom. He can no longer resist..._

Zuko opens his eyes, gasping and trembling with fear. He tries to sit up, but someone’s helpful hands lay him back on the bed.

“Relax, it’s just a nightmare.” Says Katara in a soothing voice. “You were asleep.”

The boy blinks a couple of times and finally comes back to reality. No Earthbender is trying to capture him, he is safe with his friends and no one is going to hurt him. Sighing deeply with relief, he closes his eyes again.

_There you are. You won’t run away from me anywhere._

“Are you okay?” Asks Katara, leaning in front of his face and landing her warm hand on his sweaty forehead. “You went to bed way too early, I was so worried.”

“I’m fine.” He mutters. “I’m just tired, we trained for so long.”

“Are you sure? You’ve had a lot of nightmares lately. Do you want to talk about it?”

_Princess Azula needs you, otherwise you would be dead by now._

“Not really. It’s just stupid nightmares. I don’t want to worry you.”

“You worry me even more when you keep silent.” She smiles gently, pulling away a little. “What was that dream about?”

_What are you planning to do?_

_You are trapped, do you still want to play?_

“I don’t remember anymore.” Zuko slowly sits up, rubbing his non-scarred eye. “How long did I sleep?”

“Only for a couple of hours. I heard you scream so I had to wake you up. If you want...”

“Nah, I’m good. Don’t worry.”

The girl retreats. Her fingers nervously crumpling the edge of her tunic, eyes pinned to the ground. She waits for him to say something, but Zuko’s thoughts wander elsewhere, somewhere far away from the present. He waited for too long, he has to do something to rescue his Uncle, and that gruesome dream poisons his mind like a snake, he can’t think clearly.

“I know you are plotting without me.” He says staring into his hands, still feeling the pain, although his hands are perfectly healed. “I know, I’m weak now, but I can’t leave my Uncle.”

“I’m sorry.” Katara’s shoulders tighten and she doesn’t dare to look at him. “It was Sokka’s idea, I was against it. But he knows you are the only one who can show us where the dungeons are.”

“But we can’t wait that long. It’s been two weeks since I found out my Uncle is alive, I have to take a risk and rescue him.”

“I know how impatient you are, but it’s too dangerous, look what Azula did to you when you couldn’t use your firebending. I won’t let anything like that happen again.”

“You can’t protect me every time.” The boy’s fingers run across his face, remembering the day Azula’s blue fire touched his scar and evoked his most painful memories.

“I know you are sad, but we have no choice.”

He slips back into his bedroll and covers himself with a blanket, turning away from Katara. “Yes, we have.”

“What do you mean?”

Zuko remains silent. He knows she won’t like the idea at all. Concerned, Katara leans to touch him without saying a word. Her hands gently caress his soft hair. They spend some time in complete silence. She knows it hurts him, but feels that being next to him helps. Zuko is sure those hands will never hurt him again, so he doesn’t retreat. It reminds him of the day his Uncle caressed his hair when he cried by the campfire and felt lonely, and then became even more lonely because later that night their ways parted. Uncle never wanted to hurt him, and so did Katara.

“Zuko?” She says cautiously. “We just planned to get some dinner. Maybe you would like to warm up by the fire?”

He removes the blanket from himself and looks at her through his bangs falling on his forehead. His eyes are still sad, but she knows he’s better already, her gentleness always gives him some hope.

At that moment they hear some rocks sliding behind the tent and the ground shaking for a moment.

“You may ask Sparky himself, I’m sure he’ll tell you!” Yells Toph.

“Hey, why did you do that?!” Sokka screams, annoyed. “You probably woke him up!”

“Nope, he’s not asleep anymore, I can feel it, you know? He is with Sweetness, I’m sure they have a good time together!”

She speaks as if to emphasize or remind him that Katara is in love with Zuko, and the Waterbender blushes furiously.

“Sparky.” Zuko chuckles quietly. “Since when does she call me like that?”

“Since forever, I guess.” Shrugs Katara.

“I no longer have any spark in my eyes. It’s just so stupid to call me that name.” He sighs and rises from the bed. “Maybe we need to check them out?”

Turns out Sokka wanted to ask Zuko about his sword skills. He heard him rescuing Aang from Zhao by sacrificing his life and without using his firebending in the slightest. When Sokka asked how, Aang explained to him that Zuko was using dao swords and tried to show a few moves himself, but they turned out bad. Sokka always wanted some new skills and hoped Zuko would show him a few tricks, maybe in return he would teach Zuko to use the boomerang. Or at least that’s what he expected.

“I don’t have my swords.” Zuko explains with some sadness in his voice. “I lost them in that accident, the earthbenders probably sold them for a good price.”

“Oh, man!” Sokka slaps himself in the face. “You know what? We’ll get you a new pair, and until then we can train with... STICK SWORDS!”

“Nah, I’m not a good teacher. And I wasn’t that cool at all.” He says, scratching the back of his neck and with his left foot kicking some pebbles. “Believe me, Sokka.”

“Come on, you can try, it’ll be fun!” He begs, looking him in the face. “You can’t use your firebending now, it’ll be great to improve your other skills, right?”

And Zuko finally agrees...

They spend the rest of the evening by the campfire. They eat and laugh, and Zuko knows this night is special. He is upset, but tries not to think, to direct his thoughts somewhere else. He knows that others are also thinking of his Uncle and are as worried as he is. And Zuko feels guilty, if only he were stronger, his friends wouldn’t be in such danger. And maybe Uncle would be with him, telling what he should do or how to get his firebending back. On the other hand, maybe he would never have made friends and fallen for Katara.

That’s why he decides he has to protect his friends. He can’t let anything happen to them, make them suffer or worse. He has to go alone. He has to free his Uncle. He must to. Only then will his friends be safe and he will no longer be useless. He will survive. He was in great danger many times, and still survived. Back at the North Pole, he could have died, but he had his fire breath. He could have died when Katara knocked him down on the snow and left him freeze, but Aang spared his life. There is always, always some way out.

Thinking about it, Zuko reaches his bed and his head touches the pillow. For a while, he just lies and waits for the others to fall asleep. It’s so late, they shouldn’t take long. Katara lies next to him in her sleeping bag. He knows she’s not asleep yet, he can feel it from her breathing. She tosses from side to side, some bad thoughts are worrying her. He pretends he is sleeping, but he can’t handle the thought that she might not fall for all night so he decides to talk to her.

“Have trouble falling asleep?”

Katara raises her head in surprise. Zuko approaches her without any sound and they find themselves face to face with each other. He looks at her for a minute as if trying to read something from her eyes. It amazes her, he was always so shy before her, and she knows he is serious.

“I just... I feel like something is wrong.” She says.

“And what exactly could be wrong?”

“The whole thing with your Uncle. Everything is just weird.”

“Why? You heard what Azula said. Uncle is in the Fire Nation and if I want to see him, I have to go back there.”

“Exactly. Why should Azula or your Father want you back?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Your Father banished you from the Fire Nation when Aang was still frozen in ice.” She clarifies. “He gave you an impossible task because he hoped the Avatar wouldn’t return and you would never go home, right?”

“Well, I was the one who told you that.”

“Yeah, but that’s not the point. Azula wants you to come back like a hero with the Avatar, but you made it clear that Aang is now your friend. It’s all just a trap. Azula knew you’d choose us as your new family, which means she predicted we’d come to rescue your Uncle with a secret plan, hoping she wouldn’t suspect a thing.”

“But what else can we do to free my Uncle?”

“Even if Sokka’s plan is really good, we need to be prepared for suprises. If my guesses are correct, we won’t avoid fighting Azula because she is waiting for us.”

“Well, I will keep that in mind, if it makes you feel better.”

“I know you don’t like it, but I just want to protect you and my friends. Believe me, we have to wait for the right time.” Katara sits up and smiles gently, her hands rise to cup his cheeks. “But now we must try to rest a little. What do you think?”

“I guess you are right.”

Trying to calm him down, she leans forward to kiss him, her hands go down, finding his hips and pulling him closer. Zuko gasps in surprise and pulled by her force leans over her even further. Their bodies are now clinging to each other. She still holds his hips, he loses courage and gulps, trying to regain his breath. Her soft arms now wrap around his neck. Katara’s tenderness incites Zuko’s confidence. He almost suffocates from her closeness and alluringly tenacious arms.

“What are you thinking about?” The girl recovers first. As if from some strange mysterious bonfire, a silver moonlight from the tent window is falling on both of them. It looks like she could disappear if Zuko isn’t careful, therefore, he caresses her shoulders in silence, without any thoughts and desires. Her soft hair, neck and face are so close, passion radiates from her blue eyes, but Zuko is in no hurry to answer her the same way.

“What’s wrong?” Asks Katara. His anxiety permeates her as well, but she hardly senses a reason.

“No, it’s nothing...”

“Please, don’t be so mysterious.”

Katara is afraid of that silence between them. Zuko’s relaxed body tenses, he is scared too, as if all things, shining in this beautiful moonlight, in this silence, would reveal all his secrets.

“Katara, wait.” He tries to gently push her away. He would probably have let her in much earlier if he weren’t afraid of such closeness.

(And those cautious and disturbing footsteps from the outside made him aware of all surroundings around them...)

“They won’t come.” The girl says, her frizzy hair tickles his face.

Zuko’s arms don’t rise for the last distance. Consciously or unconsciously, he seeks to make her feel responsible, or at least to blind him. He hears lurking people, sees smiles; creates all sorts of possible obstacles to resist slipping into obscurity, to stay on the swinging shore for another minute, because it’s not too late to get up and leave. Somewhere deep inside the subconsciousness, there is a worrying sensation that somehow Zuko’s instincts are forcing him to do what shouldn’t be done.

“Come here...” Whispers Katara.

Zuko’s doubts are somewhere carried away by understanding tenderness. He can’t cope with his trembling hands as he slowly gives in.

“You see, when you look at me like this...” The girl blushes, putting her hands on his nape. “I feel so... you know...”

Zuko has to be grateful. He is more than grateful. But painful memories hit him in the chest. His Uncle... It hurts so much, although he made a contract with himself to throw away the overwhelming pain, everything that had happened in the past. And there is a girl next to him, so beautiful and gentle. There is no way in the world he could reject her.

“Zuko, why are you crying?” Katara moves unsettled beside him, her hands releasing his nape and landing on his cheeks again.

“I didn’t deserve you...” He whispers without looking her in the eye, his hands gently grasp her wrists. “It feels so, so wrong, but I just can’t do it...”

The girl lifts his chin and looks him in the eye. It feels like she’s looking into the depths of his soul, and it seems to him that this way he feels what she feels...

_Tenderness, unconditional love and compassion..._

“I don’t force you to do what you don’t wanna do, Zuko.” She whispers. “I’m so sorry...”

“No, I’m not saying I don’t want to. I just can’t right now. All I did was hurt people I love. You know I don’t want anything bad for you, but I can accidentally hurt you. You might be scared of me.”

“No, you won’t hurt me, because I love you. Besides, I’m not that helpless girl I was before. No one is going to hurt me. Ever again.”

“Well, if you believe it, I guess, I’m gonna believe that, too.” He briefly smiles, his tears fading away, arms carefully wrap around her waist as he pulls her in for a loving hug.


End file.
